The curious thoughts of Jaron Summers

bittersweeet

Brewed Sovereignty

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By brewing coffee at home instead of buying daily Starbucks lattes, I heroically save thousands per year, protect our financial sovereignty, and transform each humble 22-cent cup into a steaming monument to compound interest and marital devotion.

Alleged Silence

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A humorous reexamination of the so-called Silent Era, arguing that early films were anything but quiet—alive with music, heckling audiences, narrators, and mechanical clatter—turning moviegoing into a noisy, democratic spectacle.

Patterns

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    Patterns of Life and Death w…ritten by Jaron Summers © 2025 There was a time when humans survived without cell phones. This is not because they were more virtuous or better informed. It is because their brains worked faster than explanation. A person alone in a jungle before cell phones did not possess … Patterns

Quantum Writing

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Writers, of course, prefer certainty. They like rules. They like checklists. Syd Field offered a life raft. Howard Suber offered an ocean and said, “Swim.”

The Summers Interview

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Rachel: I’m calling bullshit on what you just said. Have you ever had a relationship with a minor and are you and Epstein friends? Mr. Summers: Yes.

Puppet Masterpiece

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He trusted AI… and it turned him into Hemingway with Wi-Fi. One man, one laptop, and a swarm of invisible puppet strings descending from the Cloud. What could go wrong? (Besides accidental brilliance, mild fame, and the occasional rogue kale order.)

The Day I Snapped

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L.A. parking meters aren’t broken. They are simply brilliant machines doing exactly what they were built to do: Confuse legally, charge automatically, and grin electronically.

Formaldehyde

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A darkly funny memoir about a lovable grifter cousin—who moonlights as a freelance embalmer—crashing a quiet family’s life, racking up phone bills, dodging Mounties, and disappearing in a puff of charm.

Finger Brain

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In a darkly comic exploration of evolution, technology, and thumb-powered hubris, The Finger Brain vs. The Octopus pits humanity’s smartphone addiction against nature’s eight-armed genius. Narrated in Werner Herzog’s existential tone, this short blends satire, science, and surrealism into a viral-ready, animated battle of brains vs. bandwidth.

Our Creeping Civil War

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In a deeply divided America, neighbors wage war with lawn signs, podcasts, and passive-aggressive potlucks. Slow Motion Civil War is a satirical dramedy where the front lines are Facebook feeds, and the real battle is over who brings the best dip to the HOA meeting. Think Dr. Strangelove meets Nextdoor.

The Cartographer’s Folly

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Beware the Mapmaker’s Pen … Every line drawn on a map cuts deeper than ink—it severs neighbors, sparks wars, and cages clouds with fences. Once, the earth was whole and free. Now borders bloom like mold, and flags divide what love once united. Maps don’t protect us—they imprison us.

I’m Not on God’s AutoPilot

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A thoughtful rejection of faith-based motivational clichés, this essay questions predestination, challenges divine micromanagement, and urges respect for diverse beliefs rather than assuming one-size-fits-all theology.

Security is a Bear

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In a world where privacy is a bedtime story, Papa Bear and Mommy Bear’s tech partnership monitors everything—from snack choices to lawn gnomes—turning Baby Bear’s life into a surveillance circus.

CITY OF MIRACLES

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Miraculous experiences in Paris. From foiling a pickpocket to being saved from a dangerous fall and surviving a tense security incident — the perils and unexpected joys of French travel in the City of Light.

SMILE

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Here’s a photo of a woman I met last week. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23-year-old woman. She is still vibrant and beautiful. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her.  An angry lover poured acid in her face.  … SMILE

Stormy Youth

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Ever suffer from Astraphobia—fear of lightning and thunder? I don’t. Although there are lots of things I am terrified of—such as being attacked by giant spiders who inject my body with some kind of stun juice so they or their offspring can eat me later.