Category Archives: Uncategorized

A Shot in the Dark

| September 24, 2022

We live in an incredible age on an incredible planet. Our world has its dilemmas. We humans can kill almost anything (from elephants to mosquitoes). They can also kill us. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3Yr2Nck0c0 And, if we get feisty, we have the weapons to kill 100 billion humans in an hour. Those large numbers won’t happen since there are only […]

Peanut Butter POWER

| September 14, 2022

Now that I’m classified as elderly, I find myself attracting helpers. When you have lived for eight decades, you have a lot of stuff stored between your ears and maybe above your liver if one is to believe that we all have an extra brain in our gut. Since I’m a writer, I don’t like […]

Hello Gen Z

| July 14, 2022

Identifying which generation is poised to be in charge of the world is difficult. Right now it seems to be Generation Z. AKA Gen Z or Zoomers. If you’re a Gen Z then you were born between born 1997-2012. So you could be about 16 years old which happens to be the age of a group […]

How Can I Write a Screenplay in LESS Than TWO HOURS?

| June 6, 2021

It’s easy. Under two hours? That’s 120 minutes, right? So, 119 minutes is less than two hours. Now, think about your movie. Here’s a quick way to stay on track. A likeable character has a worthwhile goal. As she/he moves toward that goal problems develop out of their character. No writing the first week. Thinking. That’s […]

All the other cults….

| May 11, 2021

Quora: As a Mormon, what triggered your deconversion? When I was a young man in New Zealand serving an LDS mission I often fasted and prayed. I knew I belonged to the true church. I regarded all the others as cults. I wrote a novel about my deconversion after I blessed and healed Watty.   […]

My Mother, the Criminal

| April 18, 2021

  Once a person breaks the law, there is no turning back. It can happen at any age. Mother drifted into crime at 92. As far as we could figure out, Nike had been a runaway. The little guy was confused and frightened, but Mother lovingly won him over. She even taught Nike to howl […]

Kind Dogs & Kind Vets

| April 11, 2021

Animals are smarter than you think. In the 1950s I lived in a village in Canada. Population: 950 people. Stray dogs: four or five. A veterinarian who spoke broken English rented a house. He turned a back room into his office/clinic. If kids with no cash had a “pet” dog or cat or even a […]

Chomp-chomp

| March 10, 2021

A conversation between my mother-in-law and me. Her name is Betty and she’s 99. Jaron: How do you like your new assisted living home? Betty: It’s good. I know you think I can’t keep track of time but I can. I’ve been here for about a month. Jaron: What with the virus and lockdowns, time […]

Wolf Walker

| February 23, 2021

© 2021 jaron summers Before Facebook, before Twitter, before chat rooms, when Google was only a l-o-o-o-o-o-n-g number and Amazon … a rainforest river, there was The Royal Crown Hotel lobby in Coronation, Alberta.  The old timers gathered in its lobby. A fellow, who lost a thumb when he was a tool push on an […]

Doug Paul, MD

| February 18, 2021

When I was going to school in Coronation, “uncle” Doug stayed at our home during goose hunting season. He knew and loved Coronation. By the way, Dr. Paul was the guy who put together Alberta Health Care. It was the best in Canada, maybe the world … until the insurance companies got their meathooks into […]

Sensational Seagulls

| February 18, 2021

You might wonder if there are Seagulls in Coronation. Nope. Just Franklin Gulls that squawk around the prairies. My mother and father couldn’t find what they felt was the right church for me to attend — finally they found the perfect place to send me on Sundays … and later, halfway around the world. Here […]

Mr. Science

| February 16, 2021

My boyfriend is telling me that the Earth is flat, but my friends are telling me that he’s lying. I think the Earth is round, but I’m not sure. Is the Earth round or flat? Mr. Science Answer: Both groups are correct. The earth is both round and flat. Have a look. This is a […]

Nut Energy

| January 16, 2021

My Dear Friends, About a hundred years ago my grandfather fought in World War I — my cousin, Ken Summers, found the following.  (The military keeps pretty good records.) Hit control ++ to magnify his medical record. It says Grampa was sent home to die.  You can also magnify his widow’s pension below.  Not much […]

Childhood memories ….

| January 14, 2021

  Dad was  a boxer in his younger days.  The joke in our family was that he couldn’t pick up a ball bearing without crushing it.  Except when he was in your mouth.   Super gentle.   The town of Coleman was the first place he set up a practice.  His first patient was a nervous and […]

A matchless President

| January 8, 2021

I finally was able to talk to the world’s greatest president, Donald Trump. He emphasized he fully supported a peaceful transfer of power in 12 days. Donald Trump plans to make sure that every toddler in the United States will receive 45 packages of matches. He himself is taking fiddle lessons.

Friday the 13th … Gone

| November 13, 2020

Donald Trump tripped and smashed his head against one of his many gold toilets … he realized it was not his fault. Nothing is. It was the fault of the day: Friday the 13th. He immediately signed a presidential declaration removing all Fridays from the calendars for the the next four years. ‘ “This means,” […]

Donald Trump

| October 31, 2020

I wonder how Donald Trump would have handled a past crises? December 7, 1941 Mr. President, the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor! They’re attacking our navy. DT: Order the Secretary of the Navy to scuttle all our vessels world wide. They’ll be safe under water. April 15, 1912 Mr. President, The Titanic just hit a giant […]

Trump Predictions

| October 31, 2020

January 1, 2021 Donald Trump (AKA: The Monkey Wrench President) will win 666 electoral votes of a possible 538 due to a bookkeeping error by a Moscow dude. As the virus surges to over 2,000 deaths per day in the USA, President Trump will sign his first executive order banning face masks. Trump Inc. will […]

Medical Emergency

| August 4, 2020

Still shaking in my boots. Yesterday I put on my old shoes to go for a walk. My left foot seemed to be asleep … I realized with horror that I could not lift it from the ground. Left side of the body often means a stroke. I prayed I could get to the phone […]

Iron Monsters & Memories

| July 6, 2020

In the 1950s my mother and I traveled by bus and train to the States to stay with her parents each summer. A few months later my father arrived in Lake Andes, South Dakota to drive us back to our home in Canada. We stopped for root beer floats and foot-long hot dogs and saw […]

Around Big Island

| January 1, 2020

When we are in Hawaii (The Big Island) Kate likes to drive around it. I always give her instructions before she goes. There are two routes. Both are illustrated here.

Trump Time

| October 10, 2019

OCTOBER 10, 2019DAY 994 OF THE TRUMP Deconstruction of USA 1. Ordered US troops stationed in all foreign bases to form a circle and shoot all imaginary rabbits within circles. 2. Ordered US troops stationed in all domestic bases to form a circle and shoot all imaginary rabbits within circles. 3. Claimed Iceland as US […]

FADE IN: MAYA

| August 9, 2019

There are a raft of shibboleths and acronyms you probably know if you’re contemplating writing something that starts with FADE IN: POV, MOS, CU, FADE OUT, INT … some of the many “inside words” that are helpful to know if you’re going to make your mark in Hollywood. Here’s a new one for you: MAYA. […]

wildschwein / Chops

| June 27, 2019

From 1984 to 1987, the police in Lower Saxony had a very special drug and explosive nose: a real wild boar with the name Luise. The 150-kilogram bache quickly became world famous. The clever wild boar lady even entered the Guinness Book of World Records.   On 5 July 1984 Luise saw the light of […]

WM

| October 18, 2018

Thanks for trusting us!    Hi, we are Hooper and Kate   You can read and listen for FREE to the first chapter of The Whooping Moose. Please click here.  The entire graphic novel with over 150 astonished images, special effects and music will be available for 24.99 next week.  It comes with a 40 minute hilarious […]

Selling Digital Stuff

| August 4, 2018

Half the world population has access to a cell phone.  That means you have over 3,000,000,000 customers RIGHT NOW. First you need a website: Then something to sell:   Pitch: under 15 seconds:  The vamp in vampire.   Free download of the kindle version      

Eskimo Power

| June 17, 2018

Eskimos, along with a few other stone age people, can teach us how to survive our technology. Check out the 1922 American silent documentary film Nanook of the North and you’ll see how the Eskimo or People of the Inuit, subdued the sub-zero temperatures of the Arctic and thrived. That film is almost a hundred years old.  […]

FAKE NEWS

| June 4, 2018

President Trump says he does not do Fake News and I believe him. He is making American and the world a better place and enriching this country by reaching out to the major leaders of the world. Before Mr. Tump came to power the Russians wanted to kill us. Now Putin and Trump are good […]

SMILE

| April 15, 2018

Here’s a photo of a woman I met last week. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23-year-old woman. She is still vibrant and beautiful. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her.  An angry lover poured acid in her face.  […]

A sinister culture

| April 15, 2018

Here’s a photo of a woman I met. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23 year old woman.   She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her. A smile makes a difference.  If this happened to me I don’t think I could […]

The Miracle Seagulls

| October 2, 2017

How do “sinners” seeking spiritual guidance nail down the right religion? My conversion started with a bottle of whiskey, loneliness and miracle seagulls. We lived in Canada and each spring my mother and I took a three-day train journey to her hometown to visit her parents in South Dakota. In early fall my father would […]

Bathtubs and Bastards

| July 23, 2017

Bathtubs & Bastards   Many years ago I dated a lovely single mother who had a five year old boy. Her son enjoyed baths and during these baths the lady would ask her son what he was doing.   Often he’d call back and say, “It’s okay, I’m not drinking the bathtub water.”   And […]

One Inch from the end

| April 23, 2017

As my many followers (six) and fans (four) know Donald Trump often phones me for guidance. I decided to record our conversations to save NSA from doing it. In California it’s okay to record your side of a phone call. Following is my one-sided exchange with the president of these United States. I substituted “yadie” […]

Saving The Human Race

| December 13, 2016

With the new millennium roaring around us we must solve several serious problems or we’ll not make it as a species for another hundred years, let alone a thousand. Here’s our five major problems: (1) thermonuclear war, (2) the environment, (3) balanced budget, (4) sexual predators in political offices and (5) obesity. Thermonuclear war is […]

I’m Leaving the Country

| November 18, 2016

The leader of our land claims he’s making our country great again.  He loves his family. They love him.  So what if he has a real hot wife who was not born an American? Disgruntled voters  have criticized him because he has said a few hurtful things to world leaders who do not agree with […]

keep on truckin’

| October 17, 2016

Millions of truck drivers create tens of millions of job. But there is a huge shortage of drivers according to The Wall Street Journal. And those jobs cannot be shipped overseas. I beg to differ.  Pilots fly drones halfway around the world.   Let ’em drive trucks.   A clever guy in the shade of the […]

Evil Landlord INC

| July 11, 2015

We have a home in Edmonton that we rent to grad students. Recently after weeks of negotiating–a possible tenant came in with a last minute offer, far below what we had agreed to. She said she already had a better place …. I sent her the following. Hi June, Kate and I are delighted that […]

NSA helpers —

| May 25, 2015

These ‘freelance spies’ are recording conversations around New York City http://www.theverge.com/2015/5/24/8652925/freelance-spies-nsa-recording-conversations-nyc

Shab

| April 16, 2015

I am not sure where he came from or how he learned to do what he did but he was one of the most bizarre characters who ever settled in our village.

He was an electrician …

… who resembled a Sumo wrestler with a French name, and how he learned about electricity I don’t know.