Misunderstanding

Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted to a possible faux pas in his dealings with women prior to winning the governorship in The Golden State of California. “My sin, if you could call it that, is in the past, I categorized women. I am very sorry for that. No group of people should be grouped together without...

Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted to a possible faux pas in his dealings with women prior to winning the governorship in the Golden State of California.

“My sin, if you could call it that, is in the past, I categorized women. I am very sorry for that. No group of people should be grouped together without understanding each member on an individual basis.”

“I want to apologize to all the fine citizens of California, my family and supporters, for grouping women into one large category. In other words, for grouping. I did this because of my background and the fact that sometimes my English language skills are not up to speed.”

The recent brouhaha started when Attorney General Bill Lockyer advised Schwarzenegger that the new governor-elect’s misconduct allegations “are not going to go away” and he should cooperate with an independent investigation.

“The Attorney General is a Democrat and, as such, a damn fool. All Democrats are pretty much damn fools except of course for my wife and her immediate family,” said Schwarzenegger. “Yes, I admit to grouping women but that’s over now. I’ve turned over a new leaf. I will judge women as individuals not as members of any group.”

Rumors abound that Gov. elect Arnold Schwarzenegger has hired a private investigator to look into allegations that he groped women. When asked about this, Mr. Schwarzenegger said that the private investigator misunderstood him. “What I asked the dick to do was to check out the rumors about my grouping women, not groping them.”

Asked if he had ever groped women, the governor-elect asked if that meant in groups or on a one-on-one basis.

He said that education is the key to the future of California. “Grouping, groping — who can tell the difference in something as stupid as the English language?”

For this reason, he said, legislation will be enacted shortly to make bilingualism the law in the Golden State.

“When I’m done, everyone is going to speak either Spanish or German,” explained the new governor, groping for words.

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Jaron Summers wrote dozens of primetime television and radio programs, including those for HBO, CBS, ACCESS TV and CBC. He conceived the TV and Film Institute of Canada. Funded by the University of Alberta and ITV, Jaron ran the Institute for 12 years, donating his services for a decade.

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