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Here are the five essential things most babies want in 2013

We have some dear friends in Australia and they are going to have a grandchild in a few months.

The mother-to-be often wonders what her baby might be thinking about or saying.

I was able to contact the child and here are the things the child wants in a few months.


Hi Mom,

Just a quick note to let you know how things are going. All in all, pretty good. But things are a bit boring so excuse the yawning. Not much else do to in here.

My room is getting a little crowded and sometimes I get jostled around when you go for some kind of a bike ride. I think you call it spinning. My GPS isn’t totally developed so I’m not sure if we go any place.

It’s a bit confusing for me, as a matter-of-fact, a lot of things are confusing for me. Like how I got in here.

About all I can recall are the wildest few moments of what I can only describe as extreme gymnastics with super heavy breathing. Didn’t last that long…but there seemed to be two of us. And that turned into three. And then there I was doing the backstroke in a pink swimming pool…which is actually turning into a shrinking lap pool.

From what I can figure out I’ll be moving out of here soon. The problem is I don’t see any doors or windows…I’m sure you’ll work it out.

To keep from getting bored I’ve been making lists of things I would like you to have ready for me when I see you.

Here’s my basic five must-have-items.

1. A mirror

This may sound like a strange request but I need to see what I look like. I’ve figured out I have a couple of arms and a couple of legs. And I have something like a vacuum hose attached to where my belly button should be. I’d like to get a look at my face. Maybe that will help me figure out if I’m a boy or a girl.

2. A pair of scissors.

Obviously when I get out of here I need to cut this hose that attaches me to the side of your pink lap pool. Otherwise I’ll be too restricted in my movements.

3. A car.

You don’t need to spend a lot of money but I’d like something sporty. Any of the newer Mercedes coupes should do. Please make sure it has navigation because I have no idea where anything is out there. I am not even sure where “out there” is.

After a few months of exploring I may decide to come home so please program the nav system with the coordinates of where I may be staying if I decide to live with you.

4. An iPad  with at least a one year pre-paid subscription.

Please make sure this comes with a debit card with at least 10 thousand dollars on it as I will need to buy a lot of things. I also plan to buy you some flowers for the trouble I’ve put you through.

5. A small country.

Not a tiny country but something about the size of Cuba with a population of a few thousand. I must be given complete control over my subjects so that I can learn how to be a good ruler. This will prepare you for my 12th birthday when you will provide me with a large country.

Well, Mom, the above list should give you something to do until I can get back to you with some more lists.

Love,

Baby Po

P.S. Thank you for making me. I think.

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