2nd of a three part series. Part 1
Back Story — I advertise a home for rent in Edmonton.
An internet scammer, Juliet, has tried to hook me into sending her money —
These scammers send out 1,000s of emails to people on Craigslist who often just want to help students and earn enough money to survive.
In this installment I invent a new person (Professor Chip DeWitt) with a penthouse in Vancouver.
He writes about spas for a living, takes himself seriously and, oh yeah, he owns a 150-pound orangutan infected with emboli virus.
******
Dear Juliet —
Professor Chip DeWitt here. You had sent me a note about my penthouse in Vancouver.
You indicated you would like to rent it for $1599 a month.
(I totally make this up, hoping Juliet has forgotten where she has sent all her emails.)
I was all set — then my father (Lord Tim DeWitt) died and I could not leave while we settled his estate. I miss the old fellow but he had a good life.
I have now bought the penthouse, and enjoy it. I’m going to be traveling to China, visiting some of the finest spas our friends in the far east have built.
I will be away for about six weeks, then I will be back here and I will stay with my sister, Mrs. Grace Fonads. So I won’t be in your way. Then it’s off to Finland for the poker tournament.
From what you told me about yourself I think that a professional person like you would really like my penthouse.
You can have full run of the place except for the third bedroom which I will keep locked as it has personal papers and such in it. Nothing of value. And obviously you know how to keep the place in good condition.
I just had the kitchen upgraded. I don’t even want to talk about that price.
It is available for one year and the utilities run around $80 a month. You had asked about paying in advance. Lets say $20,000 which would include a $2,000 damage deposit. And I will accept a money order or cashier’s check. I can also give you the information on my bank so you can transfer money into my account.
Hope you are still interested.
If not, I will start placing ads again. I told my son, Mr. DeWitt Jr., that I really hoped you would still need a place.
Sincerely,
Professor DeWitt
PS — this is the entrance. We have a huge patio/balcony on the 18th floor. Thank you.
Read my articles on the best spas in
the world. Spas are my passion!
******
(Juliet writes back. I will highlight her pertinent parts. Basically she wants me to invest a lot of time sending her information. She has learned that the more she gets people to communicate with her, the more gullible they become.)
******
Hello,
I am happy to hear from you , i should call you now but i dont have calling credit on my phone and i will be happy if you can rent the room to me .
So can you please give me a brief description of the place (size,colour,and the gadgets in the APT) and to know how i can see the room/apt because as you can see that i am not in canada now and i want to rent the place ,so when i get there i will just move in , so i will be also happy if you can send to me the picture of the place and to let me know the rent fee per month and deposit if any, plus utilities and is there a packing garage(as I’ll be bringing in my Car).
Also can you please tell me more about yourself and any other person staying that i will be meeting over there regarding the space.I will be very glad to have my questions answered.
Am currently staying in London uk but here are a few other things about me.
Name:-wayne juliet, Age:-29,Sex :-female,Citizenship:- UK, Place of Birth:-Wood Green, Educational Qualification:-MD(HIV/AIDS DOCTOR), Institution:-National University, Religion:- Catholic, Marital Status:-Single, Cleanliness:- Very clean, Hobbies:-Dancing,Movies,Concerts,Soccer,Traveling
Nature:-Great sense of humor,easy going and very out going
Drinking/Drugs/Smoking:-Social Drinker don’t do drugs nor smoke
If the room is still available kindly get back to me with all this question as soon as possible.
Thank you
******
(I get back to her with an even more outlandish story.)
******
Professor DeWitt here.
This is incredible. You are without a doubt the perfect solution for my penthouse. In my earlier note to you I thought I had provided your requested details but that was prior to my father’s death (Lord Tim DeWitt).
I have three bedrooms and a Special Room (more about that later).
There are four full baths and a large living room with pretty much everything you want in the way of TV cable and high speed Internet. A wonderful view of the Pacific Ocean from two patios. It is in the heart of Vancouver a stone’s throw from Stanley Park. We have a full gym, sauna and pool.
I have china and silver — and many beautiful antiques.
The rent as I said is $1599 a month.
It is available for one year and the utilities run around $80 a month. You had asked about paying in advance. Lets say $20,000 which would include a $2,000 damage deposit. And I will accept a money order or cashier’s check. I can also give you the information on my bank so you can transfer money into my account.
If you want to take this lovely home on a shorter basis then it would be $2,200 a month. With a $5,000 damage deposit. But I really want to rent it for longer as I will be gone and I can give you a much better deal.
I also need to hear from your former landlord and banker.
We have a three car garage in the underground parking. My new Jag (a little toy I bought myself after his Lordship passed) takes up two spaces. I park at a diagonal.
Now, my dear doctor, I want you to forget about the above rent because I am going to tell you something that I would only share with a physician.
I spoke of a Special Room. In that room lives a friendly and gentle primate. Her name is — and you are not going to believe this — Julie. Isn’t that incredible? Almost the same name as yours.
Julie is a 150 pound orangutan infected with emboli virus. This can sometimes be dangerous but not as long as one takes simple precautions. Julie was my father’s favorite companion. Due to a mishap that will never occur again she bit my father and he later passed. But as I said he had a long and happy life.
When I take Julie out to play with her I wear a special Haz suit so there is never any danger.
I was making arrangements to leave on my spa tour of China and trying to find a place that would house and board Julie. As you can guess there are not a lot of such facilities in Canada. And they all demand endless paperwork. Paperwork that I don’t have because the authorities believe this poor animal was destroyed after the last two incidents. As I have always said, what people don’t know won’t hurt them.
So I will give you the deal of a lifetime. If you want to live in this incredible penthouse and look after Julie I will give you the place for only $1,000 a month. But you must stay a minimum of three months.
Your medical training will be a great asset.
So how about it?
Has the good Professor DeWitt got the deal of a lifetime for you?
Now the sooner you get here, the sooner you will see what a wonderful situation awaits you, Doctor.
Sincerely,
Professor DeWitt
Vancouver, BC
Read my articles on the best spas in
the world. Spas are my passion!
******
(Juliet, thinking she had hooked another sucker from the vast unwashed, quickly blasts the following back to me: )
******
hello i am so glad to her from you and i will like to get to you so tht i can mke the payment in csh or i cn hve it transfered to ur bank of america bank account asap ok or i cn have a check sent to you including my tickect money so as soon as u cash the check u will deduct the rent and send the rest of the money bck to em so that i can use it to pay for my flight ok
******
(I babble back….)
Dear Doctor Wayne,
Professor DeWitt here.
I apologize for not getting back to you earlier. I see from your email that you were awake in the middle of the night. You don’t have to explain why — the old professor understands how terribly difficult it is for a young lady to earn a degree in medicine and take on the world with huge debt when you are 29 years old. I sense you are worried about finances and your future.
I take off my hat to you, Doctor.
Actually for someone as sophisticated as I am in finance, it’s obvious that the old checkbook is under pressure. Otherwise you would simply send me the money for the room, get the check from your employer and deposit same.
Now please understand I am not being critical. I too have been close to a lot of money and unable to access it. In my case it was my father Lord Tim DeWitt (now dead as a doornail) who made my life a living hell by waiting for him to die.
Between you and me, doctor, I’m glad that primate bit him and ended his life. There, I have said it. And I’m not ashamed. Still I like the stupid huge monkey who reminds me of my father who loved it. I hate to admit it but sometimes I tease that orangutan. Yes, I do. I use pliers on its nose.
I do not know why I feel so comfortable writing to you. It’s just that I can almost see you in my mind. Although I have never met you — You will laugh and laugh when I tell you this but do you know how I see you in my mind’s eye?
You are at the beach. You have a tan. And you are wearing a two piece costume. I see a necklace. No. It’s more like something near your hand. Can’t quite make it out. See, I’m just a stupid old professor who thinks he can figure you out because you have almost the same name as a primate in the special room. Oh, I’m positive your hair is deep brown, it could even be black and it’s quite long. Now I have just read what I wrote — obviously my description could apply to a million women. I told you I was silly. Please forgive me.
But in spite of all — don’t you see what a coincidence all of this is? Your having almost the same name as the animal in the next room. It’s as though God willed us to meet.
So anyway, Dear Doctor, since I really need you here. How about we show each other some trust? I spoke to my son — Mr. DeWitt Jr. — about you. He is headed toward London in three days. He will be staying very near Charing Cross Station on the Strand in London.
How about I arrange for him to give you the money you need to clean up your affairs in London, ship your car here and purchase yourself a ticket.
Then you can take your entire check, deposit it and when you are settled here and I have taught you how to deal with the orangutan you can pay me for your trip and other expenses that I will have advanced the money on. We will put together a lease that will work well for.
I must leave Vancouver for China within nine days. If you can’t do this — then I will have to find someone else. I really don’t want to do that.
Respectfully,
Professor DeWitt
Vancouver, BC
P.S. — now PLEASE do not mention to anyone about the orangutan. It’s simply none of their business. Here is a photo of it.
Read my articles on the best spas in
the world. Spas are my passion!
(About now Juliet figures I’m rich and daffy. She is right about one thing and it ain’t money I have. She sends me exactly the same note again. Hers is a life of cut and paste.)
******
hello i am so glad to her from you and i will like to get to you so tht i can mke the payment in csh or i cn hve it transfered to ur bank of america bank account asap ok or i cn have a check sent to you including my tickect money so as soon as u cash the check u will deduct the rent and send the rest of the money bck to em so that i can use it to pay for my flight ok
******
Juliet sends me her photo so I can spot her when she arrives the airport. It’s quite different than the one at the top of this page.
(I forge on with Juliet who could be anyone or a combination of creeps. At the same time I send her other emails from strange people all over the world, all these people want to help her. More about them later.)
******
Dear Doctor Wayne,
Professor DeWitt here again.
I like the way u write, Doc.
I am anxious for ur arrival. Even bought a little champagne. I see u r a social drinker.
I do not trust Western Union. One of my dear friend, Lord Sinclair III, lost thousand of $$$ in what is known as a Nigerian scam. Please goggle it and u will see what I mean.
Now I must take u again into my confidence. The funds I have offshore cannot be moved by wire. There could be a problem with taxes. It is my money now and I can do with it as I please. Just like the orangutan is r business and only r business. Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge. Say no more. Say no more. LOL (laughing out loud)
Please tell me how much money you need. My son (Mr. DeWitt Jr.) will deliver the money personally to u. Do you want it in Canadian dollars or Euros?
U will need to go (or send someone) to pick up the money near Charing Cross Station on the Strand in London.
Outside, and as part of, Charing Cross Station on the Strand, on the right side, is a coffee shop called Costas. It has an outside seating area.
The meeting place is right next to Costas outside seating area, next to the entrance to the station on the right hand outside.
My son will be wearing a dark pin-striped business suit. He has dark short hair and will be carrying a brown hand-tooled leather briefcase. Mr. DeWitt Jr. will have a Burberry brown raincoat, if raining he will have a bright paisley multi-coloured tie.
U need to be here in Vancouver ASAP (as soon as possible).
Sincerely,
Professor DeWitt
P.S. — here is some information you need to know about Julie:
I have told Julie about you and she almost seems to understand. She will not drink from a dish or cup so it’s important that you take her for a walk in the early morning in Stanley Park when there is a lot of dew on the leaves. The only way she can take liquids.
Read my articles on the best spas in
the world. Spas are my passion!
What will happen?
Will Juliet suspect that I have a friend who has made 100s of documentaries and lives near London?
He will be stalking her with a long lens…
.….continued
