I just got back from Comdex in Las Vegas. The year is 1997
About a half zillion people attended Comdex, the largest computer/electronics show in the world.
Did I see anything new?
Nope. Just old things in different sizes.
For example, huge flat-screen TV sets. Some would easily cover your living room wall, making Pavarotti’s tonsils nearly the size of his ego.
And tiny palm-sized computers, prototypes you’d have to be an organ grinder’s monkey to operate. I mean how the heck could you type on a keyboard no bigger than the tongue of your shoe?
First we had desktops, then laptops, then palm-sized computers.
What’s next? Thumbnail monitors? Misplace those and they’ll be harder to find than contact lenses.
Lately, there just hasn’t been anything new. Of course this doesn’t mean there won’t be. (I hate to be known as another Charlie Duell—in 1899 he told the Congress of the United States it would be wise to close the Patent Office because there was nothing left to invent. Mr. Duell was commissioner of the U.S. Patent Office.)
At the same time as Comdex, the adult movie-making world assembled in Vegas to celebrate their achievements. They called it AdultDex 97, a kind of peep show-convention notion—an awards ceremony/exhibition for porn stars (or “adult entertainment artists,” as they like to bill themselves).
Porn stars and computer stars.
Surrogates of Gates interfacing with Sexual Reprobates to create cyberporn in a desert.
What could they possibly have in common? Simple.
Each depends on sand. Or silicon. It’s the basic building blocks of chips and hips. Or, to be more risqué: tits and bits.
The porno stars, who haven’t invented anything new lately, are using the same strategy as the computer marketers: make things bigger or smaller.
Gals’ chests are so enormous that babies can’t nurse without the aid of a Matterhorn guide and waists are getting down to ring sizes.
As a matter-of-fact, like Comdex and AdultDex, almost everything in Las Vegas has become much bigger or much smaller.
The casinos are bigger. The acts are bigger. The tigers that work the acts are bigger. Even their teeth are bigger.
The table stakes are bigger. The traffic is bigger, it’s like downtown Manhattan at rush hour. (Of course, you don’t have to go to New York because chunks of it have already been copied and assembled right in the middle of Vegas.)
As for things getting smaller—well, most of the tips are smaller according to the bell boys and taxi drivers. Employees’ salaries are smaller. Indeed, there are more part-time employees in Nevada than at a McDonald’s.
People work as hard as they used to but many casinos offer only part-time work. Residents must hold down two or three jobs to make ends meet. Alas, part-time work offers zero health or pension benefits.
Money. Money. Money.
Las Vegas has become obsessed with the bottom line because it’s supposedly run by big corporations instead of the mob. Everyone talks about the mob, the good old days, when the town was wide open. Maybe. But the guys in the $3,000 suits who watch the money counters fanning the 100s still look like they work for the mob.
Wishful thinking? Call me sentimental.
Guys from the mob took care of business. I remember 30 years ago, driving across the desert on my way to UCLA. I stayed at the Hacienda and that night I won $55. A pit boss walked over and we chatted for a few minutes. I told him I was on my way to college. I also said I had started out with $10. He told me to quit while I was ahead. I took his advice.
Three years later, I drove back through Vegas and stayed at the same casino. I figured I’d try my luck again at the same blackjack table. As I tossed down $2, a soft voice said, “You still think you owe us $55, Jaron? I told you to keep it.”
It took me a long time to place the smiling pit boss’ face. I had long forgotten his name.
Those were the good old days.
Vegas knew how to make you feel at home.
Before you needed to be a monkey to use a keyboard. Before you could monkey around on a keyboard. (Cybersex wasn’t even a word). The good old days.
Before Silicon Valley and Silicon Mountains, it was just Vegas and old-fashioned sand.
