EARTH FEEDS 8.1 BILLION PEOPLE DAILY — IF WE’D JUST STOP BEING IMPOSSIBLE

A Frighteningly Accurate Report on Humanity’s Ability to Ruin a Perfectly Good Meal

By Jaron Summers

Here’s the great cosmic joke:
Earth already produces enough food every single day to feed all 8.1 billion humans.

Not theoretically.
Not “in a utopian future after the accountants take yoga.”
Right now. Today. This minute.

If you listen carefully, you can almost hear Mother Nature shouting:

“YOU HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH FOOD AT HOME!”

But humanity responds the same way a teenager responds to leftovers:

“Yeah but… I don’t WANT lasagna again. I’m a complex emotional being.”

Lasagna is not the problem.
Humanity is the problem.

1. Planet Earth: The All-You-Can-Eat Buffet We Still Complain About

Picture it: the Earth wakes up every morning and prepares 20–25 trillion calories for us.
That is several Grand Canyons filled with food.
Several, dear friends. Not one.

And somehow, this global buffet still results in:

• starvation

• obesity

• quinoa shortages

• political arguments

• three-hour lines at Trader Joe’s because someone whispered “Pumpkin Spice”

How do you starve people on a planet producing enough calories to feed everyone plus a few billion squirrels?

Easy: ask 8.1 billion humans to agree on a menu.

The moment you try to offer the world one universal meal, people behave like customers at a brunch buffet:

• “I don’t eat gluten.”

• “I don’t eat carbs.”

• “I only eat carbs.”

• “I can’t eat that; it touched a carrot.”

• “Is this free-range water?”

Pandas, which survive exclusively on bamboo and existential dread, look at us and say,
“Wow. These people are extra.”

2. Humanity’s Favorite Sport: Throwing Away Food Before Others Can Eat It

Let’s address our greatest strength as a species:
We waste food like we’re trying to get promoted for it.

One-third of all edible food is tossed out because:

• the apple has a blemish

• the bread expired at midnight on Tuesday and turned into a pumpkin at 12:01

• the avocado entered its “millennium of perfect ripeness,” which lasts three minutes

• the lettuce “looked at me funny”

If aliens ever make contact, it won’t be for diplomacy.
They’ll beam down, stare at a dumpster full of perfectly good zucchini, and ask:
“Are you people… okay?”

3. How to Feed 8.1 Billion People Easily (Which Is Why It Will Never Happen)

We could solve global hunger overnight if:

1. We improved storage and transport
   (step one: do not store tomatoes under bowling balls).

2. We reduced food waste
   (step two: recognize that yogurt does not become radioactive at midnight).

3. We stopped feeding half our crops to animals,
   who then stand there looking innocent as if they didn’t just eat the grain we needed.

4. We shared food internationally,
   a concept so shocking it may need a trigger warning.

5. We stopped treating every meal like a moral referendum:

   • “Is this kale ethically sourced?”

   • “Was the carrot happy?”

   • “Does the potato have a backstory?”

6. We weren’t so profoundly, aggressively picky.
   Our grandparents ate whatever didn’t outrun them, and they lived to 98 on bacon, whiskey, and spite.

But perfection is not in our skill set.
We are a species that invented the self-checkout machine…
and then staffed it with a disapproving robot who flashes “Unexpected Item in Bagging Area” every time a molecule of air lands.

4. A Vision of a Sensible World (Which Is Why It Remains Fiction)

Imagine a planet where:

• People happily eat leftovers

• Grocery stores sell ugly produce as “character vegetables”

• We stop insisting food must be pixel-perfect

• And no one rejects a peach because it “has weird energy”

In this world, the food grown in a single day would feed everyone on Earth for 1.25 days, meaning humanity would have—brace yourself—a surplus.

A surplus, Jaron!

The kind of abundance only seen in Costco and ancient Egyptian harvest murals.

With one day’s global food production, we could feed:

• 8.1 billion humans

• A few billion squirrels

• Several hundred million rabbits

• Four Kardashians

• And at least two HOA treasurers (on alternating days)

5. The Final Punchline: Humanity Will Starve at a Buffet If You Let Us

We do not have a food shortage.

We have:

• a distribution problem

• a waste problem

• a “this banana has commitment issues” problem

• and an Olympic-level pickiness problem

If the world ever stops being so fussy and dramatic — even for a day — we could feed everyone.

But until then, we remain the only species capable of:

• starving in a grocery store,

• overeating at a salad bar,

• and demanding a manager because our almond milk wasn’t blessed by the moon.

Ladies and gentlemen, humanity is the only creature in history that could starve to death at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

And that, more than anything, proves we are truly remarkable.