Dressing for Success

"I want to repair a hole in my jeans." I showed her my old jeans.

I was washing my old Volvo when I spilled some battery acid on my jeans.

After hosing them off I threw them in the washing machine.  That got rid of the acid but there was a hole about the size of iPhone in the seat.

I stopped at a LA’s men’s store.

The clerks all wore black.  They were tall and skinny and rather elegant.  They looked like they had stepped off the cover of Vanity Fair —  the Millennial Leaders edition.

I asked a sales gal if they carried patches.

“Like band-aids that stop you from smoking?” she said.  “Gawd no. Like this is a high-end boutique like destination where future leaders of America and the world like buy in-shit.”

“I want to repair a hole in my jeans.” I showed her my old jeans.

She tossed me a look that made me think she was getting ready for a bulimia break “We don’t sew shit up.  We like sell it.  Get it?”

She hurled my jeans into a waste basket, took me by my ear and lead me over to a wall of jeans.  They ranged in price from $99 to $4,999.99.

The most expensive styles were re-made from old pants that miners from the California Gold Rush had died in,

“Those jeans look like rags,” I said.

“We pride ourselves in offering like, actually, the most up-to-date styles.”

I retrieved my jeans with the acid hole, ducked into a changing room and slipped them on. With my ass hanging out of my jeans,  I left the store.

I was a part of the fashion elite.  It would be only a matter of hours before Vanity Fair called.






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Jaron Summers wrote dozens of primetime television and radio programs, including those for HBO, CBS, ACCESS TV and CBC. He conceived the TV and Film Institute of Canada. Funded by the University of Alberta and ITV, Jaron ran the Institute for 12 years, donating his services for a decade.

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