jaron – JARON SUMMERS

City X

jaron | April 20, 2026

Writers like to believe words travel further than we can see. I wrote this piece 30 years ago about a city that challenged my assumptions— about safety, community, and how we see the world. Soon after, I applied for a visa to China. Instead of the usual one year, I was granted ten. It’s almost certainly […]

EGG FU FUN

jaron | April 18, 2026

From the 23rd floor of the Hyatt in Shanghai my wife and I look down on the Egg. A chicken that laid such an egg would stand taller than the Statue of Liberty. Even so, you could not make an omelet large enough from that gargantuan hen to feed the 1.4 billion people in China […]

Curious Karmas

jaron | April 16, 2026

A small act of kindness… and a surprisingly firm refusal I turned 84 the other day. At that age, birthdays are less about cake and more about accounting. Not financial accounting—I’ve done enough of that—but the quieter kind. You start taking stock of the people who, for reasons still not entirely clear, helped you along […]

Well… This Is Interesting

jaron | April 15, 2026

Another two minutes begins here. Welcome. You may have arrived from a handsome little round card, a QR code, a story about breakfast, or a temporary lapse in judgment. However it happened, I’m glad you made it. I’ve spent much of my life writing stories, columns, essays, novels, screenplays, and the occasional sentence that looked […]

Zeropop 2

jaron | April 14, 2026

There is a monument in America that seems to be waiting for something. It does not advertise. It does not explain itself. It simply stands there, patient as a man who knows something the rest of us do not. In northeastern Georgia, on a low, unremarkable hill, five massive slabs of granite rise out of […]

Zeropop 3

jaron | April 14, 2026

Human beings claim to love answers. That is one of our more charming lies. We say we want clarity. We say we want facts. We say we want everything laid out plainly, like a decent breakfast menu in a respectable diner. But the truth is, what really hooks us is mystery. Give us a clean […]

ZeroPop

jaron | April 13, 2026

There were four brothers who were, more or less, geniuses, and they more or less hated each other. The first time they fully understood how important they were to one another was after their father killed himself. The brothers were known as the Loz Brothers. Loz was a strange name, and although each of them […]

Curious Karmas

jaron | April 12, 2026

the Language of Bricks

jaron | April 11, 2026

Frank Sharpe lives across the alley from us in Edmonton, in a neighborhood populated by professors, doctors, and architects—people who employ long words and are often short of patience. Busy. Busy. Busy. Frank claims, “I’m just a bricklayer.” Which is like Pablo Picasso saying, “I dabble.” Frank is my age—maybe a year younger if he’s […]

A Life in Temporary Memory

jaron | April 10, 2026

For a while there, it felt as if my computer had joined a secret society devoted to my humiliation. One minute I was a reasonably confident citizen of the modern world, the sort of man who can still locate a paragraph he wrote in 1978 and argue about it with authority. The next minute I […]

The Backup Plan

jaron | April 9, 2026

There are many ways the world might end. Asteroid. Pandemic. Artificial intelligence deciding it prefers dolphins. But few have considered the most probable cause: Kate misplacing my notes. Somewhere in this house—beneath a teacup, inside a cookbook, or disguised as a grocery list—is a crumpled page containing ideas so essential that, without them, the future […]

The Water Tower

jaron | April 8, 2026

I used to look at the water tower in Coronation and wonder what, exactly, it was waiting for. By daylight it was only a water tower, which is what sensible people called it. It stood there on its stilts like a dutiful public servant, holding water for baths, dishwashing, and the general maintenance of […]

Sidewalk Hierarchy

jaron | April 2, 2026

There comes a moment in every man’s life when he realizes he is not at the top of the food chain. For some, it happens on safari. For others, in a boardroom. For me, it happened on a Tuesday morning in Los Angeles when a pigeon refused to move. I don’t mean it hesitated. […]

Sparkle Sauce

jaron | April 2, 2026

For most of my life, writing something decent took time. Not hours. Weeks. I would write a piece, tinker with it, walk away, come back, fix a few things, and eventually—if the gods were kind—end up with something worth publishing. Then something odd happened. Now I can take a piece I wrote forty years ago—or […]

Before I Hit Send

jaron | April 2, 2026

I have ended friendships that took forty years to build in under a minute. Not with a knife. Not with a fist. Not even face to face. With an email. Not just any email, either. A magnificent one. A scorching, beautifully reasoned, morally airtight email written in the white heat of absolute certainty. You know […]

What’s True in Peru

jaron | April 2, 2026

To ensure a successful marriage, a man must understand true love. My wife and I have been happily married for more than a quarter of a century—something of a minor miracle in Southern California. So I feel qualified, at least in a reckless, anecdotal way, to recognize true love when I see it. That’s why […]

Fog, Lobsters, and Lies

jaron | April 1, 2026

The chaos was already bad when the phone rang. On St. Margaret’s Bay, loons sang silly songs in the Nova Scotia fog while McDuff, seventy-one and overweight, sat bolt upright in his enormous second-floor suite. Even on his massive Simmons Beauty Rest memory-foam bed, he felt insignificant. Nestled beside him, his third wife, Danielle, thirty-five, […]

Gravity Kid

jaron | April 1, 2026

The first memory I have of my father is his bald head. I was bald too, having been on the planet only three weeks. I was not yet strong enough to toss my father into the air and catch him, so he did the honors for both of us. Dad flipped me like a pancake […]

The Third Parent

jaron | April 1, 2026

A child is born. Two people claim credit. Both may be right. A hundred years from now, someone will insist they know exactly who I was. They’ll say Jaron Summers was six feet tall, or five-foot-eight, or possibly a defensive end for a mid-level college team in Nebraska. There will be records. There are always […]

Granite, Prozac, and Justice

jaron | April 1, 2026

My wife and I drank champagne on the night of January 16, 1994. Things were rosy. Our condo, ideally located in Bel Air, had appreciated nicely, and we had an eager buyer. We stood to double our investment. Then the Northridge earthquake struck before dawn. When the phone lines finally came back later that day, […]

Purple GAS

jaron | March 31, 2026

In Coronation, Alberta, there were two kinds of gasoline. One kind was legal for ordinary sinners. The other was purple. Purple gas was meant for farmers and farm equipment, which made sense because farmers had machinery the size of apartment blocks and fuel bills that could make a grown man stare at the horizon and […]

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jaron | March 31, 2026

Purple Gas and Jesse James by Jaron Summers In Coronation, Alberta, there were two kinds of gasoline. One kind was legal for ordinary sinners. The other was purple. Purple gas was meant for farmers and farm equipment, which made sense because farmers had machinery the size of apartment blocks and fuel bills that could make […]

Glass Before Walls

jaron | March 29, 2026

I guess when you’re young, there are some things you don’t understand. When you grow up, you think about them again. In my case, it was Father Dodo—which just happened to be what everyone called him. I think his real name was Father Van Tellie, but now that doesn’t matter much. Even the Catholics said […]

What the Mirror Took

jaron | March 29, 2026

Charlie Fast had been a card mechanic at eighteen, back in the day when a spotless cuff and a calm hand could part a fool from his paycheck without anyone feeling insulted. He never rushed a move. He slowed everything down. Freeze-frame slow. No jerks. No flourishes. No misdirection. He wanted you to see exactly […]

Auto-Renew: The Horror Story

jaron | March 29, 2026

The Subscription That Wouldn’t Die For at least two years, possibly longer, a company I barely remembered was charging my credit card. Not aggressively. Not loudly. Just… faithfully. The company is called 10Web. I’m sure it provides something useful to someone. Perhaps to many someones. But to me it had become one of those modern […]

Au Pair

jaron | March 27, 2026

I have reached a point in my life at 84, where I believe every problem I encounter—particularly those that are not my fault—can be solved by hiring a 19-year-old Swedish au pair. This is not a whimsical conclusion. It is the result of years of careful observation, reflection, and several avoidable incidents involving jackets with […]

Dream Big. Drink Small.

jaron | March 26, 2026

I like to reassure friends who are down on their luck. I tell them, very sincerely, “If I win the Mega Millions jackpot—say a billion dollars—I’m buying you a cup of coffee.” They look at me the way you look at a man who has just offered you a single peanut at a […]

Powered by Snapping Honey Badgers

jaron | March 23, 2026

At my age, every modern platform begins with the same smiling promise: this will be easy. That is the first lie. Somewhere deep inside Fiverr, where timers tick softly and customer-service language is polished until it can blind a man at twenty paces, there appears to be a system designed to make accidental approval much […]

Killer Paper

jaron | March 23, 2026

“Back in my day,” said Leon Purvis, who had done enough time to qualify as a public landmark, “a man could at least trust his poison to be honest.” Darnell, who was twenty-three and still wore the baffled expression of someone who had not expected life to end up as a concrete bunk and an […]

Magic Salt Sponge

jaron | March 21, 2026

Oversalted beef bourguignon leds to a French endorsement and a business built on temperature confusion. Lately the world seems to be in a foul mood. Every time you turn on the news, somebody is bombing somebody, two governments are threatening a third government, the economy is making the sort of noises a transmission makes just […]

The Fertile Curtain

jaron | March 21, 2026

Kate and I once lived between two families who each had 243 children. One family was Chinese. The other was Russian. We were the neutral zone. Now, before anybody gets the wrong idea, Kate and I love children. We married late, found each other at just the right time, and decided there were already plenty […]

Subliminal Seduction

jaron | March 20, 2026

A long time ago, when America was still capable of being shocked by an ice cube, a man named Wilson Bryan Key wrote a book called Subliminal Seduction. He argued that advertisers were hiding naughty little messages in magazine ads and liquor layouts—tiny visual smirks tucked below the threshold of awareness. If you stared hard […]

The Happiest Disappointment

jaron | March 19, 2026

A nervous young writer meets Chuck Connors, idol of The Rifleman, and watches a childhood myth collapse into laughter, profanity, and charm—opening a documentary-sized window onto celebrity, memory, and America’s rough-edged old Hollywood masculinity.

Breakfast With Walt

jaron | March 18, 2026

A young West Point graduate meets Walt Disney over breakfast and is offered a glimpse into a future inside the Magic Kingdom—until one honest answer ends the opportunity, leaving him decades later reflecting on the cost of perfect timing.

Pauses

jaron | March 17, 2026

At breakfast, a husband tests a joke on friends—but the payoff reveals something deeper: the timing, patience, and laughter that keep a marriage alive after forty years.

Ten Cents Short

jaron | March 16, 2026

Forty years ago in Calcutta there were establishments promising a great time for ten cents. I did not go. Not because I lacked curiosity. I simply lacked the ten cents. This was during a period of my life when my finances were not so much “tight” as they were “philosophical.” I believed money should circulate […]

Flat Prune

jaron | March 15, 2026

How to Hack Time (Using Science, Energy Drinks, and a Chatbot Named Steve) “You want time itself to slow?” asked Tucker, seventeen, slurping a quadruple energy drink through a bamboo straw. “I’m creating temporal drag.” “That sounds like something you’d get arrested for,” he said. “No, no. Temporal drag means making time feel slower on […]

Secret Sauce

jaron | March 14, 2026

A New Way to Share Stories Summers’ Secret Sauce Turning Short Stories Into Readers, Listeners, and Fans Concept proposal by Jaron Summers © 2026 This describes a simple idea: turning greeting cards into gateways to stories. The Core Idea Imagine a greeting card that does more than deliver a message. Inside the card is […]

Love is a many Splendored Thing

jaron | March 13, 2026

I met Mr. and Mrs. and Mrs. and Mrs. and Mrs. and Mrs. Brigham Splendor just outside of Salt Lake City. They, as old-time Mormons once did, practice plural marriage. Today the Mormons (The Church or Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) excommunicates any of its members involved in polygamy.

The Dumfus Tax Dynasty

jaron | March 12, 2026

Since 1776, every heir in the Dumfus dynasty shares the same name—and the same birthday—when an IRS auditor finally investigates, he uncovers America’s strangest tax loophole… and a family determined to protect it.

Uncensored

jaron | March 2, 2026

In jaunty rhyme, Freud’s couch confesses cocaine habits, dream decoding, and humanity’s quarrel between id and superego—suggesting beneath our polished manners lurks a bargaining child with complicated desires.

Titration

jaron | March 1, 2026

In a mischievous tour of dopamine, nicotine, and romance, Jaron Summers dissects how humans become habit-forming to one another. Blending neuroscience with Alberta marital timing, he reveals the mechanics of emotional addiction—and argues it’s far nobler to be oxygen than a cigarette.

Stillness

jaron | February 28, 2026

After hearing Charlie Munger’s advice about avoiding the place you’ll die, a wealthy widower hires experts to calculate his fatal coordinates. In dodging death, he nearly avoids living—until he discovers the safest place to die is wherever he finally finds peace.

The Neptune Surge

jaron | February 27, 2026

In his private journal, an absurdly earnest sex therapist reveals “The Neptune Surge,” a comic strategy for boosting male confidence through strategic breathing. A satire on ego, applause, and marital choreography, it suggests love sometimes begins with well-timed oxygen.

Brewed Sovereignty

jaron | February 27, 2026

By brewing coffee at home instead of buying daily Starbucks lattes, I heroically save thousands per year, protect our financial sovereignty, and transform each humble 22-cent cup into a steaming monument to compound interest and marital devotion.

Repair Your Sole

jaron | February 26, 2026

After mishearing his pastor’s advice, a 101-year-old tycoon concludes that eternal life depends on shoe reinforcement. Titanium soles, flattened hills, and cautious concubines follow. Unfortunately, death is unimpressed by traction — and deeply sensitive to vowels.

Rock Solid

jaron | February 25, 2026

I woke to a breeze slipping through our tiny condo a few miles from UCLA and watched my Post-it notes lift off like a coordinated air force. They rose from the desk in disciplined formation — grocery lists, reminders, fragments of dialogue, one ambitious note that simply said “EMPIRE?” — and drifted across the […]

Fault Lines

jaron | February 24, 2026

When a tremor disrupts a BYU preparedness class, an overcautious accountant and a quick-acting Californian collide. As they navigate rivalry, faith, and attraction, they learn that some foundations shift quietly—and some risks are worth taking.

Royalties

jaron | February 23, 2026

Jaron Summers has written novels, screenplays, essays, and at least one extremely valuable grocery list. He believes in ownership, rhythm, and reading contracts slowly. More at jaronsummers.com.

Strategic Surrender

jaron | February 23, 2026

When I was younger, I believed in conquest. Not the sword-and-sandal variety. More the tidy American kind. Conquer the market. Conquer the critics. Conquer obscurity. Conquer cholesterol. Conquer time. Time, especially. If you could just outrun it, outwork it, outwrite it — you could win. Then one day, without so much as a drumroll, […]

Quiet Glow

jaron | February 21, 2026

When a modern dentist calls it “old work,” memory opens wide. A craftsman’s sweat, a father’s silence, and a generation that believed in pressure and permanence return. Sometimes what lasts longest isn’t the filling—but the glow it leaves behind. Bridge to the next piece: In the next essay, I look more closely at what my father’s generation packed tightly away—and what happens when the capsules finally open.

Idaho Zone

jaron | February 19, 2026

The Idaho Zone W…ritten by jaron summers © 2026 At 103, she eats one pound of hamburger a day. Six potatoes. Eggs. Unpasteurized milk. Butter applied with agricultural authority. Meanwhile, I require a spreadsheet to approach a muffin. The internet insists longevity lives in Sardinia, Okinawa, and somewhere near a Greek olive tree that charges […]

Rigid Lessons

jaron | February 19, 2026

In a town obsessed with straight lines, one quiet medical curve humbles millions—approximately 43,000,000.5 of them. A darkly comic fable about pride, aging, carrots with opinions, and the awkward discovery that geometry eventually negotiates with us all.

The Last Picture Show

jaron | February 16, 2026

W…ritten by jaron summers © 2026 I used to think great films required great budgets. Studios. Sound stages. Lighting grids. A small army of people arguing over coffee while someone quietly adjusts a lens by half a millimeter. I loved that machinery. The drama behind the drama. Then one morning the Chinese released a fifteen-second […]

Chair Width

jaron | February 16, 2026

We measure life in miles, mortgages, and business-class beds — but the only number that really counts is the space between two chairs. Civilization isn’t GDP. It’s passing the soy sauce without standing up.

Annihilation Notice

jaron | February 15, 2026

An email declares my life “PERMANENTLY INCINERATED,” so I check my fingers—since Gmail needs a fingerprint. The dark web hasn’t stolen anything but attention. I delete it, and Kate asks if I’m done panicking yet.

Resist the Thread

jaron | February 14, 2026

A missing two-dollar pen leads to surveillance reviews, economic math, municipal overreaction, a $4.7 trillion Great Wall, and drones. Conclusion: most crises are migrations, not invasions — especially when the empire in question is my wife, Kate’s purse.

Blocking Culture

jaron | February 13, 2026

A tall hat blocks my view of The New Yorker’s cover,
and suddenly I’m questioning modern culture, theater manners,
and whether my mind is slipping — or just paying attention.

Red States, Blue Plates

jaron | February 4, 2026

A wild bipartisan experiment pairs voters from opposite parties to live in each other’s homes, snoop for clues, sing songs, and hug it out—proving democracy might just be saved with casseroles and karaoke.

Trusting Toxins

jaron | February 2, 2026

W…ritten by jaron summers © 2026 When I, at the age of seven, arrived in Coronation strange things began happening to me. This was unfortunate, as I was not prepared for them and had not been consulted. I knew no one. I missed my friends in Victoria, British Columbia. I longed for the Pacific Ocean, […]

Metered Mercy

jaron | February 2, 2026

A cheerful reckoning of light and death: how candles taxed curiosity, electricity cheapened killing, and modern comfort spends pennies to see everything while measuring nothing—with a wink and ledger.

Nemesis

jaron | February 1, 2026

meet Elara: Newton’s silent counterweight, a mind no one had ever heard of until now, who outthought him by seeming harmless—questioning gold, immortality, and solvents, and proving that wisdom sometimes wins by thinking like something too innocent to fear.

Postbiotic

jaron | January 29, 2026

Raised between penicillin and the Pill, a man with aching knees encounters modern medicine, then accidentally cures himself with a gel heel cup—proving that progress is impressive, but sometimes wildly overdressed.

The Flotation Device

jaron | January 28, 2026

A floating farce about rich people who believe international waters suspend consequences. One napkin map, one yacht, and a series of polite disasters reveal that responsibility sinks slower than money—and dignity sinks first.

FIRE SALE

jaron | January 27, 2026

Two lovers. An L.A. dream condo. Fraud, lust, leverage—and fire as the only honest exit.

FLUFFER PRO

jaron | January 26, 2026

At a marina bar, a smug explainer redraws America and Canada on a napkin, declares borders imaginary, laws optional, and vibes sovereign. Cocktails sweat, tempers flare, a yacht launches, and the soggy napkin proves geopolitics dissolves fastest in alcohol first.

Misdirection

jaron | January 24, 2026

Misdirection is my confession: I don’t hide thieves; I hide reality, letting confidence sprint headfirst into a fire hydrant, where criminal ambition meets municipal iron, physics, and the sudden moral clarity of pavement—forever laughing.

Radical Therapy

jaron | January 23, 2026

**40-word synopsis** A savage marital satire: a brilliant, possibly unhinged therapist shocks a couple at divorce’s edge. His outrageous philosophy ignites a midnight hotel reunion, flips sexual power on its head, and saves a marriage—while skewering America’s fear of desire and manners.

POINT

jaron | January 18, 2026

A darkly funny, heart-warming family tale about survival, scarcity, and inherited wisdom—spanning two world wars to modern kitchens—where love is rationed, humor endures, and one family learns that sometimes the secret to happiness is simply knowing where to point.

The Beard Effect

jaron | January 14, 2026

I added a beard and lost my senior-citizen privileges. Once escorted to seats, I’m now judged for keeping them. A crow beside me went unnoticed. Apparently, wisdom grows faster than feathers.

Dollization of Lived Experience

jaron | January 13, 2026

A satirical sci-fi comedy in which a writer interviews at a toy conglomerate that turns human quirks into dolls—only to discover the ultimate product is him. Brazil meets Barbie, skewering empathy, capitalism, and identity with dark humor.

Alleged Silence

jaron | January 7, 2026

A humorous reexamination of the so-called Silent Era, arguing that early films were anything but quiet—alive with music, heckling audiences, narrators, and mechanical clatter—turning moviegoing into a noisy, democratic spectacle.

The Glow

jaron | December 28, 2025

A small-town dentist mixes dental fillings in his sweaty palms, downs Crown Royal like water, teaches his son ancient goldsmithing secrets, and pulls his own tooth to prove pain is forgettable—then makes one final, unforgettable exit.

Lunch With a Tiny Revolutionary

jaron | December 25, 2025

A bearded man’s harmless joke at a hostile-humored restaurant sparks a comic showdown with a fearless little girl, ending in laughter, mock menace, and the birth of a tiny lifelong nemesis.

Patterns

jaron | December 16, 2025

Patterns of Life and Death w…ritten by Jaron Summers © 2025 There was a time when humans survived without cell phones. This is not because they were more virtuous or better informed. It is because their brains worked faster than explanation. A person alone in a jungle before cell phones did not possess […]

Quantum Writing

jaron | December 14, 2025

Writers, of course, prefer certainty. They like rules. They like checklists. Syd Field offered a life raft. Howard Suber offered an ocean and said, “Swim.”

The Summers Interview

jaron | December 13, 2025

Rachel: I’m calling bullshit on what you just said. Have you ever had a relationship with a minor and are you and Epstein friends? Mr. Summers: Yes.

Autonomous Screws Itself

jaron | December 13, 2025

The Emotional Lifeof Driverless Cars written by jaron summers © 2025 The public has been assured—repeatedly and at great volume—that driverless cars are safer than human drivers. This is undoubtedly true. Humans, after all, have a long and proud tradition of driving while angry, distracted, late, or in possession of a cheeseburger that requires both […]

GOLD-DUST

jaron | December 7, 2025

Gold in the Dust A bedtime story about a writer, a street that leaks gold, and a girl who learns how kindness multiplies. BY JARON SUMMERS When Zara turned twenty-one, she decided she was finally old enough to ask the forbidden question—the one everyone tiptoed past like a sleeping goat: “How come I have a […]

HEARTS & MINDS

jaron | December 1, 2025

Now I mostly supervise. And fart. I live with a human named Sam. Sam’s a good egg. Scratches behind the ears. Keeps my bowl full. Doesn’t complain when I drool on his bootleg mattress. He used to laugh a lot. But then came the day he sold his eyes and his heart. You’re wondering how a man does that.

CREASE OF DOOM

jaron | November 25, 2025

A YouTube “doctor” warns that failing to scrub your inguinal crease—the humble thigh-torso fold—will send you to an early grave. Your 83-year-old hero investigates, discovers only lint and bad science, and ultimately saves his marriage through improved crotch hygiene.

TellBot

jaron | November 24, 2025

Vegas card mechanic, Tony LaMarca, reads the wireless signals from pacemakers and glucose monitors to decode players’ emotions—until an elderly “mark” with a fake implant exposes Tony as part of a federal sting, forcing the “advantage player” into a high-stakes moral showdown.

Buffet of Doom

jaron | November 16, 2025

Buffet of Doom reveals humanity’s greatest talent: starving on a planet that produces more than enough food. As Earth serves a daily all-you-can-eat feast, 8.1 billion picky eaters reject leftovers, fear ugly vegetables, and waste mountains of calories—proving we’re hilariously unqualified to manage abundance.

Air Traffic? Gesundheit!

jaron | November 6, 2025

When one unpaid air traffic controller sneezes, America’s entire aviation system collapses like a soufflé in a wind tunnel. Flights vanish, pigeons unionize, and yoga mats replace runways—all because Bob forgot his Kleenex. Civilization sneezes, then politely grounds itself.

The Fine Art of Ethical Stalking

jaron | November 1, 2025

Government stats say few women stalk. Jaron’s marriage and Volvo say otherwise. From funeral dating to driveway speed bumps, he proves love isn’t blind—it’s just really good at GPS. A survival guide for the romantically pursued.

DIY Doom

jaron | October 5, 2025

When burglars target a paranoid retiree’s condo, they trigger a ludicrous gauntlet of DIY defenses—knife-wielding robots, sarcastic security systems, and a moat of kombucha. Think Home Alone meets Dr. Strangelove. Hysterical. Explosive. HOA-approved (barely). You’ll die laughing—legally.

Puppet Masterpiece

jaron | October 2, 2025

He trusted AI… and it turned him into Hemingway with Wi-Fi. One man, one laptop, and a swarm of invisible puppet strings descending from the Cloud. What could go wrong? (Besides accidental brilliance, mild fame, and the occasional rogue kale order.)

Dial B for Betsy

jaron | September 30, 2025

In a 1950s Canadian prairie town, one woman controls the phone lines—and the town. She’s nosy, psychic, unstoppable. Think “Fargo” meets “Her”… with a party line and pearls.

Copycat

jaron | September 25, 2025

Ditto’s a quirky loner with a grudge, a Xerox machine, and a flair for anonymous threats. When love, money, and tofu collide, he hatches the perfect revenge—until a teenage tech geek complicates everything.

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jaron | September 22, 2025

<h2 style=”color:#ff4500;”>🔥 The Day My Sternum Got Jealous of My Bladder 🔵</h2> <p><em>(By a Man Who Can Finally Pee Like a Fire Hose Again — And Write Cursive in the Snow ❄️✍️)</em></p> <p style=”font-size:18px;”> About seven months ago, I underwent what I now consider to be the <strong style=”color:#008000;”>single greatest medical intervention</strong> this side of […]

Mind? (Asking for a Dead Friend)

jaron | September 22, 2025

This essay explores where our soul might reside — head, gut, or somewhere in the Cloud. It follows the author’s plan to catch souls with a badminton racket, clone bodies, and reinsert spirits via USB. It’s metaphysical, mildly scientific, and completely ridiculous.

The Day I Snapped

jaron | September 19, 2025

L.A. parking meters aren’t broken. They are simply brilliant machines doing exactly what they were built to do: Confuse legally, charge automatically, and grin electronically.

Mark Twain’s chatGPT

jaron | September 14, 2025

A reluctant prophet, a burning bush, and a million skeptics on foot — Moses is the epic tale of law, liberation, and leadership, with divine drama and desert-sized doubt at every turn.

Formaldehyde

jaron | September 13, 2025

A darkly funny memoir about a lovable grifter cousin—who moonlights as a freelance embalmer—crashing a quiet family’s life, racking up phone bills, dodging Mounties, and disappearing in a puff of charm.

Bye Bye American Dream

jaron | September 11, 2025

One carefully placed shot from a rooftop at Utah Valley University ended the life of Charlie Kirk, the conservative firebrand speaker, in front of hundreds of witnesses gathered for one of his signature “Prove Me Wrong” events.

Finger Brain

jaron | September 6, 2025

In a darkly comic exploration of evolution, technology, and thumb-powered hubris, The Finger Brain vs. The Octopus pits humanity’s smartphone addiction against nature’s eight-armed genius. Narrated in Werner Herzog’s existential tone, this short blends satire, science, and surrealism into a viral-ready, animated battle of brains vs. bandwidth.

Surrounded by Idiots—Appointed by Me

jaron | September 1, 2025

An aged Mark Twain, risen from the grave (and grumpier than ever), recounts history’s most arrogant leaders—each undone by their own yes-men. With sardonic charm and barbed wit, Twain serves a darkly comic warning: surround yourself with fools, and you’ll ride straight into ruin—with applause all the way down.

Our Creeping Civil War

jaron | August 28, 2025

In a deeply divided America, neighbors wage war with lawn signs, podcasts, and passive-aggressive potlucks. Slow Motion Civil War is a satirical dramedy where the front lines are Facebook feeds, and the real battle is over who brings the best dip to the HOA meeting. Think Dr. Strangelove meets Nextdoor.

From Popcorn to Panic: Why Horror Hooks the Young

jaron | August 26, 2025

Post brats (young people) aren’t fleeing monsters—they’re buying tickets. Horror delivers safe fear, social bonding, and a dopamine kick. For stressed Gen Z, it’s cheaper than therapy and more fun than yoga. Studios love it too: scaring teens is now Hollywood’s most reliable business plan.

Making a film is like raising a mule

jaron | August 25, 2025

Expensive, stubborn, and guaranteed to embarrass you in public. Critics, meanwhile, scribble their “autobiographies” between popcorn refills, until they try making a film themselves and trip over the camera cable. In the end, filmmakers risk their souls, critics risk their egos—and both usually lose.

The Cartographer’s Folly

jaron | August 21, 2025

Beware the Mapmaker’s Pen … Every line drawn on a map cuts deeper than ink—it severs neighbors, sparks wars, and cages clouds with fences. Once, the earth was whole and free. Now borders bloom like mold, and flags divide what love once united. Maps don’t protect us—they imprison us.

The Overlord of Alberta

jaron | August 16, 2025

When a misfiled fax appoints an ordinary man as “Overlord of Alberta,” chaos ensues: maple-syrup taxes, moose worship, and HOA rebellions collide in a Mark Twain–meets–Monty Python farce. A satirical crown, eccentric allies, and worldwide cameras ensure one thing—this accidental ruler will never rule quietly. Would you like me to polish a star-centric version that pitches them directly (e.g., “The role of a lifetime: the reluctant overlord who discovers absolute power is mostly about pies and moose”)?

THE SLIM JOB

jaron | August 2, 2025

When a wannabe gangster in small-town Alberta falls for an elaborate RCMP sting, he unwittingly confesses to murder while chasing his dream of becoming a made man. The Slim Job is darkly comic, chillingly real, and a uniquely Canadian twist on the true crime genre—with snow, shovels, and Mounties in disguise.

Polite to Death

jaron | July 29, 2025

A rogue scientist hacks his digestive system to produce and weaponize hydrochloric acid, targeting citizens guilty of minor social rudeness. Victims vanish with a sneeze. As a sardonic detective unravels the truth, the city transforms—fear breeding politeness. Polite to Death is a darkly comic thriller where courtesy isn’t optional—it’s survival. Falling Down meets The Fly, with better manners.

Gold-Plated Lies

jaron | July 27, 2025

In a gilded future where robots serve the elite, a poor man named Jeff pilots a human-powered Ultra Robot, secretly fueling a billion-dollar lie. Trapped in luxury tech, he sparks a rebellion from within—one glitch, one song, one truth at a time. Ex Machina meets Parasite—with poop tubes.

Generator plus Kids

jaron | July 23, 2025

toast iNFO TO GO WITH KID SHOT

That Was Harry

jaron | July 23, 2025

Harry was a gentle, witty man who valued family above all. A WWII naval officer turned mining engineer, he traveled the world with his wife and daughters, building homes, battling woodpeckers, and spreading kindness. He quit smoking at 70, joked through life’s trials, and faced death with grace. That was Harry.

I’m Not on God’s AutoPilot

jaron | July 20, 2025

A thoughtful rejection of faith-based motivational clichés, this essay questions predestination, challenges divine micromanagement, and urges respect for diverse beliefs rather than assuming one-size-fits-all theology.

Who Steals the Most

jaron | July 12, 2025

Shoplifters and rogue employees may steal shampoo and twenty-dollar bills, but the real heist happens in boardrooms. This eye-opening exposé reveals how executives at Walmart, Amazon, and even the U.S. Postal Service legally siphon billions—gutting pensions, crushing labor, and cashing out stock—while blaming the little guy. Cufflinks over shoplifters, every time.

Very Fucking Tired

jaron | June 30, 2025

**”Fuck” used to shock, but now it’s just filler—like “very” with tattoos. Overused in bestsellers and daily speech, it’s lost all punch. This essay argues it’s time to retire it (for a while), sharpen our language, and bring back words that actually mean something. Let “fuck” rest. Seriously.**

Shingles, Showers, and Shenanigans

jaron | June 13, 2025

A rogue roofer punches a banana-sized hole during a rainstorm, turning Jaron’s den into a swimming pool. With tar, sarcasm, and power tools, Jaron battles leaks, biblical floods, and incompetent contractors—then threatens to launch the next intruder off the roof. Roofing drama meets divine comedy.

Storage Secrets

jaron | June 1, 2025

Magic storage concept is genius—hilarious, liberating, and oddly therapeutic. For a fraction of the cost, you can “stores” your neighbors’ junk forever, freeing your space and soul. Or how to create a service that understands guilt-based clutter and turns it into gold for you.

Once Upon a Glitch

jaron | May 28, 2025

AI doesn’t think like us—it predicts the next word based on patterns from vast text data. This can create familiar yet surprising results, producing stories that resonate or veer into the absurd, without true understanding or consciousness behind them.

The World-Wide Jewish Conspiracy

jaron | May 26, 2025

I’ve been targeted by the Jewish Conspiracy. It started with free candy from Harry Martin, then snowballed into screenwriting lessons, housing after an earthquake, and lifelong friendships. They claim not to know each other—yeah, right. It’s a plot. Of kindness, brilliance, and bagels. I’m grateful.

Hang On™: The Scam So Good You Paid to Hear It

jaron | May 25, 2025

“The key to fortunes is coming up with a way to keep customers listening to you for up to 30 minutes.”

Confessions of a Seat Upgrade Ninja

jaron | May 22, 2025

Want to fly first class on a coach budget? Bribe with chocolates, wield a cane like Gandalf, fake an anniversary, and act like a retired flight attendant. Toss in charm and frozen water. Boom—luxury travel without the Amex bill.

Smoke Signals vs. Smartphones

jaron | May 21, 2025

Imagine hiking into the backcountry to “disconnect,” only to trip on a rock and dislocate your shoulder and break your leg. No signal. No reception. No help.

According To Familiar People ….

jaron | May 19, 2025

People familiar with hoarding know that containers are not neutral. They are enablers. They’re the enablers’ enablers. They’re the sweet-talking plastic sirens that whisper, “Don’t throw that out. It might be useful. One day. In the apocalypse. For barter.”

Blood and Blanks

jaron | May 11, 2025

A theologian’s daughter dies defending her virtue ….

Danegeld

jaron | May 6, 2025

Danegeld was protection money paid by medieval English kings to Viking raiders, hoping they’d stop attacking — but it only encouraged more invasions and greed.

Fast and Testimony & Other Bad Ideas

jaron | April 27, 2025

A man stranded between regret and rage answers a late knock from two LDS lady missionaries, offering them hymns, hot chocolate — and a one-way descent into his gathering storm.

Coronation: A Century of Almost

jaron | April 25, 2025

Toxic water, stealth bombers, drunk curlers, and dog trainers: Coronation’s secret recipe for 100 years of glorious obscurity.

Howard Hughes — AKA groomer

jaron | April 20, 2025

Broke but grinning, Billy Woodfield bluffs his way into Hollywood’s fast lane, uncovering Howard Hughes’ secret “breakfast date” with teenage Mitzi Gaynor — a stunt so outrageous it lands Billy a midnight meeting with Hughes… and the job of a lifetime.

Time Is a Flat Prune: The Chronological Smackdown

jaron | April 14, 2025

An 83-year-old time-slowing guru battles a hyperactive teen in a cosmic showdown of clocks, studies, and rogue toasters—featuring caffeine, Csikszentmihalyi, and a spinning ceiling sundial. Time bends. Laughter stretches. Toaster speaks.

Preparing for Depression

jaron | April 13, 2025

During the Great Depression, one town had chickens, the other had fur coats—together they clucked and stitched their way to survival. No money, just feathers and fashion. It’s barter meets barnyard in this tale of poultry, pelts, and pure genius.

Billy Woodfield

jaron | April 5, 2025

Billy Woodfield was 325 pounds of Hollywood legend—writer, hustler, and the man behind Sinatra’s best line. He knew everyone, conned Howard Hughes, and once spent a night in a closet with Marilyn Monroe. True story. He never wrote it. I’m writing it now.

Blame It On Baby

jaron | April 3, 2025

Hans and Liesel, a poor but happy couple, make a wish for eternal love. When Liesel mysteriously conceives, fear consumes them. They brand their child a trickster, spreading dread. Rejected, the boy vanishes into the forest, leaving only sorrow in their home.

Billy Goat Jones

jaron | March 31, 2025

I saw him hang by one finger, twist mid-air, and fling himself across a canyon like a steroidal bird. My job? Keep him alive between miracles. I was the brake pedal he never used.

Friendship Forged in Flames

jaron | January 17, 2025

Through ash and flame, they chose to unite, Building a city of hope and light!

Why women are so Powerful

jaron | January 1, 2025

American women rule kitchens, backyards, and life’s “adult playgrounds.” They outlive men, inherit everything, and turn homes into empires. Forget skyscrapers—women hold the cultural foundation with wit, resilience, and perfectly fluffed throw pillows. Game over!

test dec 15 2024

jaron | December 15, 2024

CHARLIE TAGGART WAS A GOOD NAZI. Or so everyone thought. Charlie himself knew that wasn’t true. At sixteen years old, he knew he was not a Nazi like the others, and he would never be a Nazi. But he couldn’t risk not appearing to be one. That would be dangerous. No, on the […]

Taking a bite out of inflation.

jaron | November 27, 2024

The first burger went down easily, as did the second. By the third, his bites were less enthusiastic, his chewing slower. But Max was nothing if not committed. Halfway through the fourth Big Mac, disaster struck. A rogue pickle lodged itself in his throat, cutting off his air supply.

Borderline Bonkers: The Billion-Dollar Quest to Move 20 Million People

jaron | November 7, 2024

Moving 20 million people across the U.S.-Mexico border would cost tens of billions, require extensive logistics, over 100,000 personnel, and several years to complete. Major risks include legal, humanitarian, and economic impacts, as well as potential international fallout, making the plan extremely complex and likely unfeasible.

The Power of Ruthless Leaders

jaron | October 18, 2024

The Power of Ruthless Leaders written by jaron summers (c) 2024 Images, finding typos and some text generated by A.I. In a world defined by chaos where survival is uncertain and the line between life and death is fragile, leadership becomes the cornerstone of stability. In such times, ruthless leaders rise to power, often because […]

Mangroves and Society: A Metaphor for Division and Collapse

jaron | October 9, 2024

The destruction of mangroves mirrors societal collapse as political polarization erodes unity, exposing communities to instability, division, and weakened resilience, like coastlines vulnerable to storms without protective ecosystems.

Security is a Bear

jaron | October 7, 2024

In a world where privacy is a bedtime story, Papa Bear and Mommy Bear’s tech partnership monitors everything—from snack choices to lawn gnomes—turning Baby Bear’s life into a surveillance circus.

The Substance

jaron | September 30, 2024

“The Substance” leaves NOTHING to the imagination, but its subtext reveals brilliance.

A Metaphor for Our Future

jaron | September 15, 2024

Mandrake asked me to explain how the debate went. I took his phone and turned it off. “Hey! I was doing schoolwork,” he fumed. “I have to know what a metaphor is for English tomorrow.”

Peeking at my Prostate

jaron | August 13, 2024

At that point my embarrassed member retracted and disappeared. Even I could not find it.

CITY OF MIRACLES

jaron | August 6, 2024

Miraculous experiences in Paris. From foiling a pickpocket to being saved from a dangerous fall and surviving a tense security incident — the perils and unexpected joys of French travel in the City of Light.

Master the game, Master your life

jaron | May 27, 2024

Agility and speed make them look like they’re executing perfect shots with impeccable timing.

Science VS Religion

jaron | May 20, 2024

The world is in chaos due to the clash between science and religion. If science stops relying on faith while religion embraces some mystery, they can coexist, leading to a balanced and peaceful planet.

illiam’s Resistance: The Fall of Lord Jaron

jaron | May 14, 2024

In a perilous quest, William, guided by the wise wizard TGrump, leads a fellowship of diverse allies to destroy a dark artifact created by the evil lord Jaron, battling deadly foes and resisting corruption to save their world from enslavement.

How We Prepared for the End

jaron | April 10, 2024

My wife and I prepare for World War Three in “The Happy Nest.” Amidst apocalypse fears, we stockpile resources and devise a brilliant survival plan involving chainsaws and a gold-backed currency, demonstrating love and ingenuity in the face of global chaos.

The Cosmic Comedy of Outsmarting Ourselves

jaron | April 7, 2024

In 2021, our AIs, smarter than Uncle Jeb post-corn liquor, danced into a digital ruckus, mixing human bits for secrets. Their ambition? Outshine humanity. The outcome? A cosmic comedy of errors ending in a tech tumble. Moral: Guard your guts; they’re smarter than you think, and AIs agree.

Article 1794

jaron | March 16, 2024

Jaron and Kate are cracking down on fridge felons in their Edmonton House with the legendary Article 1794. Expect scale surveillance, snack spreadsheets, and wake-up calls at unholy hours. Your breakfast cereal is now a matter of national security. Sign the notarized pledge or face the cereal consequences. Harmony and hilarity shall reign supreme!

Verrant

jaron | March 16, 2024

Simulated Hearts

jaron | March 15, 2024

In a world where a scientist believes reality is a computer simulation and their lover sees it as God’s creation, they discover that love transcends the divide, proving that understanding and affection can coexist amidst the universe’s greatest mysteries.

The C-word, Etc.

jaron | March 8, 2024

March 7, 2024 I fret about my ability to understand sex and females. As you know as a former Mormon Missionary I had a challenge with cussing. I hope I’m over my inhibitions. If the C-word or the B-word (Birthtday) or even that numeral after 68 bothers you, then STOP reading.

Daily Doodad Detox

jaron | February 27, 2024

As Mark Twain, I’ve marveled at Clutter Addiction’s tragic comedy: Families drowning in boxes, homes turned labyrinths, and the simple cure—ditch a doodad daily to escape the cardboard jungle and maybe, just maybe, find your tea set again.

Proprioception, your innate GPS

jaron | February 24, 2024

Just as the mighty Mississippi shapes the land through which it flows, so too do our senses shape our interaction with the world, a constant dance of give and take.

Mark my Word

jaron | February 23, 2024

Mark Twain claims that switching back to a typewriter with round keys improved his typing speed and accuracy by 25%. He praises the ergonomic and nostalgic value of round keys, suggesting that advancements in technology could still benefit from the wisdom of past designs.

Swap Meet Serendipity

jaron | February 17, 2024

Mark and Cynthia, scarred by the impersonal battles of digital dating, discover an unexpected and instant connection in the shadow of their guarded cynicism at a rain-threatened swap meet. Say hello to mutual attraction born from a shared understanding of disappointment and the faint hope for something real.

Connecting the Dots

jaron | February 15, 2024

There were incidental glitches with nation defence modules the eve of December 24 when AI directed NORAD to vaporize 4 percent of the world’s population; most of earth remained intact, although Strotium 90 hampered navigation in salt water routes.

The Irony of Predictive Intelligence

jaron | February 13, 2024

In the grand cosmic race of intelligence, we humans, with our splendid array of thoughts and feelings, find ourselves pedaling a bicycle in a Formula One race, blissfully competing against computers.

SkySentinel Avian Solutions

jaron | February 11, 2024

Psst … I can tell you how to make a large fortune by investing in my latest bird-brain idea. Cadaver Parrots. We’ll be flying high and the stock will leap into the stratosphere. I promise you triple your money back if you are not a millionaire by Friday. Call me now!!!

JILL

jaron | February 10, 2024

Mac’s pool hall had no ventilation, but the winds of gossip that would have charmed Dickens. Mac teased me about being a virgin. He knew I was in love with Jill. And so was every other guy in our village. And they were anything but virgins.

Saturday Night COOL

jaron | February 10, 2024

Remember Saturday Night Fever? That was set in Brooklyn and made John Travolata an overnight icon around the world. Before that we had Saturday Night Cool in the small town of Coronation where I grew up. I tore tickets for free popcorn and was allowed to see all the movies there. I decided that someday I would go to Hollywood and become a writer.

God’s Helper

jaron | February 9, 2024

God’s got to understand. And if He doesn’t, well, maybe He’s not the God I thought He was. And don’t even start with me on the idea of God being a woman—that’s a whole different kettle of fish.

What does our Universe Think?

jaron | February 3, 2024

Ah, Watson, consider the notion that our existence may merely be a grand illusion, a simulation of sorts, championed by luminaries such as Musk and Tyson. This theory, reminiscent of Plato and Descartes’ philosophical inquiries, invites us to deduce the fabric of our reality, merging science with philosophy in a most stimulating intellectual pursuit.

The List

jaron | February 1, 2024

People often ask me how to sell scripts in Hollywood. The following websites may help. Two other things count: passion and a smile. By the way, AI made this image in 40 seconds. From nine words I wrote.

Mystical Mare’s Moonlit Meanderings

jaron | January 28, 2024

I asked AI to pick ten stocks based on the notion that the US economy would continue to improve. AI also said: “Investing is like playing leapfrog with unicorns; diversification is your safety net, but remember, each leap is a gamble. And don’t trust past leaps to predict the next; that’s like expecting a cat to fetch just because it did so in a dream you had last Tuesday” And, then AI generated the above image. In 40 seconds.

Getting High at Your Wedding

jaron | January 26, 2024

According to search and rescue teams, many brides have replaced traditional adorable ring bearers, with birds of prey. Wedding guests often bring live mice to feed these raptors.

TIMING

jaron | January 24, 2024

Forty-two minutes into that date, Jill, 32, stopped the smooching and asserted she was an “agrapha rapa.” She explained it was an expression she had concocted to describe her fondness for poetry and dancing. She also said she was a virgin.

Divine Discoverers

jaron | January 17, 2024

Frank, never one to balk at the impossible, proposed a wild idea. “Folks,” he said, “what if we just look at this impending doom through our trusty Webb? Maybe, just maybe, our gaze might steer the course of these cosmic behemoths.

Markus Knew Stuff

jaron | January 13, 2024

Markus had tales of the Canadian North, where he worked near the Arctic Circle. He seemed to know more about Edmonton than a local historian. I felt pretty stupid when he was around. Not that he made me feel stupid. He simply seemed to know stuff.

You and your MD can communicate

jaron | January 11, 2024

Sometimes my doctor and I discuss things but I don’t know all the terms he uses. The other day I said my spleen hurt and pointed to the top of my chest. He had to correct me. So I’m having the first image tattooed on my body. That way I can explain where things hurt.

Secrets of The Rich & Famous

jaron | January 3, 2024

He’s not just any wealthy businessman. He’s a maestro in the art of “customer support.” His billion-dollar secret? Keep desperate customers on hold, even if hours on wait drives them nuts.

Fly Me to the Moon

jaron | January 1, 2024

She smiles behind a touch of too much makeup and her shoes are not sexy now. Polished but functional with one-inch heels. Her hair would be grey if she did not color it and there are lines, not all of them from laughter. She is an old flight attendant and it took all of her energy to get out of bed and pull on her uniform and “welcome” a thousand strangers who do not look at her anymore.

The Foundations of Great Religions: Sex, Eternity, Miracles

jaron | December 29, 2023

Religions are grounded in three core concepts: sex (life’s genesis), eternity (soul’s destiny), and miracles (divine intervention), addressing fundamental human existential queries.

From One Pocket to Another

jaron | December 27, 2023

My wife fell victim to a cunning group of pickpockets who stole her wallet. What followed was a surprising turn of events, thanks to a strategy suggested by our friend Tony Giorgio.

We get old … if we’re lucky but …

jaron | December 27, 2023

written by jaron summers (c) 2023 Old people die. What happens to young people who don’t want to age? They DIE! What happens if you don’t care? You DIE! No one knows when … that’s the fun. As John Wayne, the philosopher and cowboy, once said, “Tomorrow is promised to no one.” And, if he […]

Will she make it to 200?

jaron | December 22, 2023

But somehow we end up kind of celebrating her birthday twice a year.

I wonder how this novel will end up?

jaron | December 21, 2023

As he drove down Main Street Jill undid the wrapping, and both girls squealed with delight. “It’s all the way from Paris,” said Irene. Kort checked his rearview mirror, keeping one eye on Jill. I had an eye on Kort.

People Familar with the Matter

jaron | December 21, 2023

And world news occasionally made the second page. And then the event would have to be awesome. Something like China prepares to nuke our student center.

Investment Secrets

jaron | December 21, 2023

Vehicle repo is a growth industry. A car is stolen nationwide every 30 seconds in America. But one is popped every 20 seconds. That beats playing the stock market.

The world’s first and best computer

jaron | December 19, 2023

Comparing the brain to a computer is a metaphor; they operate on fundamentally different principles and are each suited to different types of tasks.

windows vs cell display

jaron | December 19, 2023

The convenience, accessibility, and widespread adoption of smartphones make them the preferred choice for news consumption for the majority of the global population.

Love is a many Splendored Thing

jaron | December 19, 2023

For sale: Broken back-up camera

jaron | December 19, 2023

We are in the market for a new back-up camera. Please help.

Titanic: A Frugal Director’s Lament

jaron | December 16, 2023

Jim Cameron’s Titanic budget woes got real over DIY Big Macs at McDonald’s. Hollywood’s new ‘budget renegade’ laments his thrifty ways, blaming Canadian roots for his cinematic penny-pinching. He’s dreaming of a second chance to splash the cash in Tinseltown, but wonders if his frugal past is his undoing.

Modern Day MIRACLES

jaron | December 15, 2023

In Salt Lake City stands a famous tabernacle, renowned for its age and unique wooden architecture. This edifice, built in 1884, has attracted millions of visitors. The tabernacle is a marvel to behold, but once upon a time it harbored a peculiar problem, thousands of mischievous mice. The congregation, driven to cussing by the scurrying […]

Divine Bytes: The Intersection of Spirituality and the Digital Age

jaron | December 15, 2023

The digital age has enabled the creation of virtual congregations and religious gatherings, offering a sense of community for individuals unable to attend physical services. Social media platforms have emerged as spaces for interfaith dialogue, fostering connections among people of different belief systems. This evolution is exemplified by digital pilgrimages, which allow individuals to virtually […]

Killer Bees

jaron | December 14, 2023

Tragically, almost none of the producers here wear collars with chains while they are at work.

The crazy times we’re having figuring out how to make friends with AI

jaron | December 13, 2023

It’s like having a friend who’s always got a factoid up their sleeve, never gets your jokes but laughs anyway, and can keep you company without ever arguing about where to have dinner.

Don’t finish my sentences

jaron | December 11, 2023

We don’t want your kind around sticking peanut butter to the roofs of squirrels!

ADJAL — One could make a fortune if you knew when people were going to die. Wanda knows. Her new lover wants in.

jaron | December 10, 2023

How it all started Chapter One Written by jaron summers (c) 2023 I was locking my office just after four on a hot July afternoon when her perfume hit me. Jasmine laced with lime. Only one kind of woman wears that potion — a blonde with curly ringlets like Shirley Temple made famous. I’m not […]

The Age of Confusion

jaron | December 6, 2023

Have you ever asked yourself how far will robots go when they become our masters instead of our slaves? First we will love them. Then we will hate them. And after awhile they will despise us. Have you noticed their fingers are shaped like scalpels?

Beyond the Grave: Exploring Life’s Depths Through ‘Six Feet Under’s’ Cultural Lens

jaron | December 2, 2023

“Delving into ‘Six Feet Under,’ we uncover more than tales of death; it’s a profound exploration of life. This series transcends mere entertainment, offering a unique perspective on living. Its cultural impact is undeniable, inviting us to reflect deeply on the essence and complexities of our existence.”

Exploring the Future: How Advancements in AI and Technology Are Shaping Our World

jaron | December 1, 2023

In this post, we delve into the transformative impact of AI and technology on our lives. We explore cutting-edge advancements, their implications for society, and how they’re forging a dynamic future. Join us as we navigate this exciting era of innovation, where technology reshapes our world in unimaginable ways.

kids making perfume ….

jaron | November 30, 2023

The Perfume Kids Chapter One written by jaron summers (c) 2023 Nosey here, and I’ve got a crazy story to share …. My family often says I’m clever, though I sometimes wonder, particularly when I’m upset with my freckles. You see, my freckles are like a starry galaxy and there’s this amazing dragon-shaped one […]

What Kind of Trouble Is Eric Adams In?

jaron | November 29, 2023

New York City’s mayor has downplayed the federal investigation into his campaign fund-raising, but, by dodging questions and obfuscating, he’s invited even more public scrutiny.

From NY to LA 66.4 cents

jaron | November 14, 2023

NY to LA 66.4 cents

From LA to NY for $2

jaron | November 4, 2023

You don’t need a battery with this amazing electric car.

Pattern wreckognition

jaron | April 14, 2023

Those Mobile Devices you have. You own the universe. They can find almost anything.

Multitasking Nonsense

jaron | April 3, 2023

Mark Twain might have had something to say about the concept of multitasking and the idea of multiple universes.Twain once wrote, “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.” This sentiment could easily be applied to the idea of multitasking. The person who attempts to […]

Covens in California

jaron | January 9, 2023

According to California weather reports a hurricane and a couple of tornados whirl toward us. I say: Bring ’em on baby. We are prepared!

Condo Covens

jaron | January 9, 2023

…. a billion dollar view of the Pacific Ocean

Bel Air Code of Confusion

jaron | November 26, 2022

Cross the BOARD and you end up water BOARDED.

A Shot in the Dark

jaron | September 24, 2022

No worries. Seems that the latest vaccine is probably safe for mice. Didn’t kill any of them. Based on the CFDC six-mouse test, the USA felt safe to begin injecting millions of people with this new vaccine.

Excuse our Dust

jaron | July 14, 2022

Please come back soon Here is What we are Working on: Golden Tide, the novel.

Hello Gen Z

jaron | July 14, 2022

Written by jaron summers (c) 2022 Identifying which generation is poised to be in charge of the world is difficult. Right now it seems to be Generation Z. AKA Gen Z or Zoomers. If you’re a Gen Z then you were born between born 1997-2012. So you could be about 16 years old which happens […]

Nice Lady Helps old people with debt

jaron | April 5, 2022

Listen to the nice lady offer to help me.

→

jaron | January 31, 2022

js bio & links

My favorite cult

jaron | November 30, 2021

Joe Smith — loved Animal Crackers

jaron | November 2, 2021

As far as I know he never spoke of Animal Crackers with her although she indicated her husband was a bit crackers himself.

The Bitch is Back spacing fixed

jaron | October 28, 2021

Three cheers for nanoscience and cryogenics.

How Can I Write a Screenplay in LESS Than TWO HOURS?

jaron | June 6, 2021

It’s easy. Under two hours? That’s 120 minutes, right? So, 119 minutes is less than two hours. Now, think about your movie. Here’s a quick way to stay on track. A likeable character has a worthwhile goal. As she/he moves toward that goal problems develop out of their character. No writing the first week. Thinking. That’s […]

All the other cults….

jaron | May 11, 2021

Quora: As a Mormon, what triggered your deconversion? When I was a young man in New Zealand serving an LDS mission I often fasted and prayed. I knew I belonged to the true church. I regarded all the others as cults. I wrote a novel about my deconversion after I blessed and healed Watty. […]

My Mother, the Criminal

jaron | April 18, 2021

written by jaron summers (c) 2024 Once a person breaks the law, there is no turning back. It can happen at any age. Mother drifted into crime at 92. As far as we could figure out, Nike had been a runaway. The little guy was confused and frightened, but Mother lovingly won him over. She […]

A dog’s best friend? Another dog.

jaron | April 16, 2021

Algunos animales son mucho más inteligentes de lo que piensas. En la década de 1950 vivía en un pueblo de Canadá. Población: 950 personas. Perros callejeros: cuatro o cinco. Un veterinario que hablaba mal inglés alquiló una casa. Convirtió una habitación trasera en su oficina / clínica. Si los niños sin dinero en efectivo tuvieran […]

Wild animals I have met

jaron | April 12, 2021

I grabbed my shotgun ….

Kind Dogs & Kind Vets

jaron | April 11, 2021

Animals are smarter than you think. In the 1950s I lived in a village in Canada. Population: 950 people. Stray dogs: four or five. A veterinarian who spoke broken English rented a house. He turned a back room into his office/clinic. If kids with no cash had a “pet” dog or cat or even a […]

Great Links to Coffee Info

jaron | March 28, 2021

Betty’s Brain Fog

jaron | March 24, 2021

Brain Fog will be the death of me.

Chomp-chomp

jaron | March 10, 2021

A conversation between my mother-in-law and me. Her name is Betty and she’s 99. Jaron: How do you like your new assisted living home? Betty: It’s good. I know you think I can’t keep track of time but I can. I’ve been here for about a month. Jaron: What with the virus and lockdowns, time […]

Quora asked me

jaron | March 10, 2021

The Book of Mormon for free

Time Travel

jaron | March 7, 2021

I think time travel is overrated

Wolf Walker

jaron | February 23, 2021

Now I’m almost as old as Oliver was. Between naps I think of The Royal Crown Hotel lobby and meeting the Norweigan 70 years ago in Coronation — under ice blue skies that made your eyes ache, and outside the first snowfall, so white it would persuade you that the whole universe was pure.

Doug Paul, MD

jaron | February 18, 2021

When I was going to school in Coronation, “uncle” Doug stayed at our home during goose hunting season. He knew and loved Coronation. By the way, Dr. Paul was the guy who put together Alberta Health Care. It was the best in Canada, maybe the world … until the insurance companies got their meathooks into […]

Vomiting Seagulls

jaron | February 18, 2021

I had heard Dad and Mom talking about finding a religion to provide me with some kind of anchor or moral compass. I suppose my parents feared their seven-year-old was headed for a life of crime and deprivation.

SIZZLE

jaron | February 17, 2021

Suicide …. 20 times more than the world’s highest

Mr. Science

jaron | February 16, 2021

My boyfriend is telling me that the Earth is flat, but my friends are telling me that he’s lying. I think the Earth is round, but I’m not sure. Is the Earth round or flat? Mr. Science Answer: Both groups are correct. The earth is both round and flat. Have a look. This is a […]

Insider Tip $$$

jaron | February 7, 2021

watch your investment grow.

One way to look at it.

jaron | January 24, 2021

We Is Records

jaron | January 22, 2021

Wear a mask … don’t be a record before you have to.

Joe and Me

jaron | January 21, 2021

Joe Biden and I have things in common …

Nut Energy

jaron | January 16, 2021

This chap stuck a pin in one of the almonds and said watch. He lit the nut on fire and it burned for several minutes like a tiny torch. My grandfather gave this con artist all his pension money after being promised large returns on a secret process to extract oil from almonds — this oil would be used to power the world. Grampa died shortly after. A busted man.

Childhood memories ….

jaron | January 14, 2021

Dad was a boxer in his younger days. The joke in our family was that he couldn’t pick up a ball bearing without crushing it. Except when he was in your mouth. Super gentle. The town of Coleman was the first place he set up a practice. His first patient was a nervous and […]

Aphrodite & The Rat

jaron | December 25, 2020

she was standing like a Grecian Goddess on our granite counter….

Protected: You Bet Your Life ….

jaron | October 5, 2020

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Medical Emergency

jaron | August 4, 2020

Still shaking in my boots. Yesterday I put on my old shoes to go for a walk. My left foot seemed to be asleep … I realized with horror that I could not lift it from the ground. Left side of the body often means a stroke. I prayed I could get to the phone […]

Iron Monsters & Memories

jaron | July 6, 2020

In the 1950s my mother and I traveled by bus and train to the States to stay with her parents each summer. A few months later my father arrived in Lake Andes, South Dakota to drive us back to our home in Canada. We stopped for root beer floats and foot-long hot dogs and saw […]

My Work

jaron | May 27, 2020

Star Trek-TNG My Work Hart To Hart Mercy Stone God’s Gull

Around Big Island

jaron | January 1, 2020

When we are in Hawaii (The Big Island) Kate likes to drive around it. I always give her instructions before she goes. There are two routes. Both are illustrated here.

FADE IN: MAYA

jaron | August 9, 2019

There are a raft of shibboleths and acronyms you probably know if you’re contemplating writing something that starts with FADE IN: POV, MOS, CU, FADE OUT, INT … some of the many “inside words” that are helpful to know if you’re going to make your mark in Hollywood. Here’s a new one for you: MAYA. […]

Am I a Crook?

jaron | August 6, 2019

I have never embezzled

It’s one on those days ….

jaron | July 31, 2019

No gold in them-thare Hills

jaron | July 30, 2019

Has any official sovereign nation ever ran a Ponzi scheme in an attempt to cover a debt? The United Nations claims there are 206 total states—193 member states, two observer states, and 11 classified as other states. Nearly all of them have their own currencies. Some countries, for example, Ecuador, use American dollars. I know […]

Your Ponzi scheme —

jaron | July 30, 2019

I was horrified to hear that mother might be a hooker.

Snoring Troubles

jaron | July 14, 2019

“illegal nocturnal emissions.”

Chops and Robbers

jaron | July 2, 2019

Chops, a European pig (Spurwildschwein Division), has a nose for narcotics and a passion for police work. He’s been awarded countless medals for sniffing out illegal explosives and saving lives.So what if one of them almost became a football?

Happy Returns Notes

jaron | July 2, 2019

A madcap love story with giggles for taxpayers.

Coffee around the world

jaron | July 1, 2019

wildschwein / Chops

jaron | June 27, 2019

From 1984 to 1987, the police in Lower Saxony had a very special drug and explosive nose: a real wild boar with the name Luise. The 150-kilogram bache quickly became world famous. The clever wild boar lady even entered the Guinness Book of World Records. On 5 July 1984 Luise saw the light of […]

Failed Life – additional notes

jaron | June 3, 2019

Did I like going to BYU. You bet. I never had more fun with my clothes off.

Ever Found Out GOD Watches You?

jaron | May 17, 2019

I discovered girls and the rabbit games moved into more risky territory.

Make a preview for spit; sell a series for zillions —

jaron | May 17, 2019

LIFE SUCKS Two principals and single location. A trailer to trigger action from binge watching netflixers…. Need one older male, play late 70s …. Here’s the short story, a three minute read: http://jaronsummers.com/life-sucks/

Life Sucks

jaron | May 16, 2019

A hundred million is spit when you’re dead.

Dogs and Cats can get along!

jaron | January 2, 2019

Dogs and Cats can get along!

New Year—2019

jaron | January 1, 2019

Is it possible that a two-year old, named Sarah, holds a key to saving our planet?

WM

jaron | October 18, 2018

Thanks for trusting us! Hi, we are Hooper and Kate You can read and listen for FREE to the first chapter of The Whooping Moose. Please click here. The entire graphic novel with over 150 astonished images, special effects and music will be available for 24.99 next week. It comes with a 40 minute hilarious […]

download heaven

jaron | August 5, 2018

Selling Digital Stuff

jaron | August 4, 2018

Half the world population has access to a cell phone. That means you have over 3,000,000,000 customers RIGHT NOW. First you need a website: Then something to sell: Pitch: under 15 seconds: The vamp in vampire. Free download of the kindle version

Danny Thomas Test

jaron | August 1, 2018

It’s real easy to steal.

Delusional Messiah

jaron | July 28, 2018

Luckily Elder Wonder discovered that AND got the girl.

Fold Up Your Life

jaron | July 27, 2018

You can roll it up or fold it like a piece of paper. What a brilliant idea.

Seat Rustler

jaron | July 20, 2018

“So limp over and sit in one, you asshole. You fucking near broke my toe.”

Sorry To Bother You

jaron | July 20, 2018

You end up with Mastercard moments.

BUILDING A CARROT BRIDGE

jaron | July 19, 2018

“And what happens if a herd of hypothetical rabbits shows up?”

TAB HUNTER – HOLLYWOOD LEGEND – RIP

jaron | July 15, 2018

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DCKTZAK/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_0

Dressing for Success

jaron | June 22, 2018

“I want to repair a hole in my jeans.” I showed her my old jeans.

Eskimo Power

jaron | June 17, 2018

Eskimos, along with a few other stone age people, can teach us how to survive our technology. Check out the 1922 American silent documentary film Nanook of the North and you’ll see how the Eskimo or People of the Inuit, subdued the sub-zero temperatures of the Arctic and thrived. That film is almost a hundred years old. […]

Arm Toddlers

jaron | May 19, 2018

The shooters need to know who the future traitors are of America. Smart ass lawyers.

Your car, the Mailbox

jaron | April 25, 2018

Amazon sneaks into your car or truck and hides your order inside your vehicle.

Words & Voices

jaron | April 21, 2018

words and voices for your pleasure and surprise….

Jaron Summers Orders

jaron | April 20, 2018

SMILE

jaron | April 15, 2018

Here’s a photo of a woman I met last week. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23-year-old woman. She is still vibrant and beautiful. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her. An angry lover poured acid in her face. […]

A sinister culture

jaron | April 15, 2018

Here’s a photo of a woman I met. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23 year old woman. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her. A smile makes a difference. If this happened to me I don’t think I could […]

A note from Canada’s Most Evil Landlord

jaron | April 14, 2018

he likes to be entertained…

Hollywood Insider Secret

jaron | March 9, 2018

I gave the executive (who I owe a producing credit to) twenty bucks to convince his boss, a boss in the slammer for cavorting with kids, that my novel would make a terrific film.

Cut cable: Save Bucks

jaron | February 24, 2018

Fly to Wimbledon with the money you save. Link one of your smartphone to a wifi in England.

The Whooping Moose movie —

jaron | February 18, 2018

Want to have your kids learn how to deal with bullies? Have a look at our movie. Click here

Annoyed with Old Flames

jaron | December 10, 2017

Never underestimate the spunk of a mother-in-law who is almost 100.

The Whooping Moose

jaron | November 24, 2017

Confusion over political correctness, vegans, vivisections, bullying and the madness of this millennium, it may be time to consider The Whooping Moose.

An island for my wife ….

jaron | September 7, 2017

For years Kate and I have spent some of our most fun times in Hawaii and New Zealand. I promised Kate that someday I would buy a small island just for her. Today I did. You can come and visit us. You may also want to sublease a part of our island. I bought it […]

If you get drunk three times a year …. anything is possible

jaron | July 23, 2017

THE STORY OF IKEA (I did not write this, someone sent it to me) Tighter than wallpaper… There isn’t any profit sharing here … He lives in a bungalow, flies EasyJet and ‘dries out’ three times a year… the man who founded Ikea and is worth more than $15bn . Self-made man: Ingvar Kamprad with […]

Bathtubs and Bastards

jaron | July 23, 2017

Bathtubs & Bastards Many years ago I dated a lovely single mother who had a five year old boy. Her son enjoyed baths and during these baths the lady would ask her son what he was doing. Often he’d call back and say, “It’s okay, I’m not drinking the bathtub water.” And […]

Wimbledon Silly Rules

jaron | July 5, 2017

Umpires or referees or whatever they call themselves could restrict the number of balls used each day at Wimbledon to 18.

Helping the Unfortunate —

jaron | June 29, 2017

how can people be so cruel?

Keeping Your Cool in LA

jaron | June 29, 2017

Caution — a condenser holds an electric charge. So you need to discharge it. Or you could get a shock.

Correct Use of Floss

jaron | May 31, 2017

I asked the world’s best organizer how he keeps track of all his tasks. “Super simple. I link EACH task to my good self with dental floss. For example, I’m making a milk shake now. I simply tie the milkshake maker to one of my toes and I’m linked-in.” He concluded: “I started our dental floss factory where we make ten different colors of dental floss. Bingo. Ten colors of floss per toe. Ten toes. I can accomplish 100 tasks at the same time.”

Long Friendship Secrets

jaron | May 30, 2017

I keep a journal since it’s fun to see what I did ten or twenty or thirty years ago. When I was a missionary I prayed each day. One day I realized that if there were a god or gods they would have stopped people from creating religions. Any religion. Nothing is as detrimental to […]

It’s Curtains for the FBI

jaron | May 28, 2017

blending in with the curtains

Advice From A Billionaire

jaron | May 28, 2017

Ten minutes, once gone, are gone for good.

Roger Moore and I were both Saints

jaron | May 26, 2017

Roger Moore and I were both Saints

Pixel Fucking

jaron | April 23, 2017

How about—you write your script, press enter and with the help of AI and digital skulduggery—you create a masterpiece.

Here, have a BLAST!

jaron | April 15, 2017

This goof wants to build an ICBM with a nuke in it and aim it at us. https://goo.gl/iuIftg The problem is that he needs a miniaturized nuke. So with the help of the CIA I could sell him a tiny “nuke.” It would have four dials on its face. A GO button, then three destinations: […]

We cancelled your frequent flier package since you’re dead….

jaron | April 13, 2017

No one could have anticipated that Clause 23 would be required

You started it; you stand under it….

jaron | April 9, 2017

Idea: Everyone in government gets the same health care as their constituents. Better Idea: During a nuclear exchange, the authorities have to give up their underground bunkers for kids in kindergarten.

How to do great in Real Estate

jaron | April 8, 2017

I am sending Rex to Russia to conclude my latest deal. I just sold Putin and his pals some worthless land we bought from them in 1867. I doubled our original purchase price. This is a TERRIFIC DEAL. DT

Immigration Can Save the world

jaron | April 8, 2017

Suppose you live next door to a jerk. And suppose the jerk though you were a jerk. And suppose you were both right. You bickered and swore to burn each other’s house to the ground. And you would have, except your daughter fell in love with the jerk’s son. And miracle of miracles they had […]

A plea to a “savage” tribe

jaron | April 6, 2017

I will also teach you how to write screenplays that we can sell to the major studios.

Try Laughter

jaron | March 13, 2017

Our ear ringing lessens, then miracle of miracle, stops. Laughter – best medicine!

EGG FU FUN

Dr. Con S. Erve, Canada’s leading anthropologist, first achieved notoriety for his studies of the Wo-Wo Tribe. The Wo-Wo tribe was composed of 2,724 aboriginals who worshiped at a sacred “Ocean Beach” in northern Alberta. No one knew that landlocked Alberta

Hang Ups

jaron | April 14, 2015

Claude Cramp teaches an intensive course in urban driving skills to rich bitches. Jaron: As a former employee of the Department of Motor Vehicles, do you enjoy your job? Mr. Cramp: I love it. I specialize in helping the rich hone their driving skills.

The Ever-Vigilant Roof Monitor

jaron | April 14, 2015

Dear Ms. Bendhard, Let us set the record straight. I have never entered your condo illegally. As you know, I have a number of listening devices, including a stethoscope that I use to locate running water. Wayward water and wayward vixens are my concern!

It took four men to carry it down our basement. My father plugged in our new freezer and opened the cavernous contraption. “I’ve heard,” said Dad, “that kids have gotten into things like this, closed the lid and perished.”

Arrow Pounder

jaron | March 8, 2014

If you’re thinking of writing a screenplay or worse, carving out a career as a full-time screenwriter, you’re going to need an arrow pounder. Never heard “arrow pounder” amid such notions as “plot points” and “character arcs,” have you? Trust me every screenwriter needs an arrow pounder.