Jack’s Back

Jack, the Mad Russian, is dead. Shot between the eyes. Suicide say the police. (See my last column.) His brand new Lexus X5 SUV towers over a Porsche Carrera-4. Their combined value could hit two hundred thousand. After the police smashed down the Mad

Jack, the Mad Russian, is dead. Shot between the eyes. Suicide say the police. (See my last column.)

His brand new Lexus X5 SUV towers over a Porsche Carrera-4. Their combined value could hit two hundred thousand.

After the police smashed down the Mad Russian’s door, they nailed it shut and placed a sign on it warning that no one could enter the place. Then on December 16th we noticed that the nails had been pulled out and there was a new seal from the public administrator.

The wind blew the door open. I suggested to Bob, our manager, that we have a locksmith install a dead bolt on the door to protect the goods of the dead Mad Russian.

Protect from what or whom you might ask.

Eventually, the state will arrive and take everything since no one seems to be stepping up as next of kin.

Everything will be auctioned and the money will be taken by the state. I suspect that the gold watch, in its journey from the mad Russian’s condo to the auction, will change to a $12 Timex.

Who is to protest? Certainly, not Jack, the Mad Russian.

I talked to a city prosecutor about this matter. He said that without a crime being reported, the police who are overburdened with murder and mayhem would have no reason to investigate it. The police declared Jack’s death a suicide within hours of finding his body. The prosecutor told me that if you die in Los Angeles and it looks like suicide then the police will usually call it that unless you’re greatly loved. Jack was not greatly loved.

I was tempted to take his watch. Just slip it in my pocket and perhaps be five or ten thousand dollars richer.

I would be stealing from the state. So what? The state steals from me with ever escalating taxes. Further, the agents from the state who yanked the nails from Jack’s door, left the place wide open. They put not a single nail back in place. The locks were busted beyond repair. The state officials set Jack’s place up for a robbery.

Am I being cynical or could it be that down the line when things turn up missing the people from the Public Administrator’s Office will have a perfect alibi. “Oh, Jack’s place? Maybe there is a gold watch and jewelry missing. But the place was wide open for weeks…”

Anyway, we hired a locksmith and closed up Jack’s condo as tight as a well, coffin.

Newsflash! Someone broke into the Mad Russian’s condo, snatched his key to his Carrera-4 and stole it. The BMW remains.

A new rumor sweeps the condo. The Mad Russian is not dead. A thug went there to kill him, the Mad Russian killed the thug and left the bad guy’s body for the police. Now the Mad Russian is returning to his condo to steal all of his stuff back. Of course he started with his most expensive toy:  his car.

Who knows what is going on?

There is good news. We have an extra parking space in the building.

-30-

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Jaron Summers wrote dozens of primetime television and radio programs, including those for HBO, CBS, ACCESS TV and CBC. He conceived the TV and Film Institute of Canada. Funded by the University of Alberta and ITV, Jaron ran the Institute for 12 years, donating his services for a decade.

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