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Room 4 Rent

We have a house in Edmonton that we rent to students. Occasionally scammers send us phony cashier’s checks.

They insist on paying more than we ask for the place. AKA:  advance rent fraud.

They instruct us to send the difference back to them.

Of course once you send them money, you never hear from them again. Innocent people get stung for thousands.

Often these faux renters pose as rich foxes from London or Russia. Two of them read my latest ad and wrote to me.

In a Craigslist ad I had said:  “If you are a really sexy gal — (but warm and friendly) from a foreign country who will send me a huge cashier’s check for way more than the place is worth and you’d like me to send you back the difference in a money order, thanks, but no thanks.”

But these gals were dedicated players. They soon fell in love with our house and of course, me.

Below are their photos, at least they claim these are photos of them. (Look, one of those foxes may even have a fox on her head.)

room4rent-1

room4rent-2

I e-mailed them the following:

Dear Jillian,

You sound like you would fit in well. And what wonderful things you are bringing to our country.

You will have a large room, big enough for everything and you can put your car in the garage between the Maserati and Rolls.

We have a lot of fun in our house. Here are the guys who live downstairs. They like to dress up for parties. (Although we don’t allow parties in the house.)

Don’t worry about the money until you arrive. There is a fine bank not more than two blocks away. This way you deposit your cheque and we will wait for it to clear.

Your first and last month’s rent comes to $990. We do not ask for a deposit or a cleaning fee because we trust you to leave the house — and specifically your room — in the shape it is in.

We also have security cameras in the house. They are hidden behind all the photos in your room. When you are out you can turn these cameras on so that you can see anyone who comes into your room.

I can override this switch and turn the cameras on from my secret room in the attic (shhhh) but I would never do this while you are dressing or undressing. Or even sleeping.

By the way do you wear PJs when you sleep or do you zonk-out in the buff? I sleep naked except for a skull cap. It has a silver propeller on it.

The code for the camera is R#=009. To turn it off simply hit Alarm Off. We will show you how to do this.

Do you need someone to pick you up from the airport? Any time day or night we can arrange for that.

What day will you be coming?

Do you like pickles? One of the renters makes pickles in the backyard in the underground cave we call the pickle den.

Sorry I’m so chatty, it’s just that I/we think you’d be perfect. One of the guys has a car just like yours. Who would have thought? We are most excited !!!

Oh, do you have a photo so we can see what you look like when you arrive? Sometimes when people come to the airport and we pick them up, we can’t find them. So when you get off the plane could you wave a big transparent balloon?

If you don’t have a balloon, please use a condom (new). Just blow it up.

cheers,
jaron

My complete stats:
Jaron Fuddlebat
11490 76 Avenue
Edmonton, AB T6G ON2

and:

Dear Hanna,

Wow, you will be easy to spot at the airport, especially if you wear that Beautiful Cap. I can make a propeller for it if you want. Not to wear on the plane but just around the house for fun. I bet it would be exciting to get our propellers to spin together if you know what I mean. Giggle-giggle. Just kidding. I’m a terrible tease.

I want you get here soon. Let us take the bull by the tongue! I will get you a ticket to Edmonton. A direct flight. I will pay for the ticket here and you can send your items to Edmonton and I will pay for everything. DHL has a good deal and I have a big business account.

I will trust you to pay first and last month’s rent when you get here.

That will be a total of $990 for first and last month’s rent. We don’t charge for damage or cleaning and as long as you live here, the rent does not go up. Then when you are here you can deposit your check and pay me back for your shipping and ticket and any money I need to advance you.

We can wait for your certified check to clear. But if it is certified I think the bank credits your account right away. Don’t worry, money is not that important to me. I have usually been able to make a lot of it.

I sense we are going to be very good friends.

About your car. You know we drive on the right side of the road. Not the left side like they do there. It is dangerous to drive on the right if you have been driving on the left.

You could sit on my lap and I could help you until you get the hang of it. I am not trying to be sexual but this is for your safety.

Respectfully,
jaron

p.s. — I can’t stop looking at your photo. Double Wow. I have an old business partner in London and he has some items of mine. They are not very large, maybe the size of a couple of eggs. If he gave them to you, could you put them in your car’s trunk? I think it’s called the boot there.

If you can’t, don’t worry. But don’t mention this to anyone. Okay? If you do this little thing for me then you don’t have to pay the rent for first and last month.

Soon both gals said they were “on their way” —
just needed a little financial help.
Hanna turned into a real soul mate.

Hello,

Thank you very much for your kindness and caring. I am very greatful. I promise to pay you back once i arrive to Edmonton, okay?

You are very funny and always make me happy whenever i read from you. Cant wait to meet you in person..lol

I will help you bring your items, please tell me what are the items? i hope they are not drugs? kindly let me know what the items are…..and i wil provide you my address for your business partner to send it to me…Okay?

You are very honesty and kind to me, so i can do anything for you as well. Please, i will be needing PTA fee, can you raise me some fund from your end? You i wont spend the PTA fee, so once you picked me up from the airport, i will return it back to you…Okay?

Love to read more from you…my funny angel…Bye and take good care of your self….Love you….Hanna

Today I sent Hanna the following letter with a copy to Jillian —

Dearest Hanna,

I have astonishing news.

Jillian, another overseas visitor, sounds like your twin sister. She also answered my ad to live in our house. She also sent me a sexy photo.

You both have the same kind of stuff. Look, you’re both bringing identical cars, down to the same color. Also the same 26′ Dell Plasma TV and desk top computer:

The things i will be moving in are as follow:
my Mercedes (C-class 2004 model) metalic green. suite case containing my books
my 26′ DELL PLASMA TV and DVD Home theatre my clothes in three luggages
my desk top computer (COMPAQ) ….

And both of you are sending me a certified check and want me to send you back money.

This is such a coincidence it must be spiritual.

Is there anyway you both could come to the airport at the same time?

That way I could get you both in one trip.

A confession. All my life I have had a fantasy about picking up two hot chicks from the airport. On the way back to my house they rip off their clothes and beg me to join them in the back of my 61 Chevy.

I want you two to write to each other.

Please decide which one will bring the whipped cream. The other one has to bring the hamsters.

Love you both so much.

Hugs,

jaron (your new landlord who will rule the house with an iron hand. Promise! You are both going to go crazy for the pickle den.)

Jillian and Hanna have not written back. (I am heartbroken.)

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