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Reverend Jesse Jackson Clears the Air

Jaron:  Reverend Jackson, what’s wrong with America?

Reverend Jackson:  It’s morally bankrupt. The greatest sin is Men of God who betray their families. These so-called Christian leaders shag anything that struts by their steeples.

Jaron:  Why do women allow it?

Reverend Jackson:  Some are innocent and attracted to power and sadly, tax-free money. Other steeple chasers wear perfume and dress in low-cut blouses that expose their altars.

Jaron:  I had no idea that it was that serious.

Reverend Jackson:  Oh yes, these women make provocative comments about the steeples that belong to Men of God. A Man of God needs to be strong. He should never consider introducing his steeple to a young woman and then ringing his church bells — boing, boing, boing.

Jaron:  Do you ever think of such things?

Reverend Jackson:  Bite your tongue. Women — even those with C and D altars — are gifts from our Father in Heaven. They look on me as a man of Great Spiritual Strength. A man who may be the next President of the United States of America, one who will hold the nation to a higher moral standard.

Jaron:  In other words you don’t sin?

Reverend Jackson:  Bite your tongue again. No man is without sin. But I keep my sins to an absolute minimum.

Jaron:  What sins have you committed?

Reverend Jackson:  Once I stuck my chewing gum to the underside of a restaurant counter. And, when I was a child I put a nickel in a newspaper box and took out two papers. One for our family and one for the widow who lived down the lane so she could see when church started.

Jaron:  When President Clinton was going through his problems with Monica, you went to the White House as his spiritual advisor.

Reverend Jackson:  Yes. God made it known to me that I could heal our nation.

Jaron:  Didn’t you take one of your assistants with you — Karin Stanford — who was carrying your love child? A lady who made hundreds of thousands of dollars working for your organization, the Rainbow Coalition?

Reverend Jackson:  Those are terrible lies, spread by the Anti-Christ. Or maybe George Bush.

Jaron:  Ms. Stanford doesn’t exist?

Reverend Jackson:  Certainly. She has a baby that looks like me. But that just proves how cunning Lucifer and the Republican Party can be.

Jaron:  So you didn’t introduce your steeple to her —

Reverend Jackson: Stop! I am a Man of God! I admit I stuck some chewing gum under a counter once. But I have never stuck anything into any steeple chaser. Our time is up.

Jaron:  Thank you for clearing the air about the vicious rumors surrounding your ministry. God bless you.

Reverend Jackson:  Thank you but you do not have the power to bless anyone. You are not an ordained minister of our Father in Heaven, as I am.

Jaron:  I’m sorry.

Reverend Jackson:  Both God and I forgive you. Go and sin no more (John 8:11).

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