Something to go with your Naked Ass

As the first person to use the internet to sell a novel and as the inventor of the ubiquitous fridge magnet–here’s my idea for a product that will make you a million. 

But first I have to tell you who will buy my product.  

Really rich kids who spend thousands on designer jeans with rips in them.  You know brats sporting Rolex watches and $20,000 Jackie soft croc bucket bags. 

Not satisfied with flaunting their parents’ sickening wealth on $2,500 jeans, they pay $3,000 for aged ripped jeans that allow the rest of us peasants to consider their exposed rear ends and knock knees. 


These jackasses love diamond studded iPhones that cost $20,000.  Think of what they would pay for an iPhone with a cracked screen.  There would be no limit.  

Here is my invention.

A cracked screen plastic cover that sticks on the window of their cell phone.  All you need is adhesive plastic sheets and a Sharpie.  Draw something like this on plastic and press it on the face of the phone.



Rich little rascals will force 100 dollar bills on you for one of your hand-drawn press-on screens to go with their asses hanging out of their designer jeans.

They get to flaunt their wealth and their ho-hum body parts while they keep jabbering on their stupid phone.

black out






Now if you’ll excuse me, Dwight, my chauffeur, who drives my new Rolls has just yelled out that one of our carrier pigeons has returned with an important message from my publisher.  I must be going ….

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You can buy one of my novels here. If you

can't afford it, write me a funny

note and I'll send you a PDF

of the novel.

Rather than beg one million people to donate a dollar each, I'd like one billionaire (or two or even three) to simply give me a million buck$. You know who you are.