The cellular phone or cell is the world’s most successful sex prop.
Body language is what counts in the mating game and extreme posturing is what the cell encourages.
You’ve seen the TV ads.
Astonished nerd assumes beautiful woman with sexy hello is hitting on him at next table.
Turns out Miss Hottie is talking to her lover on her cell, featuring its color-coordinated faceplates.
Ask yourself this — if you’re a female, would you dare wave your manicured hands about, flip your hair, and thrust your chest at strange predatory males?
Probably not. Unless you were smashed or talking on a cell. Your cell enables you to strut intimately in public.
The cell creates exhibitionists.
After all, you’re not showing off your body, you’re talking to a dear friend out of state. Yeah. Right.
In today’s fast track world, the female often only has one chance to make an indelible impact on a male. The trick is to score, without seeming to do it. Be subtle. No good girl likes to come across as a slut.
The Ms. whispering into her Motorola may seem to be confiding how lonely she is to an unseen sorority sister as she brushes past Cute Guy in 501 jeans manufactured in the 1800s.
Ms. is so consumed with her call, she’s like totally unaware that her bouncing mammie-jammies telegraph an invitation to her target. (And if you believe that, I have lots of Madoff stock I can sell you.)
Guys are just as guilty of cell connivery. The cell is their perfect power guy tool. “Jake, take the two hundred thou’ and let it ride on those debentures.” This works well in an elevator or bar. And now that you can pay bills with a cell phone — what better way to impress your date than charge a new Jag with your cell?
The cell is the weapon of choice for the Alpha Wolf. “Dope, get my Ferrari running or I’ll break you.” Imagination makes any stud an acoustic activist.
Guys strap their cell phones in tiny holsters to their belts. Yippee yi-yo! Welcome to the Wild West where real men pack iron.
Cell phones allow you to zap your number to anyone else with a cell and engage that person in a game as you stroll past him or her.
And, of course, once you hook up with Ms. Right or Mr. Powerful, cells (with built in GPS) allow you to track your potential mate anywhere on earth. What a gadget for the dedicated stalker.
And porno? It’s endless. Take your own with your cell phone anyplace. There are websites where guys can post clips of women’s privates that they snap by sticking their phone up the poor gals’ skirts. It’s getting so you dare not wear a dress in public.
AT&T marketers saw the future when they suggested customers “reach out and touch somebody.”
The slogan makers weren’t talking about talking.
It’s almost an art form.
