Keeping Abreast of the Red Planet

As most earthlings know we now have two rovers, roving across the surface of Mars. Both are looking for water because water will prove that life could have existed on Mars.

Once we can establish that water was on Mars, we may be able to prove that cowboys and ranchers inhabited the red planet many years ago.

Who knows? We may even prove that they fought with each other until a handsome rancher met the beautiful daughter of a Martian sheep herder and they got married and ended the range war that could have destroyed the spirit of the frontier on Mars.

You might wonder what the two rovers are saying to each other as they trundle across the vast wasteland that was once every bit as beautiful as the Ponderosa, except it has no trees.

Wonder no more. This just in from NASA:

Spirit:  Yo, Opportunity, how’s it hangin’?

Opportunity:  Please use conventional English. After all, millions of children are privy to our communications and we need to be good role models.

Spirit:  Don’t be a damn fool, Op’! We’re just a couple of robots with a half dozen obsolete computers a zillion miles from home and we’ll never get back to Earth.

Opportunity:  I must insist, Spirit. that you clean up your act. Please do not cuss and please use technical terms. We are not a zillion miles from Earth; we are only 250 million miles from home.

Spirit:  Whatever. Hold on. My Alpha Particle X-Ray Spectrometer is picking up a living being —

Opportunity:  What are you, nuts? There is no living being on this planet. We are the first explorers to have —

Spirit:  Don’t be so hasty. I will take a photo of the being with my Microscopic Imager.

Sounds of clicking as the Microscopic Imager records images.

Ten minutes later, scientists at NASA saw that Spirit had taken a snapshot of the first Martian. She was a short green gal with a friendly grin. She had two arms and two feet and one breast.

“Greetings, NASA,” said the little green gal. “Welcome to my corner of the universe.”

“Why have you waited 47 days to contact us?” asked the head of the NASA team.

“We were afraid you Earthlings were not like us. But you’re OK. You’re just like us with two feet, two legs and one enhanced teat.”

“What makes you think that?” asked another scientist.

“We watched the half time show at your last Super Bowl,” said the little green girl. “Welcome.”


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