People often ask me how to write a successful post.
Actually, nobody has ever asked me this.
But that has never stopped me before.
There is tremendous money in posting now.
I personally have not seen any of it.
Still, I have theories.
And in America, a theory with confidence behind it is often worth more than experience.
That is how cable news was invented.
The first thing you need to understand about writing is structure.
Every successful post requires three things:
A beginning.
A middle.
An ending.
The difficulty, of course, is the middle.
Anybody can write a beginning.
“Last Tuesday I accidentally purchased a goat.”
There.
You’re already interested.
And endings are easy.
“Which is why the county now refuses to discuss the matter.”
Done.
You now have a beginning and an ending.
You have completed approximately 98 percent of the work.
The remaining 2 percent is what artificial intelligence was created for.
You simply instruct AI to “fill in the middle” while making it brilliant, emotional, humorous, inspirational, insightful, unforgettable, and suitable for film adaptation.
This is essentially how modern civilization now functions.
You may think I’m joking.
I’m not entirely joking.
Somewhere in Hollywood, three executives are currently approving a screenplay based on a paragraph and a smoothie.
Now, many people have attempted to create systems for writing.
Most have failed.
Not because the systems were bad.
But because they did not include me.
That was their fatal mistake.
I, on the other hand, am willing to train you.
For instance, let us take numbers.
I will provide two numbers:
22
and
6,752
Your task is to determine the middle.
See?
You already understand narrative structure.
The beginning is 22.
The ending is 6,752.
The middle is where confusion, panic, and government grants occur.
That is storytelling.
You may also use ancient alphabets.
Phoenician works well.
Possibly Russian.
At one point I attempted to write an entire essay using translated symbols from a language discovered on a cave wall in Turkey.
Unfortunately it translated into:
“Please move the yak.”
Still, there was power in it.
The important thing is confidence.
You must always sound as though you know what you are doing.
This is true in writing, aviation, dentistry, and international banking.
Now, some critics will claim these methods are absurd.
These same people are usually earning honest livings.
Ignore them.
The future belongs to individuals capable of generating content faster than human disappointment can keep up with it.
And this is only the beginning.
In my next lesson, I will explain how to sell this revolutionary writing system to others for enormous amounts of money.
You can either teach them my method…or simply take the first paragraph and final paragraph from great literature and have AI generate the middle.
With enough confidence, this becomes “consulting.”
With enough investors, it becomes a startup.
With enough TED Talks, it becomes inevitable.
By now, if you have continued reading this far, you owe me approximately $1,600.
I believe this was covered in the agreement.
Please do not make this awkward.
My people are already calculating the middle.
