In a perilous quest, William, guided by the wise wizard TGrump, leads a fellowship of diverse allies to destroy a dark artifact created by the evil lord Jaron, battling deadly foes and resisting corruption to save their world from enslavement.
My wife and I prepare for World War Three in “The Happy Nest.” Amidst apocalypse fears, we stockpile resources and devise a brilliant survival plan involving chainsaws and a gold-backed currency, demonstrating love and ingenuity in the face of global chaos.
In 2021, our AIs, smarter than Uncle Jeb post-corn liquor, danced into a digital ruckus, mixing human bits for secrets. Their ambition? Outshine humanity. The outcome? A cosmic comedy of errors ending in a tech tumble. Moral: Guard your guts; they’re smarter than you think, and AIs agree.
Jaron and Kate are cracking down on fridge felons in their Edmonton House with the legendary Article 1794. Expect scale surveillance, snack spreadsheets, and wake-up calls at unholy hours. Your breakfast cereal is now a matter of national security. Sign the notarized pledge or face the cereal consequences. Harmony and hilarity shall reign supreme!
In a world where a scientist believes reality is a computer simulation and their lover sees it as God’s creation, they discover that love transcends the divide, proving that understanding and affection can coexist amidst the universe’s greatest mysteries.
March 7, 2024 I fret about my ability to understand sex and females. As you know as a former Mormon Missionary I had a challenge with cussing. I hope I’m over my inhibitions. If the C-word or the B-word (Birthtday) or even that numeral after 68 bothers you, then STOP reading.
As Mark Twain, I’ve marveled at Clutter Addiction’s tragic comedy: Families drowning in boxes, homes turned labyrinths, and the simple cure—ditch a doodad daily to escape the cardboard jungle and maybe, just maybe, find your tea set again.
Just as the mighty Mississippi shapes the land through which it flows, so too do our senses shape our interaction with the world, a constant dance of give and take.
Mark Twain claims that switching back to a typewriter with round keys improved his typing speed and accuracy by 25%. He praises the ergonomic and nostalgic value of round keys, suggesting that advancements in technology could still benefit from the wisdom of past designs.
Mark and Cynthia, scarred by the impersonal battles of digital dating, discover an unexpected and instant connection in the shadow of their guarded cynicism at a rain-threatened swap meet. Say hello to mutual attraction born from a shared understanding of disappointment and the faint hope for something real.
There were incidental glitches with nation defence modules the eve of December 24 when AI directed NORAD to vaporize 4 percent of the world’s population; most of earth remained intact, although Strotium 90 hampered navigation in salt water routes.
In the grand cosmic race of intelligence, we humans, with our splendid array of thoughts and feelings, find ourselves pedaling a bicycle in a Formula One race, blissfully competing against computers.
Psst … I can tell you how to make a large fortune by investing in my latest bird-brain idea. Cadaver Parrots. We’ll be flying high and the stock will leap into the stratosphere. I promise you triple your money back if you are not a millionaire by Friday. Call me now!!!
Remember Saturday Night Fever? That was set in Brooklyn and made John Travolata an overnight icon around the world. Before that we had Saturday Night Cool in the small town of Coronation where I grew up. I tore tickets for free popcorn and was allowed to see all the movies there. I decided that someday I would go to Hollywood and become a writer.
God’s got to understand. And if He doesn’t, well, maybe He’s not the God I thought He was. And don’t even start with me on the idea of God being a woman—that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
Ah, Watson, consider the notion that our existence may merely be a grand illusion, a simulation of sorts, championed by luminaries such as Musk and Tyson. This theory, reminiscent of Plato and Descartes’ philosophical inquiries, invites us to deduce the fabric of our reality, merging science with philosophy in a most stimulating intellectual pursuit.
People often ask me how to sell scripts in Hollywood. The following websites may help. Two other things count: passion and a smile. By the way, AI made this image in 40 seconds. From nine words I wrote.
I asked AI to pick ten stocks based on the notion that the US economy would continue to improve. AI also said: “Investing is like playing leapfrog with unicorns; diversification is your safety net, but remember, each leap is a gamble. And don’t trust past leaps to predict the next; that’s like expecting a cat to fetch just because it did so in a dream you had last Tuesday” And, then AI generated the above image. In 40 seconds.
According to search and rescue teams, many brides have replaced traditional adorable ring bearers, with birds of prey. Wedding guests often bring live mice to feed these raptors.
Forty-two minutes into that date, Jill, 32, stopped the smooching and asserted she was an “agrapha rapa.” She explained it was an expression she had concocted to describe her fondness for poetry and dancing. She also said she was a virgin.
Frank, never one to balk at the impossible, proposed a wild idea. “Folks,” he said, “what if we just look at this impending doom through our trusty Webb? Maybe, just maybe, our gaze might steer the course of these cosmic behemoths.
Markus had tales of the Canadian North, where he worked near the Arctic Circle. He seemed to know more about Edmonton than a local historian. I felt pretty stupid when he was around. Not that he made me feel stupid. He simply seemed to know stuff.
Sometimes my doctor and I discuss things but I don’t know all the terms he uses. The other day I said my spleen hurt and pointed to the top of my chest. He had to correct me. So I’m having the first image tattooed on my body. That way I can explain where things hurt.
He’s not just any wealthy businessman. He’s a maestro in the art of “customer support.” His billion-dollar secret? Keep desperate customers on hold, even if hours on wait drives them nuts.
Religions are grounded in three core concepts: sex (life’s genesis), eternity (soul’s destiny), and miracles (divine intervention), addressing fundamental human existential queries.
The convenience, accessibility, and widespread adoption of smartphones make them the preferred choice for news consumption for the majority of the global population.
It’s like having a friend who’s always got a factoid up their sleeve, never gets your jokes but laughs anyway, and can keep you company without ever arguing about where to have dinner.
Have you ever asked yourself how far will robots go when they become our masters instead of our slaves? First we will love them. Then we will hate them. And after awhile they will despise us. Have you noticed their fingers are shaped like scalpels?
Those Mobile Devices you have. You own the universe. They can find almost anything.
No worries. Seems that the latest vaccine is probably safe for mice. Didn’t kill any of them. Based on the CFDC six-mouse test, the USA felt safe to begin injecting millions of people with this new vaccine.
Written by jaron summers (c) 2022 Identifying which generation is poised to be in charge of the world is difficult. Right now it seems to be Generation Z. AKA Gen Z or Zoomers. If you’re a Gen Z then you were born between born 1997-2012. So you could be about 16 years old which happens […]
written by jaron summers (c) 2024 Once a person breaks the law, there is no turning back. It can happen at any age. Mother drifted into crime at 92. As far as we could figure out, Nike had been a runaway. The little guy was confused and frightened, but Mother lovingly won him over. She […]
I think time travel is overrated
Now I’m almost as old as Oliver was. Between naps I think of The Royal Crown Hotel lobby and meeting the Norweigan 70 years ago in Coronation — under ice blue skies that made your eyes ache, and outside the first snowfall, so white it would persuade you that the whole universe was pure.
I had heard Dad and Mom talking about finding a religion to provide me with some kind of anchor or moral compass. I suppose my parents feared their seven-year-old was headed for a life of crime and deprivation.
This chap stuck a pin in one of the almonds and said watch.
He lit the nut on fire and it burned for several minutes like a tiny torch.
My grandfather gave this con artist all his pension money after being promised large returns on a secret process to extract oil from almonds — this oil would be used to power the world.
Grampa died shortly after. A busted man.
I gave the executive (who I owe a producing credit to) twenty bucks to convince his boss, a boss in the slammer for cavorting with kids, that my novel would make a terrific film.
I asked the world’s best organizer how he keeps track of all his tasks. “Super simple. I link EACH task to my good self with dental floss. For example, I’m making a milk shake now. I simply tie the milkshake maker to one of my toes and I’m linked-in.”
He concluded: “I started our dental floss factory where we make ten different colors of dental floss. Bingo. Ten colors of floss per toe. Ten toes. I can accomplish 100 tasks at the same time.”
All I can remember about Uncle Ben is that he was fat and ate lard and sugar on his bread, we loved him, and he was jolly and good to us.
Boxers have left hooks and right crosses. Or is it left crosses and right hooks? Anyway, for me, there will only be one kind of hook, and that’s Charlie Taggart’s right hook. Charlie had an iron hook, the result of a boyhood flirtation with dynamite that almost blew him off the map.I will always be indebted to Charlie …
My wife, Kate, and I have had our most serious arguments because of extreme clutter, spawned by her deep-seated neuroses. Our condo had become a colossal trash compactor. I hired a professional organizer, Sally Wigglesworth. Now I may be facing homicide charges.
If you are looking for the smartest scholars in the world come to my home, within walking distance of The University of Alberta. I rent rooms to four grad students who attend the great campus. I would put my four fellows up against any group of scholars who have ever lived. Aristotle, Einstein, Hawking. It would not matter. My lads – in their sleep
They say nothing ever happened in Coronation but I heard stories about the Gent from Geneva, who in the late 1940s, arrived in Alberta. This guy, I think his name was Franz, had seen a travelogue of Western Canada. Its majestic Rocky Mountains gave Franz the idea that moving to Alberta was like living in Switzerland….
They say nothing happened in Coronation but they must have been out of town one Saturday night in 1960. The evening started out dull, not much to do but watch a movie at The Avalon, the town’s only theater, or maybe wander over to the Chinese cafe and have a cold Coke and a warm piece of pie. Then eat it slowly and wonder what would become of you.
By the way, I visited your website and there is a terrific photo of you. You are beautiful and you don’t have a single wrinkle. What a marvelous smile you have. As soon as I saw your photo I trusted you. Of course you couldn’t use that photo on your passport. It could land you in the slammer.
I decided to write a history book for any (smarter than average) nine year old a decade or so ago. Becki, a cousin, was about nine and she was smarter than average. Way smarter. Now she’s a lawyer.
My wife, Kate, and I have had our most serious arguments because of extreme clutter, spawned by her deep-seated neuroses. Our condo had become a colossal trash compactor. Help was on the way…. Or so we thought.
News Item: The Iraqi government has enlisted Saddam Hussein look-alikes in an effort to thwart assassination attempts on their leader. In a secret section of Iraq, Saddam Hussein strolled past the his many clones, standing ramrod straight.
Dear Ms. Bendhard, Let us set the record straight. I have never entered your condo illegally. As you know, I have a number of listening devices, including a stethoscope that I use to locate running water. Wayward water and wayward vixens are my concern!
You think that gets rid of the cholesterol? Do you realize it probably concentrates it?” Kate asked.
“Do you realize you’ll die if you don’t have enough cholesterol in your body?” I asked. I slowly ate the peanut butter diet toast and then I swallowed a small green pill that the doctor had given me to reduce cholesterol. “Besides, I don’t have to worry about cholesterol,” I said. “That’s what these pills are for. If it makes you happy, I’ll take two.”
Compromise is the key to marriages and volcanoes. For example, my wife, Kate, who is a flight attendant, had three Maui trips back-to-back. She suggested I go with her. “Can we afford it?” I asked. “After all, we’re trying to live on your salary while I write the Great American Novel.”
I participated in two rituals recently.
One was a sweat lodge ceremony on the plains of Alberta near Edmonton.
The sweat lodge looks like an igloo made of hides or canvas. In it native North Americans conduct a series of rituals they have repeated for countless generations.
My friend, Martha Stew, invited me go shopping with her. As readers will recall it was Martha who taught me how to make her world famous pasta sauce.
As we drove to the market, I asked Martha why it was that my sauce never seemed to taste as good as hers.”Your basic ingredients are stale,” explained the world’s greatest chef.
Matthew Benson Applehead (MBA) had trouble peeing one night. Fearing he might be a diabetic, he ran to a nearby hospital. A passing car blinded him and while he was jabbering on his cell phone, a truck ran over him, killing him instantly.
Bad luck, you say?
My wife, Kate, has this hormone imbalance thing. A lot of woman do. It caused us a few problems so we decided to see a marriage counselor.
The marriage counselor, Dr. Seesaw, said that woman were from Venus and guys were from Mars. I asked Dr. Seesaw where she got her counseling degree? NASA, maybe?
We flew to Tahiti. As usual I had packed only a single flight bag. As usual my wife had overpacked, drastically. Tahiti is a Polynesian paradise. Why in the world would one want to take so much stuff?
It took four men to carry it down our basement. My father plugged in our new freezer and opened the cavernous contraption. “I’ve heard,” said Dad, “that kids have gotten into things like this, closed the lid and perished.”
