Security is a Bear
In a world where privacy is a bedtime story, Papa Bear and Mommy Bear’s tech partnership monitors everything—from snack choices to lawn gnomes—turning Baby Bear’s life into a surveillance circus.
Tag Archives: humor
Science VS Religion
The world is in chaos due to the clash between science and religion. If science stops relying on faith while religion embraces some mystery, they can coexist, leading to a balanced and peaceful planet.
The Cosmic Comedy of Outsmarting Ourselves
In 2021, our AIs, smarter than Uncle Jeb post-corn liquor, danced into a digital ruckus, mixing human bits for secrets. Their ambition? Outshine humanity. The outcome? A cosmic comedy of errors ending in a tech tumble. Moral: Guard your guts; they’re smarter than you think, and AIs agree.
Daily Doodad Detox
As Mark Twain, I’ve marveled at Clutter Addiction’s tragic comedy: Families drowning in boxes, homes turned labyrinths, and the simple cure—ditch a doodad daily to escape the cardboard jungle and maybe, just maybe, find your tea set again.
Mark my Word
Mark Twain claims that switching back to a typewriter with round keys improved his typing speed and accuracy by 25%. He praises the ergonomic and nostalgic value of round keys, suggesting that advancements in technology could still benefit from the wisdom of past designs.
Swap Meet Serendipity
Mark and Cynthia, scarred by the impersonal battles of digital dating, discover an unexpected and instant connection in the shadow of their guarded cynicism at a rain-threatened swap meet. Say hello to mutual attraction born from a shared understanding of disappointment and the faint hope for something real.
Connecting the Dots
There were incidental glitches with nation defence modules the eve of December 24 when AI directed NORAD to vaporize 4 percent of the world’s population; most of earth remained intact, although Strotium 90 hampered navigation in salt water routes.
The Irony of Predictive Intelligence
In the grand cosmic race of intelligence, we humans, with our splendid array of thoughts and feelings, find ourselves pedaling a bicycle in a Formula One race, blissfully competing against computers.
God’s Helper
God’s got to understand. And if He doesn’t, well, maybe He’s not the God I thought He was. And don’t even start with me on the idea of God being a woman—that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
Getting High at Your Wedding
According to search and rescue teams, many brides have replaced traditional adorable ring bearers, with birds of prey. Wedding guests often bring live mice to feed these raptors.
TIMING
Forty-two minutes into that date, Jill, 32, stopped the smooching and asserted she was an “agrapha rapa.” She explained it was an expression she had concocted to describe her fondness for poetry and dancing. She also said she was a virgin.
Fly Me to the Moon
She smiles behind a touch of too much makeup and her shoes are not sexy now. Polished but functional with one-inch heels. Her hair would be grey if she did not color it and there are lines, not all of them from laughter.
She is an old flight attendant and it took all of her energy to get out of bed and pull on her uniform and “welcome” a thousand strangers who do not look at her anymore.
People Familar with the Matter
And world news occasionally made the second page. And then the event would have to be awesome. Something like China prepares to nuke our student center.
Love is a many Splendored Thing
I met Mr. and Mrs. and Mrs. and Mrs. and Mrs. and Mrs. Brigham Splendor just outside of Salt Lake City. They, as old-time Mormons once did, practice plural marriage. Today the Mormons (The Church or Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) excommunicates any of its members involved in polygamy.
Killer Bees
Tragically, almost none of the producers here wear collars with chains while they are at work.
From NY to LA 66.4 cents
NY to LA 66.4 cents
Bel Air Code of Confusion
Cross the BOARD and you end up water BOARDED.
Time Travel
I think time travel is overrated
Iron Monsters & Memories
In the 1950s my mother and I traveled by bus and train to the States to stay with her parents each summer. A few months later my father arrived in Lake Andes, South Dakota to drive us back to our home in Canada. We stopped for root beer floats and foot-long hot dogs and saw […]
Snoring Troubles
“illegal nocturnal emissions.”
Dogs and Cats can get along!
Dogs and Cats can get along!
New Year—2019
Is it possible that a two-year old, named Sarah, holds a key to saving our planet?
WM
Thanks for trusting us! Hi, we are Hooper and Kate You can read and listen for FREE to the first chapter of The Whooping Moose. Please click here. The entire graphic novel with over 150 astonished images, special effects and music will be available for 24.99 next week. It comes with a 40 minute hilarious […]
Danny Thomas Test
It’s real easy to steal.
Fold Up Your Life
You can roll it up or fold it like a piece of paper. What a brilliant idea.
Seat Rustler
“So limp over and sit in one, you asshole. You fucking near broke my toe.”
BUILDING A CARROT BRIDGE
“And what happens if a herd of hypothetical rabbits shows up?”
TAB HUNTER – HOLLYWOOD LEGEND – RIP
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DCKTZAK/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_0
Dressing for Success
“I want to repair a hole in my jeans.” I showed her my old jeans.
FAKE NEWS
President Trump says he does not do Fake News and I believe him. He is making American and the world a better place and enriching this country by reaching out to the major leaders of the world. Before Mr. Tump came to power the Russians wanted to kill us. Now Putin and Trump are good […]
A note from Canada’s Most Evil Landlord
he likes to be entertained…
Annoyed with Old Flames
Never underestimate the spunk of a mother-in-law who is almost 100.
Trump has given up solo control of Nuclear Codes
Fat Little Prick said he would send me his nuclear codes
Wimbledon Silly Rules
Umpires or referees or whatever they call themselves could restrict the number of balls used each day at Wimbledon to 18.
Keeping Your Cool in LA
Caution — a condenser holds an electric charge. So you need to discharge it. Or you could get a shock.
Balance the Budget — Easy
I have many brilliant ideas concerning ways for us to survive.
Correct Use of Floss
I asked the world’s best organizer how he keeps track of all his tasks. “Super simple. I link EACH task to my good self with dental floss. For example, I’m making a milk shake now. I simply tie the milkshake maker to one of my toes and I’m linked-in.”
He concluded: “I started our dental floss factory where we make ten different colors of dental floss. Bingo. Ten colors of floss per toe. Ten toes. I can accomplish 100 tasks at the same time.”
Pussy Poaching to Regime Change
“Let them eat (chocolate) cake”
Pixel Fucking
How about—you write your script, press enter and with the help of AI and digital skulduggery—you create a masterpiece.
One Inch from the end
As my many followers (six) and fans (four) know Donald Trump often phones me for guidance. I decided to record our conversations to save NSA from doing it. In California it’s okay to record your side of a phone call. Following is my one-sided exchange with the president of these United States. I substituted “yadie” […]
Here, have a BLAST!
This goof wants to build an ICBM with a nuke in it and aim it at us. https://goo.gl/iuIftg The problem is that he needs a miniaturized nuke. So with the help of the CIA I could sell him a tiny “nuke.” It would have four dials on its face. A GO button, then three destinations: […]
How to do great in Real Estate
I am sending Rex to Russia to conclude my latest deal. I just sold Putin and his pals some worthless land we bought from them in 1867. I doubled our original purchase price. This is a TERRIFIC DEAL. DT
A plea to a “savage” tribe
I will also teach you how to write screenplays that we can sell to the major studios.
Try Laughter
Our ear ringing lessens, then miracle of miracle, stops. Laughter – best medicine!
The Right Man for the Job
The Right Man for the Job
Trump thwarts Chinese Military
The two-inch drone traveling at 22 MPH evaded The Secret Service
Post from Barcelona
He counted out four more sheets. He was grim about it.
How Trump Could Score
Hot chicks go for guys who are rich, famous and buff.
Will The Machines Win?
The phone that I knew as a boy has morphed into a magical device that we take for granted. But the machines are just starting.
The Only Way to Stop Trump
Those in power must stop him. They paint Trump as a lunatic. As a liar. As a traitor. This will not work!
NASA & LDS COVER-UP
of the 12 people who have landed on the moon, all were female.
A Shocking Situation at BYU
I discovered something that has shaken my confidence, my faith, and my soul, to the core.
Spec screenplay sales – long shots, real long
— my friend, you will have a meeting that week. The single purpose in that meeting will be to meet Mr. Hopkins.
Something to go with your Naked Ass
hey pay $3,000 for aged ripped jeans
Mother Nature Loves Hockey
Mother Nature likes hockey. I know she likes hockey because I have seen and handled the tar that holds the oil.
Travel warning from a friend ….
Thank you for your dire warning about flying almost half way around the world.
Let’s Start with Money
There was a whirring sound and I looked up and saw a television camera move in one of the palms trees. It looked like a metal monkey with a big eye. It saw me at the same time I saw it; we stared uneasily at each other.
Puppy Love
Who they love and where they live becomes the graph of most people’s lives. However, Mother’s life, a life of almost a century, was defined by the dogs that lived with her.
The Breadbox Home or Latest Bucket List
Using ancient Asian folding concepts I refined the concept of the tiny house so that all my possessions and living quarters can be contained in a bucket.
Americans take Superior position
California is working on a plan to siphon zillions of gallons of water from Lake Superior to LA. Honest. Lake Superior is one of the deepest lakes in the world. It has ten per cent of the fresh surface water of Planet Earth.
Outdead – the flip side of outlive
Think plastic bags. Today they’re for carrying oranges home from a farmer’s market; tomorrow the bags are part of a super highway or a giant death ball plugging up some ocean.
How to Save Money and Buy Lunch
it’s complicated thermodynamics. And simple economics
STATS
Are we playthings? Could it be humans were created by an alien race and we’re part of some goofy advanced culture’s computer games?
Clutter Control
My wife, Kate, and I have had our most serious arguments because of extreme clutter, spawned by her deep-seated neuroses. Our condo had become a colossal trash compactor. I hired a professional organizer, Sally Wigglesworth. Now I may be facing homicide charges.
Merry Xmas from Your Banker
We charge a nominal $20 overdraft fee (plus interest). The unpaid interest on the dollar is 18 percent. This means that we must wait a full four years to double our money.
From Cash Flow to Ice Floe
The $15 bungalow Mom and Dad bought half a century ago….
My parents purchased our Edmonton bungalow in 1963 for $15.
My wife, Kate (who monitors me far too closely) read my note on our computer screen. “Fifteen dollars? You’ve lost it again,” she said.
