Occasionally, when scammers play games with me, I see how far I can go with them.

As readers know, my wife and I have a home in Canada. We rent rooms in it, mostly to students of the University of Alberta.

Occasionally, when scammers play games with me, I see how far I can go with them.

Here is a recent exchange.

My question is ─ do you think this silly twit has given up?


Terrific Room For Rent near University


Hello,good day to you,how are you doing?i saw the room ad and i just want to know if the room is still available for rent.get back to me as soon as possible.



Hi Tracy,

Yes, the room is available.



Hello,thank’s for the reply,I am Tracy and I am 24 years old female,I live in london,England

I will like to make little enquiries about the much am i supposed to pay monthly including utilities,also i will like to have full picture of the room or better still a full description of the room.I hope you dont mind renting out the room to a foreign occupant bacause I am relocating.get back to me as soon as you can to let me know your mind..thanks hope to read from you soon.




The room is $1103.00 a week. It’s very nice. Please send my photos of yourself. No porno!!!! I have to get permission from my mother to let people stay in the house ever since I got the inheritance on 30th Birthday. Do not write to Mummy. I have my own bank account. I want to help you. Do you like parrots? I have six. We are not allowed to tease them.



Hello,I really appreciate your reply and i think the price is ok with name is Tracy Carlie.I am 24 years old,

I was born in germany and my both parents are in germany at the moment.

I just finished my uni here in london metropolitan and now i am coming to start a new life in canada and face some new challenges.

i do have an uncle who has lived and work in canada for over 19 years but he is in barbados at the moment on official assignment.i intend to work and get a uni later on to do my masters since i have my permit.

canada has always been a dream country to me and now i think i am faced with the realities. am a neat person and i will appreciate living with a neat person as well.i am fun loving person and quiet.can you tell me more about yourself.

what your name is?your age?what you do for a living?moreso i will also like to know if the room is furnished or not and maybe you dont mind telling what i need to bring along with me that will be needed in the room?

will you be living in the house?i will upload some pictures of me later on in the day,thanks and get back to me as soon as you can because i will be moving in by 25th of April



Hi-ho Tracy,

Fine to hear from you. I appreciate you. As I TOLD YOU the room which is furnished is $1103.00 a week. I think I need three month in advance. Since it’s a REALLY expensive house, I also need a deposit of $5,000.00 I am not sure what the two add up to because my mother (she’s a real witch) won’t let me use her calculator.

Here is a photo of the room:


It was my room in the old wing of our house.

But I have full signing authority at the bank since Daddy left me most of the estate. Boy, was Mummy mad!!! She says I have to learn to be a business man like Daddy. Daddy owned hotel rooms so I am going to start out renting rooms that I own. Ha-ha on mother.

It is funny you mention the Barbados. Daddy took me there on his yacht boat. He also took Gloria as my nurse. Although I don’t need a nurse now. Daddy and Gloria loved to swim in the ocean. All she wore was green flippers. I tried to cover up her private parts with a table tennis paddle but Daddy said that was wrong. He said he knocked me out for my own good. Daddy drank too much. I miss him.

When we were staying in the Barbados I met a really nice older man. And here is the funny part. This man had almost the same last name as you. Carly. Maybe that is your uncle’s name. I liked him but daddy said it was not right for a fellow my age (28) to accept the pajamas from Carly. The pajamas were soft and Carly helped me pull them on and off. I miss him. The only thing I didn’t like about him was that he only had one ear. You could only talk to him on one side of his body.

You ask what I do. I am retired. That is what our lawyer, Mr. Grindley, said to the police.

But I want to fly planes. And then buy some hotel. We should all contribute to the good of the planet. I don’t eat dolphins. Do you know anyone who could get me a job on a 747 jumbo jet? I like the hump at the top because you have a better view.

Please don’t tell Mummy we are writing to each other. She does not understand.

And please send me your photo. The only thing you need to bring is your stuff and if you want … some (hint-hint) green flippers. We can play in the new pool.

Your newest and best friend,


ps — you don’t eat dolphins, do you. They can talk to each other under water but are REALLY hard to understand.


Hello,thanks so much for the reply,I will let my uncle know that I have found a room though he has just been transfered to barbados,he used to live in canada himself he went on official Assignment,He is the one that brought up the idea that doing my masters program in canada will be a good idea,i would love to be believe he is right about that decission?,he is the one that will be funding my trip to canada and take full responsiblity of my rent for the first few months till i get settled with my new job and challenges.

i will email you as soon as i get a response back from him i will surely upload some new pictures of me for you,also can you tell me some few things about you?do you do drugs?do you smoke?do you drink?do you have any allergies? and get back to me as soon as you can.and one more thing is that would you be able to come pick me up from the airport?.

thanks once again and stay blessed.


Hi-ho Tracy,

I will pick you up at the airport !!!! Yes. Send me a photo so I will know what to look for. Okay? Okay! But when are you coming??? ANSWER NOW !!!! Please.

You are lucky to have a rich uncle. Me? I really miss my father. But when I think of the money he left me, well, then I feel a little better.

I do not do NO drugs. Other than the ones that the doctor gives me to control what the authorities (what do they know?) said was psychotic behavior. The pills are brown and look like tiny stop signs.

I do not smoke. I tried it once but then the man from the fire department said it was my fault that the next door nursery burned up. I don’t like toddlers much. Lucky Mummy and Daddy had a good lawyer. That fireman doesn’t have a job any more. Ha. Ha. Double-Ha.

I have the calculator and you need to give me some money before you move in, okay? Let’s round off what you owe to $1200 a week. Times 12 is equal to $7200. Plus deposit is $12,200. Everything is included. You can even help yourself to some food from my fridge in the other end of the house (my section). Do you like cumquats? My favorite with Cool-whip. The money is non negotiable.


You want to know what I am allergic too? People who pretend to be my friends for their own evil means. I hope you are a Christian. Double hope.

Your super good NEWEST friend,


ps — do you want to see my new grown up room? I REALLY like vampire and werewolf movies. AHHHHHH! and HOOOOWL. Giggle!


PS — WHEN ARE YOU ARRIVING?????? Also, do you know what a clitoris is? Is that how you spell it? I think it’s part of the top of a girl’s leg.

PS — if you don’t have all of the money, that is okay. You can move in now with a lower deposit. Only $15 thru paypal. I have a paypal account.


Hello,good day to you,I am impressed with everything at the moment and so delighted that I am dealing with someone who is understanding and honest like you, my uncle who is making the payment insist that i make a deposit payment so I will not get stalked in canada,i will like to make a deposit payment for the room to stand as an assurance and confirmation that i will surely be moving in on the said date,I will like you to take off the ad on the site,that will prevent other people from making inquiries about the room.

so kindly provide me with your full names and address of where to mail the certified check for the deposit payment to asap so that the payment could be mailed out to you immediately.



Hi Ho Tracy,

Why did you take so long to answer? I waited all day. An I GLAD to hear from you. I had to take three long hot baths.

I have been praying and I received a message in my head. Jesus wants us to be together. I will meet your plane. (I have a yellow parrot for you. Do you want two?) Anyway I will drive you back to my house in my new BMW. Can you come on Monday at noon? Then when you get here you can put the money in the bank that is only two blocks from our home. I will drive you there and then take you to a cafe that has great chocolate pudding.

Now I have to go to sleep. This little man is really tired.


Ha, just kidding I’m FULLY AWAKE! It was a joke. Are you laughing? I’m laughing.

Send me a photo of you so I can spot you when you come through the door at the airport. I will be \wearing a white suit and large yellow shoes with curled up toes. Like the pope has. I will have a drum. The better to beat you with. Haha. Another joke.



ps — tell your uncle that I don’t need him to send money. Tell him I trust you. If he argues tell him to go f**k himself. Sorry to use rude language but Jesus said it was okay in this case. I still think your uncle might know me from when I went sailing with Daddy. DO NOT LET YOUR UNCLE RUIN THIS. Last warning.


Hello,my uncle has insisted that I make the deposit payment before I move out of london,so pls I need your full names and address so that he could mail out the payment as soon as he can so it could be deliver before my move in date.


DearEST Tracy,

We cannot let your evil uncle dictate what we do together!!!! Give me his phone number now and I will call him up and straighten him out. He may also be the man who removeD (repeatedly) my clothing when we were on Daddy’s yacht. Does your uncle have teeth?????? the man who took off my clothes had a very soft mouth. I suspect rubber dentures.

You INFORM your STUPID uncle I have read many books on KARATE. I will bash him mighty good. We don’t need his money for our happiness. I have way more $$$$$$$$$$$ than he does. I promise !!!!

It is time someone dealt with him. HE IS DESTROYING OUR LIVES.

Eternally yours,


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Jaron Summers wrote dozens of primetime television and radio programs, including those for HBO, CBS, ACCESS TV and CBC. He conceived the TV and Film Institute of Canada. Funded by the University of Alberta and ITV, Jaron ran the Institute for 12 years, donating his services for a decade.

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