Secrets of Billionaires

Who is the richest man on the planet? (Hint:  it’s still Bill.)

Who among you has illegal copies of Bill’s software? (I would guess 98 percent of the people who read this.)

Which brings us to the latest theory generated by my large brain:  there is a link between having your work illegally copied and/or stolen and becoming super-wealthy in the Age of Cyberspace.

Based on this reasoning and since I have a sincere desire to become a multimillionaire, I have decided to give away my latest novel. It was written with Microsoft software and the novel is, in fact, stored as software data.

Anyone who wants my new novel can have the file and read it on their computer or they can print it out. (Not that anyone is keeping track, but this novel is my 13th.)

You wouldn’t take something for nothing? Whatever. But indulge me. Go to my website and read the first three chapters of Betty’s Greatest Adventure.

It’s the story of a young girl who crosses the Atlantic in a quest to find her mother. It’s full of fun and pranks and, I hope, a little pathos. Plus there is a bit of pre-World War II history. According to the kids who have read BGA, the tale is a dynamite read for anyone aged 9 to 13.

If you like the story, then you can follow the link at the end of chapter three to, where, for four dollars, you can buy on-line in an electronic file the 16 remaining chapters.

No need to spend a penny. If you want the entire book, zap me an e-mail and say, “BGA, send.” (It’s been checked and scanned carefully for viruses.) It’s clean, as is the humour in it. Good family values.

I will send you a PDF file of my delightful novel within 24 hours. No charge. I’d love to know what you think of my children’s story.

By the way, you need a program called Acrobat to read PDF files. It comes loaded onto most new computers. But if you don’t have Acrobat Reader, one of the most successful companies in the world gives it away at

How could they make money, you ask? Well, Adobe also has a program to write Acrobat files. That costs plenty.

So how am I going to make money if I give away my novel? I have no idea. I could be after your e-mail address. But I’m not. As a matter of fact, I promise not to sell or give it to anyone. I simply long to get rich. To this end, I’ve been attempting to give away our assets to worthwhile charities. Many wealthy people, such as the Gateses and the Buffetts, do this.

I want to become like them‚ but my wife doesn’t get the picture. She stopped and interrogated me at the door when I tried to leave with our new sofa and rug. I had planned to give our furniture to street people who had no homes. I explained to Kate that it was time to start acting like a millionaire or billionaire. She became quite furious and made me put the items back in our front room. She said we were still paying for them. (I bet she’s the reason we’re not multimillionaires.)

But enough about domestic bliss. Just send me an e-mail and say “BGA, send” — by the way, my wife Kate loved Betty’s Greatest Adventure. (Please act quickly before Kate finds out what I’m doing.)


Type1 Type2 writer3 writer4 writer5

Click one of the above to see some of my work.

You can buy one of my novels here. If you

can't afford it, write me a funny

note and I'll send you a PDF

of the novel.

Rather than beg one million people to donate a dollar each, I'd like one billionaire (or two or even three) to simply give me a million buck$. You know who you are.