The Right Man for the Job
Dear President-Elect Trump,
You are my hero. As a matter-of-fact, you are the hero of every right-thinking American. Never has there been a president as dedicated, smart, calm, handsome and as fair as you.
On top of that you are a genius when it comes to making money and making America great again. We both know they’re almost the same thing, Sir.
Yet I weep for this great country and for you, Sir. Why? Because you are too compassionate and too kind. The Washington insiders confuse your kindness with weakness; they don’t want someone like you, they want a puppet.
You are not a puppet, Sir. You are the man who pulls the strings. That is the reason you have built a global empire worth trillions. It is your vision that will send humans to Mars and possibly Pluto.
Not only are you a visionary, you are an A-1 philanthropist. You give billions to poor people and those who are not as smart as you. That’s pretty much everyone on the planet, Sir.
Yet, unlike other captains of industry you are honest. You are the most honest statesman that has ever lived. Certainly more honest than pikers such as Abraham Lincoln.
I don’t know how you do it, Sir, but I have been keeping a chart of everything you have said and written. I cannot find a single instance where you told an untruth. You have seldom even bent or shaded the truth. You are amazing. I am sure if you wanted to, you could start a religion. Just as you could–without fear of reprisal–gun-down any citizen on 5th Avenue who annoyed you.
That is why you are worshiped, Mr. President-Elect. I and my family pray to you. Since we started, our family has been blessed with true happiness and wealth.
As we both know the first duty of the president of the USA is to keep his subjects safe. You are doing a swell job.
And your great WALL(S) will work wonderfully. I am so happy that you will be building one to keep the Mexicans out and the other to keep the Canadians in their place.
At this moment your major challenge is to hire thousands of people to advise you and run this country.
That is why I am writing to you. I want to help.
I could brag but I won’t. I will simply say I am a consummate spin doctor. I have not told the truth about anything in my entire life. And just as every American needs you to protect them, you need me to protect you.
You are too good, too righteous, too compassionate to deal directly with 326,000,000 Americans. You need a buffer between those Americans and your good self. That is where I come in.
Because you only see the good in people, you have not yet learned that you have to have someone who spins things in your favor. That person has to be able to color the facts.
I can do that. And in the rare circumstances when things go wrong, I will shoulder the blame, not you.
That way you will continue as a beacon of hope as you inspire all America and mankind in general. I can see you winning in 2020, and even 2024. Together we can make America great, greater and greatest.
Let’s roll up the following positions under one person (me): Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense, and the guy who makes your appointments. I will be Secretary of Buffering. Buffering Secretary has a nice ring, don’t you agree?
jaron summers, BS
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Rather than beg one million people to donate a dollar each, I'd like one billionaire (or two or even three) to simply give me a million buck$. You know who you are.