Smoke Signals vs. Smartphones
written by
Jaron Summers (c) 2025
We live in a world where your phone can unlock your car, suggest a therapist, and spy on your dreams.
But what happens when the battery dies, the signal drops, or Siri decides you’re not worth saving?
Enter: the noble smoke signal. No screen. No apps. Just fire, sky, and hope. Cavemen may have had the edge on tech after all.
Remote? Smoke Has Full Bars
Lost in the woods with a twisted ankle and no signal? Your phone’s a fancy paperweight. But your Neanderthal cousin? He’s upwind on a hill, waving a smoky “HELP!” to anyone fluent in fire. Within minutes: rescue.
You? Still begging Siri to call Mom while squirrels measure you for a casket.
Battery Life: Eternal
Smartphones die faster than fruit flies. Smoke signals? Just add twigs. No charger. No panic. No “low battery” blinking at you like a smug little tombstone. When it comes to uptime, smoke blows tech away.
Can’t Hack a Campfire
While your phone leaks your secrets to seventeen strangers in Belarus, smoke signals keep it old-school. No cookies, no spyware—just some ash, a smoldering log, and privacy so strong it smells like pine.
No Autocorrect, No Problem
“See you soon” becomes “Sue you spoon” thanks to autocorrect. Smoke signals? One puff = something. Two puffs = something else. That’s it. No keyboard meltdowns. No lawsuits. Just sweet, smoky clarity.
In Crisis, Smoke Always Answers
During earthquakes, alien invasions, or your cousin’s wedding, phones fail. But fire? Fire always shows up. One flick of a Bic and you’re broadcasting “SOS” (or “Send snacks”) across the valley.
Final Puff
Sure, your phone can order sushi. But when the grid goes down, sushi won’t save you. Smoke will.
So pack a blanket, learn to wave, and remember: the original wireless plan was 100% fire-powered—and it never dropped a call. Three puffs of smoke is always a call for help.
