This Little Piggy

CNN:  Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the suspected mastermind of the Sept. 11 attacks and a senior operative in Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaida network, was captured Saturday in a joint raid by CIA and Pakistani agents.



Following is an interview between Khalid Shaikh Mohammed and a CIA high-level operative, called Joe.

Joe:  Hi, Khalid. Sorry about having to put you to sleep for a while. How’re you feeling? A bit groggy I suspect.

Khalid:  You have no right to hold me secretly like this.

Joe:  There are a couple of questions we need to ask. You were the brains behind the 9-11 attack that killed 3,000 Americans, right?

Khalid:  They were pigs. I demand that you give me a lawyer.

Joe:  All in good time. We know you funded and organized the 9-11 attack.

Khalid:  I don’t recall.  I demand that you let me contact the ACLU right now.

Joe:  All in due course. Could you tell us where Osama bin Laden is?

Khalid:  Go screw yourself, you dirty pig.

Joe:  I could never tell you to screw yourself.

Khalid:  You lying swine!

Joe: No, I’m telling you the truth. While you were sleeping we removed your penis and testicles.

Khalid:  You lying swine!

Joe:  Have a look.  See? You can’t screw anything.

KhalidAhhhiii!  By the soul of Mohammed, you took my legs too. And, what have you done with my arms?

Joe:  Don’t worry, Khalid, we have all your body parts over in those jars across the room. If you feel like talking to us, we’ll put you back together.

Khalid:  I’ll tell you everything you want to know.

Joe:  Wonderful. Our medical team is superb at reconnecting people. There is just one small problem.

Khalid:  What?

Joe:  We’re operating under battlefield conditions and we only have one kind of surgical thread to sew you back up. It’s made from pig gut.

Khalid:  I’d end up part pig if the operation is a success?

Joe:  Yes, even after you come clean you’re going to end up unclean. That’s a little CIA humor, Khalid.

Khalid:  I don’t know what else could go wrong in my life.

Joe:  We’re going to turn you over to the authorities in Kuwait when we’re finished with you.

Khalid:  Why?

Joe:  The Kuwaitis believe in torture.  We don’t.


Here’s how you torture:

But here is how you really get the info:

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