Nut Energy

My Dear Friends,

About a hundred years ago my grandfather fought in World War I — my cousin, Ken Summers, found the following.  (The military keeps pretty good records.)

Hit control ++ to magnify his medical record. It says Grampa was sent home to die. 

You can also magnify his widow’s pension below.  Not much for a man’s life: $322.  That’s not for a month, that’s for an entire life.

Several MDs I talked to said that with a wound like Gramps had that the surgeons would have removed the shrapnel. No.  Grampa —  who I never met —  ended up with  lead in him and a tiny pension.  

John & Mercy Summers

He decided to take it in a lump sum, a one-time payment of around $300 while he was still alive.

What is not recorded in any documents is that as soon as he received the settlement one of our  shirt-tail relatives visited him with a sack of —  of all things —  almonds.

This chap stuck a pin in one of the almonds and said watch.  

He lit the nut on fire and it burned for several minutes like a tiny torch.  

My grandfather gave this asshole all his pension money after being promised large returns on a secret process to extract oil from almonds —  this oil would be used to power the world.  

Grampa died shortly after.  A busted man.

Near the end of his life my dad lost all of his tiny fortune betting on horses.  Sometimes when we were at a bar he would amuse himself by setting various beer nuts aflame.

He carried a small hat pin in his wallet for this purpose.

His first social security check was $62. He shot himself prior to the second check because he did not want to be a pauper.

I worried I might end up the same way so I invested prudentially in IRAs for Kate and me.

Many of those stocks are still being traded for a few pennies on the dollar.

We still have a little cash left so I have decided to start an almond farm but I find myself a bit short so perhaps you could see your way clear to helping me — and in the process become wealthy beyond your dreams.

You see, my dear friend, I have recently uncovered a sensational method to extract oil from almonds.  

It could save the world.