Officer Bubbles

Hi, I am a Canadian Citizen and have paid my full and fairly honest taxes for many years. Partial confession. I am not perfect. When I was ten I stole Lifesavers (peppermint) from our local grocer in Didsbury, Alberta, and although I was under a cloud of suspicion for over a year, I was never apprehended...

To the Toronto Police Department:

Hi,

I am a Canadian citizen and have paid my full and fairly honest taxes for many years. Partial confession. I am not perfect. When I was ten I stole Lifesavers (peppermint) from our local grocer in Didsbury, Alberta, and although I was under a cloud of suspicion for over a year, I was never apprehended or charged.

However, since I am now 68, I think the statute of limitations has tolled. So I am home free. (Right?)

I have had only two traffic tickets in my entire life. None for jay walking. I have never killed anyone. I love and respect Canada. I understand something about crime and catching thieves. I wrote Hart to Hart, Miami Vice and a detective series called Diamonds that was filmed in Toronto.

I once wrote a novel called “The Soda Cracker” that was made into a horrible movie. It was based on a member of the RCMP. Later he became the chief constable for Vancouver.

Anyway, I would like to join up with your guys. I am not as tough as Officer Bubbles but I totally support his stand on crime.

It would be an honor to work with him and together we could make a difference. It is time we in law enforcement got tough on defiant chicks with dangerous bubble equipment!!! Also, I often wake up in the middle of the night thinking about what could be hidden in a Teddy Bear that many of these blonde chicks have in their houses.

Officer Bubbles and I would do a bang up job of fighting crime and/or evil. Promise.

And while I am no longer fast enough to catch perps, I think I could do a fine job of searching them once they were cuffed.

Please send me an application.

Respectfully,

jaron summers

P.S. — can I please have a provisional badge now to practice?

officer-1

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jaron

jaron

Jaron Summers wrote dozens of primetime television and radio programs, including those for HBO, CBS, ACCESS TV and CBC. He conceived the TV and Film Institute of Canada. Funded by the University of Alberta and ITV, Jaron ran the Institute for 12 years, donating his services for a decade.

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