Fat Little Prick said he would send me his nuclear codes
Religions are a combination of good and evil. Most converts to these religions are an amalgam of good and evil. How do “sinners” seeking spiritual guidance nail down the right religion? Often through the good works of missionaries. I was a Mormon Missionary in New Zealand where I brought 34 converts into the LDS faith. […]
For years Kate and I have spent some of our most fun times in Hawaii and New Zealand. I promised Kate that someday I would buy a small island just for her. Today I did. You can come and visit us. You may also want to sublease a part of our island. I bought it […]
Umpires or referees or whatever they call themselves could restrict the number of balls used each day at Wimbledon to 18.
how can people be so cruel?
Caution — a condenser holds an electric charge. So you need to discharge it. Or you could get a shock.
I have many brilliant ideas concerning ways for us to survive.
… he could work a 30-hour day
I keep a journal since it’s fun to see what I did ten or twenty or thirty years ago. When I was a missionary I prayed each day. One day I realized that if there were a god or gods they would have stopped people from creating religions. Any religion. Nothing is as detrimental to […]
Ten minutes, once gone, are gone for good.
Roger Moore and I were both Saints
“Let them eat (chocolate) cake”
How about—you write your script, press enter and with the help of AI and digital skulduggery—you create a masterpiece.
As my many followers (six) and fans (four) know Donald Trump often phones me for guidance. I decided to record our conversations to save NSA from doing it. In California it’s okay to record your side of a phone call. Following is my one-sided exchange with the president of these United States. I substituted “yadie” […]
This goof wants to build an ICBM with a nuke in it and aim it at us. https://goo.gl/iuIftg The problem is that he needs a miniaturized nuke. So with the help of the CIA I could sell him a tiny “nuke.” It would have four dials on its face. A GO button, then three destinations: […]
No one could have anticipated that Clause 23 would be required
I am sending Rex to Russia to conclude my latest deal. I just sold Putin and his pals some worthless land we bought from them in 1867. I doubled our original purchase price. This is a TERRIFIC DEAL. DT
Suppose you live next door to a jerk. And suppose the jerk though you were a jerk. And suppose you were both right. You bickered and swore to burn each other’s house to the ground. And you would have, except your daughter fell in love with the jerk’s son. And miracle of miracles they had […]
I will also teach you how to write screenplays that we can sell to the major studios.
Our ear ringing lessens, then miracle of miracle, stops. Laughter – best medicine!
From the 23rd floor of the Hyatt in Shanghai my wife and I look down on the Egg. A chicken that laid such an egg would stand taller than the Statue of Liberty. Even so, you could not make an omelet large enough from that gargantuan hen to feed the 1.4 billion people in China […]
Everyone grab half a sleeping person ….
The Right Man for the Job
We live in a frightening world, don’t we?
The leader of our land claims he’s making our country great again. He loves his family. They love him. So what if he has a real hot wife who was not born an American? Disgruntled voters have criticized him because he has said a few hurtful things to world leaders who do not agree with […]
Gaudi’s cathedral is a work in progress like our marriage
The two-inch drone traveling at 22 MPH evaded The Secret Service
He counted out four more sheets. He was grim about it.
Hot chicks go for guys who are rich, famous and buff.
He gave me a damn fine whipping employing a large switch that somehow reached my vulnerable little bum
Samsung’s latest evil invention
The phone that I knew as a boy has morphed into a magical device that we take for granted. But the machines are just starting.
Those in power must stop him. They paint Trump as a lunatic. As a liar. As a traitor. This will not work!
Maybe there’s something to the notion that inflation will do us in.
I would rather get some of my tiny piece of the pie back rather than giving up what little pie I have.
“Slip this into your pocket, don’t make it obvious. When you get home, check out the first star to the right of the nine.”
of the 12 people who have landed on the moon, all were female.
I was warned that if they came into the store not to wait on them and call security.
Most of us are worker bees.
I discovered something that has shaken my confidence, my faith, and my soul, to the core.
— my friend, you will have a meeting that week. The single purpose in that meeting will be to meet Mr. Hopkins.
Let’s see if you can tell where I started to make stuff up.
About all that is left after 75 years … at least memories.
Have A Listen: sat test This link gets you a free copy of the narration, and a free trial membership in Audible. Already a member? I have some review copies while they last. email: firstname.lastname@example.org Thanks!
Is it true? No, by definition a novel is fiction. However, many of the thing I fictionalized were based on amazing experiences I had in NZ.
Mother Nature likes hockey. I know she likes hockey because I have seen and handled the tar that holds the oil.
Thank you for your dire warning about flying almost half way around the world.
My prediction — last edited 10/26/15 — Bernie will be the next US president
We have a winner. Bernie Sanders leapt from Bernie the candidate, to Bernie the statesman.
COLD SHRINKS STUFF. And this proves that global warming is false! You heard it here first.
There was a whirring sound and I looked up and saw a television camera move in one of the palms trees. It looked like a metal monkey with a big eye. It saw me at the same time I saw it; we stared uneasily at each other.
This caboose of 1941 belonged to Great Northern. Check out what the new owners did.
it’s complicated thermodynamics. And simple economics
the nsa has a secret weapon — you!
Being a CB radio operator, when I heard static coming from the Hale-Bopp Comet, I homed in on it.I was astonished to make contact with someone lurking behind the comet. Following is a transcript of our conversation:”This is Do,” said a frail voice through the ether.”Are you the leader of that cult that killed…
They say nothing ever happened in Coronation but I heard stories about the Gent from Geneva, who in the late 1940s, arrived in Alberta. This guy, I think his name was Franz, had seen a travelogue of Western Canada. Its majestic Rocky Mountains gave Franz the idea that moving to Alberta was like living in Switzerland in the shadow of the
They say nothing happens in Coronation.
They are certainly not goose hunters.
Coronation is on the fly path of millions of geese that migrate between the Arctic and Mexico each year. There were a lot when I lived there in the 50s.
Dear Mr. Summers,
Since we regard you as a “partner” in our banking family, we at the Royal Bank appreciate your concerns. Rest assured, we look upon the administration of your money as a solemn duty.
You wrote to me that you felt we were