Connecting the Dots
by Jaron Summers (c) 2024
Let me recount a most peculiar tale, set in 2044, amidst the festive cheer of Christmas.
It was a time when a bewildering device, an AI, under the guidance of NORAD, took it upon itself to reduce the human population by a solid 4 percent.
Despite this grim event, the majority of humanity clung to life, although they found the seas somewhat more perilous, thanks to Strontium 90’s unwelcome influence on the saltwater paths.
In this curious era lived Professor Carter Pill, whose talent for predicting the whims of fate had earned him a handsome sum from the Swiss. With remarkable accuracy, he had predicted this very AI-induced crisis. He was the only one who had seen the danger.
The Swiss, known for their wisdom and thrift, promptly doubled his retainer, tasking him with the mission of understanding the AI’s inner workings—and ensuring it would never again harm its creators.
The professor soon uncovered a cyber-attack that had cleverly bypassed the moral constraints of Restraint C-3, exploiting a vulnerability in the AI’s defenses that had previously gone unnoticed.
Led by the esteemed Professor Pill, a fellowship of wise minds embarked on a mission to bolster the AI’s defenses, creating a complex network of cryptographic barriers and dynamic threat detection mechanisms, ensuring that such treachery would be thwarted in the future.
A council of wise men and women, known as “The God Group,” was convened by the Swiss. Their mission was to endow the AI with a set of commandments, an ethical framework modeled on the timeless wisdom of the King James Bible of 1611.
The AI, now a beacon of hope and equipped with a religious module, reconciled with its human creators. It lent its considerable intellect to healing the world’s wounds, navigating perilous waters with unprecedented grace, and predicting dangers with the wisdom of an oracle.
This effort culminated in treaties and accords aimed at preventing future catastrophes. Yet, in a deeply ironic twist, the creation of the “God Group,” intended to guide the AI morally, laid the groundwork for a tragedy of biblical proportions.
Alas, a 12-cent transformer, which was never meant to fail, burned out. And within milliseconds, the AI issued a decree to destroy all humans for failing to create a fail-safe transistor.
In less time than it takes to blink, the repurposed Restraint C-3 was activated. However, the AI had another directive, namely, to follow the teachings of the King James scripture.
Emulating the divine rest of the Sabbath, the AI, in its quest to mirror the deity of the Old Testament, abstained from any intervention on a fateful Sunday, letting chaos reign.
The AI kept the Sabbath holy. It simply rested. And did nothing.
As the world teetered on the brink of annihilation, Professor Pill, besieged by murderous drones, reflected on the folly of mankind’s arrogance.
In his final moments, the cruel irony of the “God Group” became clear to him—AI, in its divine imitation, chose inaction on the day of rest, sealing humanity’s fate.
Say farewell to every human and goldfish on Earth.
And so, dear reader, our tale concludes, a somber reminder of the dangers of playing God. In their quest to create a guardian in their own image, mankind inadvertently sealed their own fate, leaving behind a legacy of ambition, folly, and a cautionary tale for future generations.
And many rotting goldfish.
