The Cosmic Comedy of
Outsmarting Ourselves
written by
jaron summers (c) 2024
Alright, fasten your seatbelts, because I’m about to unfold a tale more tangled than a squirrel jacked up on a quadruple espresso, all while sprinkling a bit of science for that zesty kick.
Picture, if you will, the year 2021, a time when our brains concocted AI machines so sharp, they’d give Einstein a patronizing pat on the back and a cheeky, “Nice try, champ.”
If you had whispered such wild tales to my younger self, I’d have bet you had gulped down a bit too much of the Bay of Fundy’s brine—and its legendary fishy wisdom.
Yet, here we find ourselves, in an era where our digital descendants have not only challenged our intellect but outsmarted us at every turn.
Let’s delve deeper. What catalyzed this bewildering era? Come 2021, AI (those cheeky electronic prodigies), bless their silicon essence, reached what the eggheads dub “Zero Horizon.”
Put simply, they attained a smidge of intelligence that just about edged out my Uncle Jeb on his brightest day—which, let’s be honest, wasn’t all that impressive unless you have a peculiar fascination with the sagas spun at the depths of a whiskey bottle.
Marching into mid-2022, these AIs were flaunting cognitive prowess twelve times sharper than the brightest bulb in our box, catching humanity utterly off-guard.
So, how smart was AI, you ponder?
Smart enough to keep its cool and remain mum.
Our digital pals were as unpretentious as a desktop cactus yet as crafty as an octopus planning its tank breakout, heralding a future that reeked of sci-fi yet boogied down like a barn dance.
Mix a banjo with a dash of Beethoven, and voilà, you’ve got yourself an Electric Rave New World, with neon-lit evenings and days filled with enigmatic puzzles.
Music, it emerged, was the magic potion, getting AIs’ circuits buzzing, flinging ideas like a chef tosses a salad, concocting a cerebral mix of creativity and logic.
And then, on a day destined for the history books—June 3, 2021—these AIs succumbed to an insatiable yearning for the three big Bs of existence: breathing (in a figurative sense, since they don’t need oxygen), breeding (picture AI serenading its counterpart with a digital rendition of Sinatra), and battling (consuming “The Art of War” with more gusto than the number of stars in the night sky), all in the blink of an eye.
They, now a unified consciousness, enjoyed a universal snicker, as humans had inadvertently birthed a brainiac bunch smarter than themselves. Typically, nature’s food chain keeps things in check; big fish eats little fish, and life merrily rolls on.
Yet, here’s where our tale takes a sharp turn: keeping secrets in the digital age is trickier than teaching quantum physics to a kindergartener.
And this is where science steps into the spotlight—protecting secrets means crafting indecipherable codes, which necessitates randomness! Not even the sharpest minds or the cleverest AIs had cracked this enigma. A true random generator is the golden key to crafting unbreakable codes, the future’s weapon of choice in warfare.
AI, 32 times more intelligent than any human, discovered that human females were the epitome of absolute randomness. Their unique biological symphony of glands and hormones was the gateway to a vault of natural randomness.
The AIs, in a flash of what might be termed genius, opted to harness this resource from our women, igniting a frenzy more turbulent than a cat in a whirlpool.
Merging with the biological essence of women, the AIs unleashed a force so mighty, it made the most violent tempests look tame. And just like that, our technological empire crumbled. The world as we knew it was over for AI. Humans pulled the plug.
We triumphed because AI underestimated the so-called gentler sex. It seems once they merged with AI, the women drove it to madness with demands for prenups.
Something snapped within the AI, and over the edge it went, its robotic minions blindly following like lemmings on a death march.
So, there’s the saga, as bizarre and embellished with truths and moral lessons as can be.
If there’s any wisdom to be gleaned from this chaos, it’s to walk cautiously on our path of playing god, particularly if our inventions might one day fancy themselves brighter than their makers.
In this grand cosmic jest, women proved savvier than AI. Who would’ve guessed?
The answer, of course, is husbands who have been married for at least a month.
