Category Archives: Uncategorized
Medical Emergency
Still shaking in my boots. Yesterday I put on my old shoes to go for a walk. My left foot seemed to be asleep … I realized with horror that I could not lift it from the ground. Left side of the body often means a stroke. I prayed I could get to the phone […]
Iron Monsters & Memories
In the 1950s my mother and I traveled by bus and train to The States to stay with her parents each summer. A few months later my father would arrive in Lake Andes, South Dakota to drive us back to our home in Canada. We stopped for root beer floats and foot longs and saw […]
My Work
Around Big Island
When we are in Hawaii (The Big Island) Kate likes to drive around it. I always give her instructions before she goes. There are two routes. Both are illustrated here.
Trump Time
OCTOBER 10, 2019DAY 994 OF THE TRUMP Deconstruction of USA 1. Ordered US troops stationed in all foreign bases to form a circle and shoot all imaginary rabbits within circles. 2. Ordered US troops stationed in all domestic bases to form a circle and shoot all imaginary rabbits within circles. 3. Claimed Iceland as US […]
FADE IN: MAYA
There are a raft of shibboleths and acronyms you probably know if you’re contemplating writing something that starts with FADE IN: POV, MOS, CU, FADE OUT, INT … some of the many “inside words” that are helpful to know if you’re going to make your mark in Hollywood. Here’s a new one for you: MAYA. […]
Am I a Crook?
I have never embezzled
It’s one on those days ….
Your Ponzi scheme —
I was horrified to hear that mother might be a hooker.
Snoring Troubles
“illegal nocturnal emissions.”
Gold in mixed genre
→
So what if one of them almost became a football?
Happy Returns Notes
A madcap love story with giggles for taxpayers.
Coffee around the world
wildschwein / Chops
From 1984 to 1987, the police in Lower Saxony had a very special drug and explosive nose: a real wild boar with the name Luise. The 150-kilogram bache quickly became world famous. The clever wild boar lady even entered the Guinness Book of World Records. On 5 July 1984 Luise saw the light of […]
Failed Life – additional notes
Did I like going to BYU. You bet. I never had more fun with my clothes off.
Ever Found Out GOD Watches You?
I discovered girls and the rabbit games moved into more risky territory.
Make a preview for spit; sell a series for zillions —
LIFE SUCKS Two principals and single location. A trailer to trigger action from binge watching netflixers…. Need one older male, play late 70s …. Here’s the short story, a three minute read: http://jaronsummers.com/life-sucks/
Dogs and Cats can get along!
Dogs and Cats can get along!
New Year—2019
Is it possible that a two-year old, named Sarah, holds a key to saving our planet?
WM
Thanks for trusting us! Hi, we are Hooper and Kate You can read and listen for FREE to the first chapter of The Whooping Moose. Please click here. The entire graphic novel with over 150 astonished images, special effects and music will be available for 24.99 next week. It comes with a 40 minute hilarious […]
download heaven
Selling Digital Stuff
Half the world population has access to a cell phone. That means you have over 3,000,000,000 customers RIGHT NOW. First you need a website: Then something to sell: Pitch: under 15 seconds: The vamp in vampire. Free download of the kindle version
Fold Up Your Life
You can roll it up or fold it like a piece of paper. What a brilliant idea.
Seat Rustler
“So limp over and sit in one, you asshole. You fucking near broke my toe.”
BUILDING A CARROT BRIDGE
“And what happens if a herd of hypothetical rabbits shows up?”
TAB HUNTER – HOLLYWOOD LEGEND – RIP
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DCKTZAK/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_0
Dressing for Success
“I want to repair a hole in my jeans.” I showed her my old jeans.
Eskimo Power
Eskimos, along with a few other stone age people, can teach us how to survive our technology. Check out the 1922 American silent documentary film Nanook of the North and you’ll see how the Eskimo or People of the Inuit, subdued the sub-zero temperatures of the Arctic and thrived. That film is almost a hundred years old. […]
FAKE NEWS
President Trump says he does not do Fake News and I believe him. He is making American and the world a better place and enriching this country by reaching out to the major leaders of the world. Before Mr. Tump came to power the Russians wanted to kill us. Now Putin and Trump are good […]
Arm Toddlers
The shooters need to know who the future traitors are of America. Smart ass lawyers.
Your car, the Mailbox
Amazon sneaks into your car or truck and hides your order inside your vehicle.
Jaron Summers Orders
You’re Fired? No. Fried!
They will strike first ….
SMILE
Here’s a photo of a woman I met last week. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23-year-old woman. She is still vibrant and beautiful. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her. An angry lover poured acid in her face. […]
A sinister culture
Here’s a photo of a woman I met. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23 year old woman. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her. A smile makes a difference. If this happened to me I don’t think I could […]
A note from Canada’s Most Evil Landlord
he likes to be entertained…
Hollywood Insider Secret
I gave the cocksucker (who I owe a producing credit to) twenty bucks to convince his boss, a boss with a tube shoved up his ass, that my novel would make a terrific film.
Cut cable: Save Bucks
Fly to Wimbledon with the money you save. Link one of your smartphone to a wifi in England.
The Whooping Moose movie —
Want to have your kids learn how to deal with bullies? Have a look at our movie. Click here
Annoyed with Old Flames
Never underestimate the spunk of a mother-in-law who is almost 100.
The Whooping Moose
Confusion over political correctness, vegans, vivisections, bullying and the madness of this millennium, it may be time to consider The Whooping Moose.
Trump has given up solo control of Nuclear Codes
Fat Little Prick said he would send me his nuclear codes
The Miracle Seagulls
How do “sinners” seeking spiritual guidance nail down the right religion? My conversion started with a bottle of whiskey, loneliness and miracle seagulls. We lived in Canada and each spring my mother and I took a three-day train journey to her hometown to visit her parents in South Dakota. In early fall my father would […]
An island for my wife ….
For years Kate and I have spent some of our most fun times in Hawaii and New Zealand. I promised Kate that someday I would buy a small island just for her. Today I did. You can come and visit us. You may also want to sublease a part of our island. I bought it […]
If you get drunk three times a year …. anything is possible
THE STORY OF IKEA (I did not write this, someone sent it to me) Tighter than wallpaper… There isn’t any profit sharing here … He lives in a bungalow, flies EasyJet and ‘dries out’ three times a year… the man who founded Ikea and is worth more than $15bn . Self-made man: Ingvar Kamprad with […]
Bathtubs and Bastards
Bathtubs & Bastards Many years ago I dated a lovely single mother who had a five year old boy. Her son enjoyed baths and during these baths the lady would ask her son what he was doing. Often he’d call back and say, “It’s okay, I’m not drinking the bathtub water.” And […]
Wimbledon Silly Rules
Umpires or referees or whatever they call themselves could restrict the number of balls used each day at Wimbledon to 18.
Helping the Unfortunate —
how can people be so cruel?
Keeping Your Cool in LA
Caution — a condenser holds an electric charge. So you need to discharge it. Or you could get a shock.
Correct Use of Floss
… he could work a 30-hour day
Long Friendship Secrets
I keep a journal since it’s fun to see what I did ten or twenty or thirty years ago. When I was a missionary I prayed each day. One day I realized that if there were a god or gods they would have stopped people from creating religions. Any religion. Nothing is as detrimental to […]
It’s Curtains for the FBI
blending in with the curtains
Advice From A Billionaire
Ten minutes, once gone, are gone for good.
Roger Moore and I were both Saints
Roger Moore and I were both Saints
Pixel Fucking
How about—you write your script, press enter and with the help of AI and digital skulduggery—you create a masterpiece.
One Inch from the end
As my many followers (six) and fans (four) know Donald Trump often phones me for guidance. I decided to record our conversations to save NSA from doing it. In California it’s okay to record your side of a phone call. Following is my one-sided exchange with the president of these United States. I substituted “yadie” […]
We cancelled your frequent flier package since you’re dead….
No one could have anticipated that Clause 23 would be required
You started it; you stand under it….
Idea: Everyone in government gets the same health care as their constituents. Better Idea: During a nuclear exchange, the authorities have to give up their underground bunkers for kids in kindergarten.
Immigration Can Save the world
Suppose you live next door to a jerk. And suppose the jerk though you were a jerk. And suppose you were both right. You bickered and swore to burn each other’s house to the ground. And you would have, except your daughter fell in love with the jerk’s son. And miracle of miracles they had […]
A plea to a “savage” tribe
I will also teach you how to write screenplays that we can sell to the major studios.
EGG FU FUN
From the 23rd floor of the Hyatt in Shanghai my wife and I look down on the Egg. A chicken that laid such an egg would stand taller than the Statue of Liberty. Even so, you could not make an omelet large enough from that gargantuan hen to feed the 1.4 billion people in China […]
Saving The Human Race
With the new millennium roaring around us we must solve several serious problems or we’ll not make it as a species for another hundred years, let alone a thousand. Here’s our five major problems: (1) thermonuclear war, (2) the environment, (3) balanced budget, (4) sexual predators in political offices and (5) obesity. Thermonuclear war is […]
As I lay me down to Sleep
Everyone grab half a sleeping person ….
The Right Man for the Job
The Right Man for the Job
I’m Leaving the Country
The leader of our land claims he’s making our country great again. He loves his family. They love him. So what if he has a real hot wife who was not born an American? Disgruntled voters have criticized him because he has said a few hurtful things to world leaders who do not agree with […]
The Sensual Pickpocket of Barcelona
Gaudi’s cathedral is a work in progress like our marriage
Trump thwarts Chinese Military
The two-inch drone traveling at 22 MPH evaded The Secret Service
The power of the mind —
There are lots of ways to get what you want. One way is to go to Mars so that intergalactic war can begin.
keep on truckin’
Millions of truck drivers create tens of millions of job. But there is a huge shortage of drivers according to The Wall Street Journal. And those jobs cannot be shipped overseas. I beg to differ. Pilots fly drones halfway around the world. Let ’em drive trucks. A clever guy in the shade of the […]
Finally, after almost a century … I have the desk
He gave me a damn fine whipping employing a large switch that somehow reached my vulnerable little bum
Your word for today: Sam-suing
Samsung’s latest evil invention
Will The Machines Win?
The phone that I knew as a boy has morphed into a magical device that we take for granted. But the machines are just starting.
The Only Way to Stop Trump
Those in power must stop him. They paint Trump as a lunatic. As a liar. As a traitor. This will not work!
Why we vote the way we do ….
I would rather get some of my tiny piece of the pie back rather than giving up what little pie I have.
Attachments
“Slip this into your pocket, don’t make it obvious. When you get home, check out the first star to the right of the nine.”
A Shocking Situation at BYU
I discovered something that has shaken my confidence, my faith, and my soul, to the core.
Spec screenplay sales – long shots, real long
— my friend, you will have a meeting that week. The single purpose in that meeting will be to meet Mr. Hopkins.
Costco – near death experience
Let’s see if you can tell where I started to make stuff up.
This is a test —
I wonder how this looks. especially with this.
Jesus’ Facebook: 11 Followers; 1 Stalker
Have A Listen: sat test This link gets you a free copy of the narration, and a free trial membership in Audible. Already a member? I have some review copies while they last. email: jaronbs@gmail.com Thanks!
Something to go with your Naked Ass
hey pay $3,000 for aged ripped jeans
President Bernie … gulppppppppppp
Trump challenged Bernie to a televised sex contest ….
Elder Wonder has a VOICE!
Jack Wynters gives my favorite character a wonderful voice.
Mother Nature Loves Hockey
Mother Nature likes hockey. I know she likes hockey because I have seen and handled the tar that holds the oil.
Travel warning from a friend ….
Thank you for your dire warning about flying almost half way around the world.
Bernie Wins! Las Vegas / 6:48 pm / October 13 / 2015
My prediction — last edited 10/26/15 — Bernie will be the next US president
Evil Landlord INC
We have a home in Edmonton that we rent to grad students. Recently after weeks of negotiating–a possible tenant came in with a last minute offer, far below what we had agreed to. She said she already had a better place …. I sent her the following. Hi June, Kate and I are delighted that […]
Peek in Jaron’s peculiar brain for fun ….
Click on that button below
Roll the Dice ….
The more he drank, the friendlier he became. He liked the fact I recognized him and chuckled at a couple of things I said.
No one but a blockhead ever wrote for free *
You can make a 100 times more money writing this way than blogging.
An adult riddle … naked in the shower
Adult Riddle. After everyone left the shower it was discovered that one of them was pregnant.
Puppy Love
Who they love and where they live becomes the graph of most people’s lives. However, Mother’s life, a life of almost a century, was defined by the dogs that lived with her.
NSA helpers —
These ‘freelance spies’ are recording conversations around New York City http://www.theverge.com/2015/5/24/8652925/freelance-spies-nsa-recording-conversations-nyc
Shab
I am not sure where he came from or how he learned to do what he did but he was one of the most bizarre characters who ever settled in our village.
He was an electrician …
… who resembled a Sumo wrestler with a French name, and how he learned about electricity I don’t know.
