Now that I’m classified as elderly, I find myself attracting helpers.
When you have lived for eight decades, you have a lot of stuff stored between your ears and maybe above your liver if one is to believe that we all have an extra brain in our gut.
Since I’m a writer, I don’t like to use cliches, although they can be great shortcuts in writing. If you don’t understand that then take a senior class in writing that is free and ask your teacher when it’s helpful to use cliches. Once you have the answer, you can quit the class.
And you should do it because the majority of writing teachers are trained to find spelling errors. Spelling has nothing to with great writing. Ask Shakespeare — he used three different spellings of his name in a single document.
Which document you ask? Again, take a free course on Shakespeare — find out what you need to know. Then quit.
We are getting sidetracked here. The title of this is Peanut Butter. We’re dealing with having two much stuff stored in are two brains. We need to focus on helpers.
Helpers are idiots of all ages who have almost nothing between their ears or tummy brains. Helpers stand at the edge of a conversation circle and complete sentences with cliches.
I might say: “When I went into the city, I was surprised to see that everyone down –” And then I would stop and search for the right word and it might take me two seconds. At which point the helper would mumble “town.”
Then you say, politely. “No I was going to say ‘ downed peanut butter milkshakes. ‘ Do you mind if I finish my thought, unless you have a better one?”
This will startle the helper and they will say: “I was only trying to be — “ “A Pedophile,” you scream.
“We don’t want your kind around–” Pause as though you are lost for the word. Look at your helper, helplessly.
The helper will say, “here.” “No! I was going to say, “We don’t want your kind around sticking peanut butter to the roofs of squirrels!”
Everyone will laugh at the helper.
“I know you are only trying to help but please let me finish my thoughts, unless you have a better one?” And that dear reader is how you deal with “helpers.” Think peanut butter.