Open the Poles
In a surprise strategy that stunned the nation, President Bush announced his new running mate for 2004 is Saddam Hussein.
“I promised to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Who knows more about their locations than Saddam Hussein? When he’s on our team he’ll take us to those hidden bunkers and if he won’t the CIA will bug his White House office.
“With Mr. Hussein working the dinner circuit, America will be safe from attacks from followers of the former madman’s regime. It would be like committing suicide for someone from the Republican Guard to strike us.
“Well, that’s not a good analogy. These goofs love to kill themselves. Let’s say it would be like shooting yourself in the ear.
“Mr. Hussein knows where bin Laden and his family is. We’ll waste that crazy cleric and his idiot family in a Texas heartbeat.
“With Vice President Hussein helping run America, we can drop gas to twenty-five cents a gallon. I don’t know how he did it, but Iraq managed to keep gas at ten cents a gallon when S.H. was commander of Iraq.
“As far as health care is concerned, we are going to use the Iraq model here. Ever since we took over Iraq, we’ve been giving free health care to everyone in the Fertile Crescent. Even the evil doers who shoot our brave American soldiers.
“With our new V.P.’s help we’ll set up free health care in all fifty states.
“I’ve vowed that I would find Saddam Hussein and display him to the American Public. When we have him in the White House, everyone in the world will realize that when your president makes a promise, that promise is kept, by golly.
“Dick Cheney? He’ll become the new governor of Iraq.”
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