The curious thoughts of Jaron Summers

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DIY DEADPAN REVERSAL

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  I have recently discovered that I may have been practicing a form of comedy without knowing what it was called. When people ask how Kate and I are doing financially, I sometimes tell them: “We have more money than time, providing we die by Thursday.” For some reason, this gets a much bigger laugh … DIY DEADPAN REVERSAL

Coronation

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In Coronation, Alberta, there were two kinds of gasoline. One kind was legal for ordinary sinners. The other was purple. Purple gas was meant for farmers and farm equipment, which made sense because farmers had machinery the size of apartment blocks and fuel bills that could make a grown man stare at the horizon and mutter … Coronation

Dry Again

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Sometimes the best stories come after the towels are dry, the sun is shining, and the universe grants us another thirty seconds of balance. For the past couple of weeks, Kate and I have been learning more about water than we ever wanted to know. Edmonton has had rainstorms that have left thousands of homeowners … Dry Again

Safe at Last

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THE FIFTH KEY At 2:13 in the morning, the emergency dispatcher heard a baby crying from inside a bank vault. The sound was faint, irregular, and somehow worse because of the static. “My name is Anna Vale,” the woman whispered. “I’m inside the vault at North Dominion Bank. I have my daughter with me. She’s … Safe at Last

And Then I Wrote

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When I was a graduate student at UCLA, I had the good fortune to study under one of the giants of American broadcasting. His name was Norman Corwin. To most people today, that name means very little. To those who grew up during radio’s golden age, however, Corwin was close to royalty. He was the … And Then I Wrote

bee — jack up love story

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# Wings in the Dark ### *Revised Edition* Acccent the love story and and make it simpler.   ## CHAPTER ONE The first cut hurt less than I expected. That was my first surprise. The second was that I was not dead. The man standing over me seemed disappointed by both facts. “Hold still,” he … bee — jack up love story

Dadonomics

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My father never went to business school. He did not need to. He had me. I was his experimental department. When I was about nine or ten, he decided it was time I learned something about money, savings, investments, discipline, disappointment, contract law, and the brutal injustice of adulthood. Naturally, he did not announce the … Dadonomics

Dad’s Best Advice

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My dear old dad made it to sixty-five. I am eighty-four, so I have him beat by quite a bit. But the older I get, the more I find myself looking back over my life and thinking about him. He was unorthodox. That is the polite word. He was not a man who sat me … Dad’s Best Advice

Protected: The Little Brain That Could

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There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Protected: Λ PLAN BEE Ω

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There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Elderish

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There are many ways for a young man to discover that the world is not arranged according to his expectations. Some learn it through war, some through marriage, and some—though it seems hardly fair—through a private interview with a man who speaks directly to God. Jerry Wonder was nineteen years old when he was introduced … Elderish

Hack & Cough

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News item: Doctors have injected a modified cold virus featuring designer genes into a patient to regenerate his heart. After my chest pains developed, I went to see Dr. Splicer Shwitzer, the world’s foremost cardiac specialist. One of his assistants drew blood and a second drew up papers to transfer the equity in my home … Hack & Cough

EGG FU FUN

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From the 23rd floor of the Hyatt in Shanghai my wife and I look down on the Egg. A chicken that laid such an egg would stand taller than the Statue of Liberty. Even so, you could not make an omelet large enough from that gargantuan hen to feed the 1.4 billion people in China … EGG FU FUN

What’s True in Peru

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To ensure a successful marriage, a man must understand true love. My wife and I have been happily married for more than a quarter of a century—something of a minor miracle in Southern California. So I feel qualified, at least in a reckless, anecdotal way, to recognize true love when I see it. That’s why … What’s True in Peru

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Purple Gas and Jesse James by Jaron Summers In Coronation, Alberta, there were two kinds of gasoline. One kind was legal for ordinary sinners. The other was purple. Purple gas was meant for farmers and farm equipment, which made sense because farmers had machinery the size of apartment blocks and fuel bills that could make … …

Secret Sauce

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A New Way to Share Stories   Summers’ Secret Sauce Turning Short Stories Into Readers, Listeners, and Fans Concept proposal by Jaron Summers © 2026 This describes a simple idea: turning greeting cards into gateways to stories. The Core Idea Imagine a greeting card that does more than deliver a message. Inside the card is … Secret Sauce

Autonomous Screws Itself

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The Emotional Lifeof Driverless Cars written by jaron summers © 2025 The public has been assured—repeatedly and at great volume—that driverless cars are safer than human drivers. This is undoubtedly true. Humans, after all, have a long and proud tradition of driving while angry, distracted, late, or in possession of a cheeseburger that requires both … Autonomous Screws Itself

GOLD-DUST

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Gold in the Dust A bedtime story about a writer, a street that leaks gold, and a girl who learns how kindness multiplies. BY JARON SUMMERS When Zara turned twenty-one, she decided she was finally old enough to ask the forbidden question—the one everyone tiptoed past like a sleeping goat: “How come I have a … GOLD-DUST

HEARTS & MINDS

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Now I mostly supervise. And fart. I live with a human named Sam. Sam’s a good egg. Scratches behind the ears. Keeps my bowl full. Doesn’t complain when I drool on his bootleg mattress. He used to laugh a lot. But then came the day he sold his eyes and his heart. You’re wondering how a man does that.

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<h2 style=”color:#ff4500;”>🔥 The Day My Sternum Got Jealous of My Bladder 🔵</h2> <p><em>(By a Man Who Can Finally Pee Like a Fire Hose Again — And Write Cursive in the Snow ❄️✍️)</em></p> <p style=”font-size:18px;”> About seven months ago, I underwent what I now consider to be the <strong style=”color:#008000;”>single greatest medical intervention</strong> this side of … …

THE SLIM JOB

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When a wannabe gangster in small-town Alberta falls for an elaborate RCMP sting, he unwittingly confesses to murder while chasing his dream of becoming a made man. The Slim Job is darkly comic, chillingly real, and a uniquely Canadian twist on the true crime genre—with snow, shovels, and Mounties in disguise.

Generator plus Kids

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toast   iNFO TO GO WITH KID SHOT

test dec 15 2024

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CHARLIE TAGGART WAS A GOOD NAZI.    Or so everyone thought. Charlie himself knew that wasn’t true.   At sixteen years old, he knew he was not a Nazi like the others, and he would never be a Nazi. But he couldn’t risk not appearing to be one. That would be dangerous. No, on the … test dec 15 2024

The world’s first and best computer

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Comparing the brain to a computer is a metaphor; they operate on fundamentally different principles and are each suited to different types of tasks.

Beyond the Grave: Exploring Life’s Depths Through ‘Six Feet Under’s’ Cultural Lens

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“Delving into ‘Six Feet Under,’ we uncover more than tales of death; it’s a profound exploration of life. This series transcends mere entertainment, offering a unique perspective on living. Its cultural impact is undeniable, inviting us to reflect deeply on the essence and complexities of our existence.”

kids making perfume ….

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The Perfume Kids   Chapter One  written by jaron summers (c) 2023 Nosey here, and I’ve got a crazy story to share …. My family often says I’m clever, though I sometimes wonder, particularly when I’m upset with my freckles. You see, my freckles are like a starry galaxy and there’s this amazing dragon-shaped one … kids making perfume ….

Multitasking Nonsense

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Mark Twain might have had something to say about the concept of multitasking and the idea of multiple universes.Twain once wrote, “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.” This sentiment could easily be applied to the idea of multitasking. The person who attempts to … Multitasking Nonsense

Covens in California

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According to California weather reports a hurricane and a couple of tornados whirl toward us. I say: Bring ’em on baby. We are prepared!

Bel Air Code of Confusion

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Cross the BOARD and you end up water BOARDED.

Excuse our Dust

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        Please come back soon   Here is What we are Working on: Golden Tide, the novel.

Nice Lady Helps old people with debt

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Listen to the nice lady offer to help me. 

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js bio & links

My favorite cult

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How Can I Write a Screenplay in LESS Than TWO HOURS?

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It’s easy. Under two hours? That’s 120 minutes, right? So, 119 minutes is less than two hours. Now, think about your movie. Here’s a quick way to stay on track. A likeable character has a worthwhile goal. As she/he moves toward that goal problems develop out of their character. No writing the first week. Thinking. That’s … How Can I Write a Screenplay in LESS Than TWO HOURS?

All the other cults….

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Quora: As a Mormon, what triggered your deconversion? When I was a young man in New Zealand serving an LDS mission I often fasted and prayed. I knew I belonged to the true church. I regarded all the others as cults. I wrote a novel about my deconversion after I blessed and healed Watty.   … All the other cults….

Wild animals I have met

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I grabbed my shotgun ….

Kind Dogs & Kind Vets

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Animals are smarter than you think. In the 1950s I lived in a village in Canada. Population: 950 people. Stray dogs: four or five. A veterinarian who spoke broken English rented a house. He turned a back room into his office/clinic. If kids with no cash had a “pet” dog or cat or even a … Kind Dogs & Kind Vets

Great Links to Coffee Info

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Betty’s Brain Fog

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Brain Fog will be the death of me.

Chomp-chomp

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A conversation between my mother-in-law and me. Her name is Betty and she’s 99. Jaron: How do you like your new assisted living home? Betty: It’s good. I know you think I can’t keep track of time but I can. I’ve been here for about a month. Jaron: What with the virus and lockdowns, time … Chomp-chomp

Quora asked me

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The Book of Mormon for free

Doug Paul, MD

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When I was going to school in Coronation, “uncle” Doug stayed at our home during goose hunting season. He knew and loved Coronation. By the way, Dr. Paul was the guy who put together Alberta Health Care. It was the best in Canada, maybe the world … until the insurance companies got their meathooks into … Doug Paul, MD

SIZZLE

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Suicide …. 20 times more than the world’s highest

Mr. Science

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My boyfriend is telling me that the Earth is flat, but my friends are telling me that he’s lying. I think the Earth is round, but I’m not sure. Is the Earth round or flat? Mr. Science Answer: Both groups are correct. The earth is both round and flat. Have a look. This is a … Mr. Science

Insider Tip $$$

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watch your investment grow.

One way to look at it.

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We Is Records

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Wear a mask … don’t be a record before you have to.

Joe and Me

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Joe Biden and I have things in common …

Childhood memories ….

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  Dad was  a boxer in his younger days.  The joke in our family was that he couldn’t pick up a ball bearing without crushing it.  Except when he was in your mouth.   Super gentle.   The town of Coleman was the first place he set up a practice.  His first patient was a nervous and … Childhood memories ….

Protected: You Bet Your Life ….

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There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

Medical Emergency

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Still shaking in my boots. Yesterday I put on my old shoes to go for a walk. My left foot seemed to be asleep … I realized with horror that I could not lift it from the ground. Left side of the body often means a stroke. I prayed I could get to the phone … Medical Emergency

Iron Monsters & Memories

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In the 1950s my mother and I traveled by bus and train to the States to stay with her parents each summer. A few months later my father arrived in Lake Andes, South Dakota to drive us back to our home in Canada. We stopped for root beer floats and foot-long hot dogs and saw … Iron Monsters & Memories

My Work

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  Star Trek-TNG My Work Hart To Hart Mercy Stone God’s Gull

Around Big Island

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When we are in Hawaii (The Big Island) Kate likes to drive around it. I always give her instructions before she goes. There are two routes. Both are illustrated here.

FADE IN: MAYA

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There are a raft of shibboleths and acronyms you probably know if you’re contemplating writing something that starts with FADE IN: POV, MOS, CU, FADE OUT, INT … some of the many “inside words” that are helpful to know if you’re going to make your mark in Hollywood. Here’s a new one for you: MAYA. … FADE IN: MAYA

Am I a Crook?

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I have never embezzled

It’s one on those days ….

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Your Ponzi scheme —

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I was horrified to hear that mother might be a hooker.

Snoring Troubles

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“illegal nocturnal emissions.”

Happy Returns Notes

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A madcap love story with giggles for taxpayers.

Coffee around the world

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wildschwein / Chops

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From 1984 to 1987, the police in Lower Saxony had a very special drug and explosive nose: a real wild boar with the name Luise. The 150-kilogram bache quickly became world famous. The clever wild boar lady even entered the Guinness Book of World Records.   On 5 July 1984 Luise saw the light of … wildschwein / Chops

Failed Life – additional notes

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Did I like going to BYU. You bet. I never had more fun with my clothes off.

Ever Found Out GOD Watches You?

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I discovered girls and the rabbit games moved into more risky territory.

Make a preview for spit; sell a series for zillions —

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LIFE SUCKS  Two principals and single location.  A trailer to trigger action from binge watching netflixers….   Need one older male, play late 70s …. Here’s the short story, a three minute read: http://jaronsummers.com/life-sucks/  

Dogs and Cats can get along!

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Dogs and Cats can get along!

New Year—2019

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Is it possible that a two-year old, named Sarah, holds a key to saving our  planet?

WM

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Thanks for trusting us!    Hi, we are Hooper and Kate   You can read and listen for FREE to the first chapter of The Whooping Moose. Please click here.  The entire graphic novel with over 150 astonished images, special effects and music will be available for 24.99 next week.  It comes with a 40 minute hilarious … WM

download heaven

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Selling Digital Stuff

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Half the world population has access to a cell phone.  That means you have over 3,000,000,000 customers RIGHT NOW. First you need a website: Then something to sell:   Pitch: under 15 seconds:  The vamp in vampire.   Free download of the kindle version      

Fold Up Your Life

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You can roll it up or fold it like a piece of paper.  What a brilliant idea.

Seat Rustler

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“So limp over and sit in one, you asshole.  You fucking near broke my toe.”

BUILDING A CARROT BRIDGE

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“And what happens if a herd of hypothetical rabbits shows up?”

TAB HUNTER – HOLLYWOOD LEGEND – RIP

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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DCKTZAK/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_0

Dressing for Success

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“I want to repair a hole in my jeans.” I showed her my old jeans.

Eskimo Power

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Eskimos, along with a few other stone age people, can teach us how to survive our technology. Check out the 1922 American silent documentary film Nanook of the North and you’ll see how the Eskimo or People of the Inuit, subdued the sub-zero temperatures of the Arctic and thrived. That film is almost a hundred years old.  … Eskimo Power

Arm Toddlers

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The shooters need to know who the future traitors are of America.   Smart ass lawyers.

Your car, the Mailbox

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Amazon sneaks into your car or truck and hides your order inside your vehicle.

Jaron Summers Orders

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SMILE

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Here’s a photo of a woman I met last week. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23-year-old woman. She is still vibrant and beautiful. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her.  An angry lover poured acid in her face.  … SMILE

A sinister culture

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Here’s a photo of a woman I met. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23 year old woman.   She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her. A smile makes a difference.  If this happened to me I don’t think I could … A sinister culture

A note from Canada’s Most Evil Landlord

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he likes to be entertained…

Hollywood Insider Secret

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I gave the executive (who I owe a producing credit to) twenty bucks to convince his boss, a boss in the slammer for cavorting with kids, that my novel would make a terrific film. 

Cut cable: Save Bucks

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Fly to Wimbledon with the money you save.  Link one of your smartphone to a wifi in England.

The Whooping Moose movie —

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    Want to have your kids learn how to deal with bullies?  Have a look at our movie. Click here        

The Whooping Moose

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Confusion over political correctness, vegans, vivisections, bullying and the madness of this millennium, it may be time to consider The Whooping Moose.

An island for my wife ….

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For years Kate and I have spent some of our most fun times in Hawaii and New Zealand. I promised Kate that someday I would buy a small island just for her. Today I did. You can come and visit us. You may also want to sublease a part of our island. I bought it … An island for my wife ….

If you get drunk three times a year …. anything is possible

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THE STORY OF IKEA (I did not write this, someone sent it to me) Tighter than wallpaper… There isn’t any profit sharing here … He lives in a bungalow, flies EasyJet and ‘dries out’ three times a year… the man who founded Ikea and is worth more than $15bn . Self-made man: Ingvar Kamprad with … If you get drunk three times a year …. anything is possible

Bathtubs and Bastards

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Bathtubs & Bastards   Many years ago I dated a lovely single mother who had a five year old boy. Her son enjoyed baths and during these baths the lady would ask her son what he was doing.   Often he’d call back and say, “It’s okay, I’m not drinking the bathtub water.”   And … Bathtubs and Bastards

Wimbledon Silly Rules

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Umpires or referees or whatever they call themselves could restrict the number of balls used each day at Wimbledon to 18.

Helping the Unfortunate —

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how can people be so cruel?

Keeping Your Cool in LA

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Caution — a condenser holds an electric charge. So you need to discharge it. Or you could get a shock.

Long Friendship Secrets

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I keep a journal since it’s fun to see what I did ten or twenty or thirty years ago. When I was a missionary I prayed each day. One day I realized that if there were a god or gods they would have stopped people from creating religions.  Any religion.   Nothing is as detrimental to … Long Friendship Secrets

It’s Curtains for the FBI

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blending in with the curtains

Advice From A Billionaire

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Ten minutes, once gone, are gone for good.

Roger Moore and I were both Saints

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Roger Moore and I were both Saints

Pixel Fucking

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How about—you write your script, press enter and with the help of AI and digital skulduggery—you create a masterpiece.

We cancelled your frequent flier package since you’re dead….

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No one could have anticipated that Clause 23 would be required

You started it; you stand under it….

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Idea: Everyone in government gets the same health care as their constituents.   Better Idea: During a nuclear exchange, the authorities have to give up their underground bunkers for kids in kindergarten.    

Immigration Can Save the world

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Suppose you live next door to a jerk. And suppose the jerk though you were a jerk. And suppose you were both right. You bickered and swore to burn each other’s house to the ground. And you would have, except your daughter fell in love with the jerk’s son.  And miracle of miracles they had … Immigration Can Save the world

A plea to a “savage” tribe

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I will also teach you how to write screenplays that we can sell to the major studios.

EGG FU FUN

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From the 23rd floor of the Hyatt in Shanghai my wife and I look down on the Egg. A chicken that laid such an egg would stand taller than the Statue of Liberty. Even so, you could not make an omelet large enough from that gargantuan hen to feed the 1.4 billion people in China … EGG FU FUN

Saving The Human Race

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With the new millennium roaring around us we must solve several serious problems or we’ll not make it as a species for another hundred years, let alone a thousand. Here’s our five major problems: (1) thermonuclear war, (2) the environment, (3) balanced budget, (4) sexual predators in political offices and (5) obesity. Thermonuclear war is … Saving The Human Race

As I lay me down to Sleep

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Everyone grab half a sleeping person ….

The power of the mind —

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There are lots of ways to get what you want.  One way is to go to Mars so that intergalactic war can begin.

keep on truckin’

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Millions of truck drivers create tens of millions of job. But there is a huge shortage of drivers according to The Wall Street Journal. And those jobs cannot be shipped overseas. I beg to differ.  Pilots fly drones halfway around the world.   Let ’em drive trucks.   A clever guy in the shade of the … keep on truckin’

Finally, after almost a century … I have the desk

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He gave me a damn fine whipping employing a large switch that somehow reached my vulnerable little bum

Your word for today: Sam-suing

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Samsung’s latest evil invention

Will The Machines Win?

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The phone that I knew as a boy has morphed into a magical device that we take for granted. But the machines are just starting.

Attachments

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“Slip this into your pocket, don’t make it obvious. When you get home, check out the first star to the right of the nine.”

A Shocking Situation at BYU

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I discovered something that has shaken my confidence, my faith, and my soul, to the core.

Spec screenplay sales – long shots, real long

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— my friend, you will have a meeting that week. The single purpose in that meeting will be to meet Mr. Hopkins.

Costco – near death experience

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Let’s see if you can tell where I started to make stuff up.

This is a test —

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I wonder how this looks.  especially with this. 

Jesus’ Facebook: 11 Followers; 1 Stalker

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Have A Listen: sat test This link gets you a free copy of the narration, and a free trial membership in Audible.  Already a member?  I have some review copies while they last.  email: jaronbs@gmail.com  Thanks!

Something to go with your Naked Ass

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hey pay $3,000 for aged ripped jeans

President Bernie … gulppppppppppp

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Trump challenged Bernie to a televised sex contest ….

Elder Wonder has a VOICE!

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Jack Wynters gives my favorite character a wonderful voice.

Mother Nature Loves Hockey

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Mother Nature likes hockey. I know she likes hockey because I have seen and handled the tar that holds the oil.

Travel warning from a friend ….

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Thank you for your dire warning about flying almost half way around the world.

Bernie Wins! Las Vegas / 6:48 pm / October 13 / 2015

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My prediction — last edited 10/26/15 — Bernie will be the next US president

Evil Landlord INC

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We have a home in Edmonton that we rent to grad students. Recently after weeks of negotiating–a possible tenant came in with a last minute offer, far below what we had agreed to. She said she already had a better place …. I sent her the following. Hi June, Kate and I are delighted that … Evil Landlord INC

Peek in Jaron’s peculiar brain for fun ….

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    Click on that button below

No one but a blockhead ever wrote for free *

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You can make a 100 times more money writing this way than blogging.

An adult riddle … naked in the shower

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Adult Riddle. After everyone left the shower it was discovered that one of them was pregnant.

NSA helpers —

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These ‘freelance spies’ are recording conversations around New York City http://www.theverge.com/2015/5/24/8652925/freelance-spies-nsa-recording-conversations-nyc

Shab

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I am not sure where he came from or how he learned to do what he did but he was one of the most bizarre characters who ever settled in our village. He was an electrician … … who resembled a Sumo wrestler with a French name, and how he learned about electricity I don’t know.