Christmas eve and the Ho-Ho-Ho boy is annoyed.
Rudolph: What’s buggin’ you?
Santa: You’ve been drinking again.
Rudolph: Blizzard out there, Santa. Need a little antifreeze. Makes me lovable.
Santa: You’re grounded.
Rudolph: I’ll lose my Nike contract.
Santa: Tough! I’m replacing you.
Rudolph: Right. Sure. Santa Claus, the Benevolent; Santa, the Purveyor of Wonderful Gifts — but how do you get a really nice gift from old St. Nick?
Santa: You’re prancing on my nerves.
Rudolph: Why? Don’t you want the world to know how Santa decides which good little girls are going to score Pink BMWs?
Santa: You want to end up sled dog chow?
Rudolph: What do you think would happen if the world found out we’re only delivering seven gifts tonight?
Santa: So? Everyone knows it’s hype when our PR people say I’m going to visit everyone, I’d have to have a fleet of 747s —
Rudolph: While little kids are being tucked in, and visions of sugar plums are dancing through their heads, you’ve conned their parents into doing your work.
Santa: Shut your oat hole.
Rudolph: What do you think would happen to your nonprofit status if the IRS found out that these presents in the sled are all for your grandchildren?
Santa: My grandchildren are great kids.
Rudolph: Spoiled rotten. Why? All that money you funnel to them from your North Pole cash cow.
Santa: Find yourself another job, jerk-off!
Rudolph: You holiday marshmallow. By close of business, December 26, Coca-Cola will know all about you.
Santa: Coke and I have been partners long before you came on the scene.
Rudolph: And when they find out that you winter in Florida with a couple of bimbos who are real naughty and nice?
Santa: Never happen. Security! Get here! Now!
Rudolph: The elves, who, by the way, have a tougher work schedule than Cathy Lee Gifford’s employees, snapped cell phone photos of you and your Florida helpers. I mean, sure, it’s cute when a couple of mature girls sit on your lap. But naked?
CNN News: The Coca-Cola company announced that Mrs. S. Claus will become CEO of Santa International Enterprise. R. Deer will take over as CFO. A company spokesman said that Mr. Claus will focus on strategic planning at his new Florida office.
