Futur — Sound Like Hooter

Cloning is close to the ultimate act of egotism. So is making love to yourself. They could have dire consequences when they collide. Hans Moravec is his book, "Mind Children" says we will soon copy our minds and inject those minds into a clone or even a computer.

Cloning is close to the ultimate act of egotism. So is making love to yourself. They could have dire consequences when they collide.


Hans Moravec is his book, “Mind Children,” says we will soon copy our minds and inject those minds into a clone or even a computer. (We could have a bunch of Jarons running around if someone accidentally leaned on the copy button.)

As we learn about the mind, we also learn how to pleasure the mind. This leads to terrific cybersex.

As you read this, scientists and pornographers are working assiduously to perfect gadgets that combine virtual reality, artificial intelligence and K-Y jelly to create things you can plug yourself into that will trick your mind and body into believing you are making love with Pamela Anderson or Brad Pitt.

Or both. Your ultimate fantasy can be anything you clone in your mind.

The danger is that these virtual reality devices will be so darn pleasant that we will stagnate as we self pollinate. I phoned Hans Moravec and he claims that when civilizations get adept at cybersex they stop doing anything. Especially traveling in space. That is why we have not heard from anyone. All the aliens are busy exploring their sexual fantasies instead of outer space.

Soon, using advance science on earth, we could reach a point where we’ll enjoy one cosmic orgasm after another until we starve to death hooked up to a — a what? Things are evolving so quickly we don’t even have a name for that gadget.

Sony and GE tell us that our computers, telephones and TVs will morph into a single gadget. This will control much of our thoughts and deeds.

It will be the ultimate communications tool. And since sex is the ultimate form of communication, we’ll use this gadget for satisfying our wildest fantasies. It will be far more addictive than the most seductive drug.

But what is the gadget called? Using my massive brain I have hatched a name. I call it a Futur (rhymes with computer) — Futur sounds like the future which it represents. The first part of Futur sounds like phone. The middle has a T, standing for telephone. The “ur” ending of Futur is short for URL (Universal Resource Locator), an acronym for web sites.

My web site is:

http:// www.Jaronsummers.com.

(My name is Jaron Blair Summers. When I went looking for a web site I thought I’d try to for www.jaron.com but someone in China beat me to it. So it was either JBSummers or JaronBS. JaronBS is shorter.)

Getting back to Futur. Besides incorporating a URL, a telephone, a computer, text messaging, satellite links, web surfing, Tasering and a projection TV, Futur suggests cybersex. After all, we all know what (wink) FU stands for. And besides rhyming with computer, Futur also rhymes with hooter. How much sexier can you get than that? Unless you are a woman and then you are looking for a cuter babe. Futur also rhymes with cuter.

I can hear a guy talking to a gal. “Hey, Sally, want me to Futur you tonight?”

“Cool, Charlie, would ya? I got the latest 5-D animated software for merging our libidos and I, like, could Futur you forever or, like, until we got married.”

Futur. What a dynamite word that I have just inflicted on you.

Consider how tragic it would be if I could clone more Jarons as easily as I hatch words. Oh, my.

P.S. — by the way, you’ll notice that in the third line of this story “Mind Children” is a hyperlink, so if you want to buy the book simply click on that name, while online, and you can order it from Amazon.com.

Heck, you can even read the first chapter of a novel I wrote and buy the rest of it online. Just click Safety Catch. It’s a thriller about a computer sleuth and, you guessed it, sex.

P.P.S. — a friend, Lucas (www.lucasworks.com), came up with this art work for a futur. He added one aspect to the futur — you can also use it to shave with. Could happen.

We are almost at the time when a cell phone will translate one language to another instantly — you can call anyone in the world and maybe end up with a date.

Or a restraining order….

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Jaron Summers wrote dozens of primetime television and radio programs, including those for HBO, CBS, ACCESS TV and CBC. He conceived the TV and Film Institute of Canada. Funded by the University of Alberta and ITV, Jaron ran the Institute for 12 years, donating his services for a decade.

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