This Little Piggy

CNN: Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks and a senior operative in Osama bin Laden's al-Qaida network, was captured Saturday in a joint raid by CIA and Pakistani agents.

CNN:  Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks and a senior operative in Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaida network, was captured Saturday in a joint raid by CIA and Pakistani agents.

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Following is an interview between Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and a CIA high-level operative, called Joe.

Joe:  Hi, Khalid. Sorry about having to put you to sleep for a while. How’re you feeling? A bit groggy I suspect.

Khalid:  You have no right to hold me secretly like this.

Joe:  There are a couple of questions we need to ask. You were the brains behind the 9-11 attack that killed 3,000 Americans, right?

Khalid:  They were pigs. I demand that you give me a lawyer.

Joe:  All in good time. We know you funded and organized the 9-11 attack.

Khalid:  I don’t recall.  I demand that you let me contact the ACLU right now.

Joe:  All in due course. Could you tell us where Osama bin Laden is?

Khalid:  Go screw yourself, you dirty pig.

Joe:  I could never tell you to screw yourself.

Khalid:  You lying swine!

Joe: No, I’m telling you the truth. While you were sleeping we removed your penis and testicles.

Khalid:  You lying swine!

Joe:  Have a look.  See? You can’t screw anything.

KhalidAhhhiii!  By the soul of Mohammed, you took my legs too. And, what have you done with my arms?

Joe:  Don’t worry, Khalid, we have all your body parts over in those jars across the room. If you feel like talking to us, we’ll put you back together.

Khalid:  I’ll tell you everything you want to know.

Joe:  Wonderful. Our medical team is superb at reconnecting people. There is just one small problem.

Khalid:  What?

Joe:  We’re operating under battlefield conditions and we only have one kind of surgical thread to sew you back up. It’s made from pig gut.

Khalid:  I’d end up part pig if the operation is a success?

Joe:  Yes, even after you come clean you’re going to end up unclean. That’s a little CIA humor, Khalid.

Khalid:  I don’t know what else could go wrong in my life.

Joe:  We’re going to turn you over to the authorities in Kuwait when we’re finished with you.

Khalid:  Why?

Joe:  The Kuwaitis believe in torture.  We don’t.

☺☺☺☺☺☺☺

Here’s how you torture:

But here is how you really get the info:

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Jaron Summers wrote dozens of primetime television and radio programs, including those for HBO, CBS, ACCESS TV and CBC. He conceived the TV and Film Institute of Canada. Funded by the University of Alberta and ITV, Jaron ran the Institute for 12 years, donating his services for a decade.

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