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More Adventures of The Roof Monitor

Angle Bendhard, D.C.
Suite 555
2345 Twit Road
Los Angeles, CA 90077

Dear Dr. Bendhard:

I am the roof monitor (R.M.), not “roof watcher” as you erroneously stated. You accused me of murdering Jack Belikoff, another homeowner who the police determined committed suicide.

While I did not agree with some of Jack’s more bizarre activities, I would never consider killing such an individual.

During a routine inspection of the corridor carpets, water leakage from your condo was suspected. I was involved in the exercise since there was some rain damage to the roof.

The roof falls under my jurisdiction, and as the roof monitor I immediately coordinated my activities with the carpet monitor.

We alerted Chuck, our manager. We feared that your tub had overflowed or your toilet was broken.

Water, if left unchecked, can result in thousands of dollars of damage to your condo and others in a short time. My motto:  A leaking condo can sink our ship.

Chuck had a key and we tried to bust into your place but you had changed the locks. Chuck phoned you and requested that you arrange to let us in. You phoned me and began to scream at me on the phone.

I told you that if your unit was causing the flooding then I would turn off the water to it. You immediately threatened me with dire legal action and warned me that you had many high-priced Beverly Hills lawyers who would represent you for free.

I told you I was thinking of disabling your electric power as punishment for arguing with Mr. Roof Monitor. I am still mulling this over.

This morning, a representative from Black Water Plumbing checked your condo. He indicated that you had improperly installed water pipes in your condo and that this resulted in your tub and sink leaking. (I have suspected this for some time, every since I bought a stethoscope and began monitoring running water through your walls.)

I learned that your toilet(s) are constantly running. As you may realize, this can result in excessive communal water bills as a poorly plumbed toilet can result in hundreds of dollars of water going down the drain every year.

I trust that you will take care of your plumbing problems immediately as it is unfair to your fellow condo owners to pay for your wasted water and damage to the hall carpet in the common area.

If, as the roof monitor, I can be of any further service to you, please communicate by fax or letter. I do not wish to talk to you on the phone because when we speak you seem to delight in hurting my feelings. Besides being the roof monitor, I am very sensitive.

Your numerous false accusations and slander have caused me enormous mental anguish and I intend to seek medical attention.

Sincerely,

Jaron Summers, R.M. (Roof Monitor)

P.S.:  We are having problems with the garbage odor in the basement. We have determined that someone must volunteer to become a “Sniff Monitor.” Would you consider this appointment? If so, I can have the necessary paperwork sent to you.

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