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The Miracle Seagulls

Religions are a combination of good and evil. Most converts to these religions are an amalgam of good and evil. How do “sinners” seeking spiritual guidance nail down the right religion? Often through the good works of missionaries. I was a Mormon Missionary in New Zealand where I brought 34 converts into the LDS faith. […]

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An island for my wife ….

For years Kate and I have spent some of our most fun times in Hawaii and New Zealand. I promised Kate that someday I would buy a small island just for her. Today I did. You can come and visit us. You may also want to sublease a part of our island. I bought it […]

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Wimbledon Silly Rules

Umpires or referees or whatever they call themselves could restrict the number of balls used each day at Wimbledon to 18.

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Helping the Unfortunate —

how can people be so cruel?

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Keeping Your Cool in LA

Caution — a condenser holds an electric charge. So you need to discharge it. Or you could get a shock.

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Balance the Budget — Easy

I have many brilliant ideas concerning ways for us to survive.

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Correct Use of Floss

… he could work a 30-hour day

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Long Friendship Secrets

I keep a journal since it’s fun to see what I did ten or twenty or thirty years ago. When I was a missionary I prayed each day. One day I realized that if there were a god or gods they would have stopped people from creating religions.  Any religion.   Nothing is as detrimental to […]

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Advice From A Billionaire

Ten minutes, once gone, are gone for good.

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Roger Moore and I were both Saints

Roger Moore and I were both Saints

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Pussy Poaching to Regime Change

“Let them eat (chocolate) cake”

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Pixel Fucking

How about—you write your script, press enter and with the help of AI and digital skulduggery—you create a masterpiece.

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One Inch from the end

As my many followers (six) and fans (four) know Donald Trump often phones me for guidance. I decided to record our conversations to save NSA from doing it. In California it’s okay to record your side of a phone call. Following is my one-sided exchange with the president of these United States. I substituted “yadie” […]

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Here, have a BLAST!

This goof wants to build an ICBM with a nuke in it and aim it at us.  https://goo.gl/iuIftg The problem is that he needs a miniaturized nuke. So with the help of the CIA I could sell him a tiny “nuke.” It would have four dials on its face. A GO button, then three destinations: […]

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We cancelled your frequent flier package since you’re dead….

No one could have anticipated that Clause 23 would be required

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How to do great in Real Estate

I am sending Rex to Russia to conclude my latest deal. I just sold Putin and his pals some worthless land we bought from them in 1867. I doubled our original purchase price. This is a TERRIFIC DEAL.  DT  

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Immigration Can Save the world

Suppose you live next door to a jerk. And suppose the jerk though you were a jerk. And suppose you were both right. You bickered and swore to burn each other’s house to the ground. And you would have, except your daughter fell in love with the jerk’s son.  And miracle of miracles they had […]

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A plea to a “savage” tribe

I will also teach you how to write screenplays that we can sell to the major studios.

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Try Laughter

Our ear ringing lessens, then miracle of miracle, stops. Laughter – best medicine!

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Chinese Egg

From the 23rd floor of the Hyatt in Shanghai my wife and I look down on the Egg. A chicken that laid such an egg would stand taller than the Statue of Liberty. Even so, you could not make an omelet large enough from that gargantuan hen to feed the 1.4 billion people in China […]

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As I lay me down to Sleep

Everyone grab half a sleeping person ….

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The Right Man for the Job

The Right Man for the Job

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Bombs Make Us Safer

We live in a frightening world, don’t we?

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I’m Leaving the Country

The leader of our land claims he’s making our country great again.  He loves his family. They love him.  So what if he has a real hot wife who was not born an American? Disgruntled voters  have criticized him because he has said a few hurtful things to world leaders who do not agree with […]

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The Sensual Pickpocket of Barcelona

Gaudi’s cathedral is a work in progress like our marriage

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Trump thwarts Chinese Military

The two-inch drone traveling at 22 MPH evaded The Secret Service

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Post from Barcelona

He counted out four more sheets. He was grim about it.

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How Trump Could Score

Hot chicks go for guys who are rich, famous and buff.

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Finally, after almost a century … I have the desk

He gave me a damn fine whipping employing a large switch that somehow reached my vulnerable little bum

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Your word for today: Sam-suing

Samsung’s latest evil invention

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Will The Machines Win?

The phone that I knew as a boy has morphed into a magical device that we take for granted. But the machines are just starting.

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The Only Way to Stop Trump

Those in power must stop him. They paint Trump as a lunatic. As a liar. As a traitor. This will not work!

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Save $75 and protect your nest egg

Maybe there’s something to the notion that inflation will do us in.

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Why we vote the way we do ….

I would rather get some of my tiny piece of the pie back rather than giving up what little pie I have.

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Attachments

“Slip this into your pocket, don’t make it obvious. When you get home, check out the first star to the right of the nine.”

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NASA & LDS COVER-UP

of the 12 people who have landed on the moon, all were female.

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Solemates

I was warned that if they came into the store not to wait on them and call security.

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Throw out the Drones!

Most of us are worker bees.

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A Shocking Situation at BYU

I discovered something that has shaken my confidence, my faith, and my soul, to the core.

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Spec screenplay sales – long shots, real long

— my friend, you will have a meeting that week. The single purpose in that meeting will be to meet Mr. Hopkins.

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Costco – near death experience

Let’s see if you can tell where I started to make stuff up.

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John & Sophie Henning

About all that is left after 75 years … at least memories.

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Jesus’ Facebook: 11 Followers; 1 Stalker

Have A Listen: sat test This link gets you a free copy of the narration, and a free trial membership in Audible.  Already a member?  I have some review copies while they last.  email: jaronbs@gmail.com  Thanks!

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How do the Pearly Gates Work?

Is it true? No, by definition a novel is fiction. However, many of the thing I fictionalized were based on amazing experiences I had in NZ.

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Mother Nature Loves Hockey

Mother Nature likes hockey. I know she likes hockey because I have seen and handled the tar that holds the oil.

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Travel warning from a friend ….

Thank you for your dire warning about flying almost half way around the world.

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Bernie Wins! Las Vegas / 6:48 pm / October 13 / 2015

My prediction — last edited 10/26/15 — Bernie will be the next US president

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BERNIE

We have a winner. Bernie Sanders leapt from Bernie the candidate, to Bernie the statesman.

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I’m back already….? Return Trip Effect explained

COLD SHRINKS STUFF. And this proves that global warming is false! You heard it here first.

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Let’s Start with Money

There was a whirring sound and I looked up and saw a television camera move in one of the palms trees. It looked like a metal monkey with a big eye. It saw me at the same time I saw it; we stared uneasily at each other.

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I want one of these….

This caboose of 1941 belonged to Great Northern. Check out what the new owners did.

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How to Save Money and Buy Lunch

it’s complicated thermodynamics. And simple economics

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NSA helpers ….

the nsa has a secret weapon — you!

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Word From Outer Space

Being a CB radio operator, when I heard static coming from the Hale-Bopp Comet, I homed in on it.I was astonished to make contact with someone lurking behind the comet. Following is a transcript of our conversation:”This is Do,” said a frail voice through the ether.”Are you the leader of that cult that killed…

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The Sod Hut

They say nothing ever happened in Coronation but I heard stories about the Gent from Geneva, who in the late 1940s, arrived in Alberta. This guy, I think his name was Franz, had seen a travelogue of Western Canada. Its majestic Rocky Mountains gave Franz the idea that moving to Alberta was like living in Switzerland in the shadow of the

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Wild Echoes

They say nothing happens in Coronation.

They are certainly not goose hunters.

Coronation is on the fly path of millions of geese that migrate between the Arctic and Mexico each year. There were a lot when I lived there in the 50s.

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Merry Xmas from Your Banker

Dear Mr. Summers,

Since we regard you as a “partner” in our banking family, we at the Royal Bank appreciate your concerns. Rest assured, we look upon the administration of your money as a solemn duty.
You wrote to me that you felt we were

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