My wife and I prepare for World War Three in “The Happy Nest.” Amidst apocalypse fears, we stockpile resources and devise a brilliant survival plan involving chainsaws and a gold-backed currency, demonstrating love and ingenuity in the face of global chaos.
In 2021, our AIs, smarter than Uncle Jeb post-corn liquor, danced into a digital ruckus, mixing human bits for secrets. Their ambition? Outshine humanity. The outcome? A cosmic comedy of errors ending in a tech tumble. Moral: Guard your guts; they’re smarter than you think, and AIs agree.
Jaron and Kate are cracking down on fridge felons in their Edmonton House with the legendary Article 1794. Expect scale surveillance, snack spreadsheets, and wake-up calls at unholy hours. Your breakfast cereal is now a matter of national security. Sign the notarized pledge or face the cereal consequences. Harmony and hilarity shall reign supreme!
In a world where a scientist believes reality is a computer simulation and their lover sees it as God’s creation, they discover that love transcends the divide, proving that understanding and affection can coexist amidst the universe’s greatest mysteries.
March 7, 2024 I fret about my ability to understand sex and females. As you know as a former Mormon Missionary I had a challenge with cussing. I hope I’m over my inhibitions. If the C-word or the B-word (Birthtday) or even that numeral after 68 bothers you, then STOP reading.
As Mark Twain, I’ve marveled at Clutter Addiction’s tragic comedy: Families drowning in boxes, homes turned labyrinths, and the simple cure—ditch a doodad daily to escape the cardboard jungle and maybe, just maybe, find your tea set again.
Just as the mighty Mississippi shapes the land through which it flows, so too do our senses shape our interaction with the world, a constant dance of give and take.
Mark Twain claims that switching back to a typewriter with round keys improved his typing speed and accuracy by 25%. He praises the ergonomic and nostalgic value of round keys, suggesting that advancements in technology could still benefit from the wisdom of past designs.
There were incidental glitches with nation defence modules the eve of December 24 when AI directed NORAD to vaporize 4 percent of the world’s population; most of earth remained intact, although Strotium 90 hampered navigation in salt water routes.
In the grand cosmic race of intelligence, we humans, with our splendid array of thoughts and feelings, find ourselves pedaling a bicycle in a Formula One race, blissfully competing against computers.
Remember Saturday Night Fever? That was set in Brooklyn and made John Travolata an overnight icon around the world. Before that we had Saturday Night Cool in the small town of Coronation where I grew up. I tore tickets for free popcorn and was allowed to see all the movies there. I decided that someday I would go to Hollywood and become a writer.
God’s got to understand. And if He doesn’t, well, maybe He’s not the God I thought He was. And don’t even start with me on the idea of God being a woman—that’s a whole different kettle of fish.
I asked AI to pick ten stocks based on the notion that the US economy would continue to improve. AI also said: “Investing is like playing leapfrog with unicorns; diversification is your safety net, but remember, each leap is a gamble. And don’t trust past leaps to predict the next; that’s like expecting a cat to fetch just because it did so in a dream you had last Tuesday” And, then AI generated the above image. In 40 seconds.
Forty-two minutes into that date, Jill, 32, stopped the smooching and asserted she was an “agrapha rapa.” She explained it was an expression she had concocted to describe her fondness for poetry and dancing. She also said she was a virgin.
Markus had tales of the Canadian North, where he worked near the Arctic Circle. He seemed to know more about Edmonton than a local historian. I felt pretty stupid when he was around. Not that he made me feel stupid. He simply seemed to know stuff.
Tragically, almost none of the producers here wear collars with chains while they are at work.
We don’t want your kind around sticking peanut butter to the roofs of squirrels!
Have you ever asked yourself how far will robots go when they become our masters instead of our slaves? First we will love them. Then we will hate them. And after awhile they will despise us. Have you noticed their fingers are shaped like scalpels?
“Delving into ‘Six Feet Under,’ we uncover more than tales of death; it’s a profound exploration of life. This series transcends mere entertainment, offering a unique perspective on living. Its cultural impact is undeniable, inviting us to reflect deeply on the essence and complexities of our existence.”
NY to LA 66.4 cents
…. a billion dollar view of the Pacific Ocean
No worries. Seems that the latest vaccine is probably safe for mice. Didn’t kill any of them. Based on the CFDC six-mouse test, the USA felt safe to begin injecting millions of people with this new vaccine.
Written by jaron summers (c) 2022 Identifying which generation is poised to be in charge of the world is difficult. Right now it seems to be Generation Z. AKA Gen Z or Zoomers. If you’re a Gen Z then you were born between born 1997-2012. So you could be about 16 years old which happens […]
As far as I know he never spoke of Animal Crackers with her although she indicated her husband was a bit crackers himself.
Three cheers for nanoscience and cryogenics.
It’s easy. Under two hours? That’s 120 minutes, right? So, 119 minutes is less than two hours. Now, think about your movie. Here’s a quick way to stay on track. A likeable character has a worthwhile goal. As she/he moves toward that goal problems develop out of their character. No writing the first week. Thinking. That’s […]
written by jaron summers (c) 2024 Once a person breaks the law, there is no turning back. It can happen at any age. Mother drifted into crime at 92. As far as we could figure out, Nike had been a runaway. The little guy was confused and frightened, but Mother lovingly won him over. She […]
Algunos animales son mucho más inteligentes de lo que piensas. En la década de 1950 vivía en un pueblo de Canadá. Población: 950 personas. Perros callejeros: cuatro o cinco. Un veterinario que hablaba mal inglés alquiló una casa. Convirtió una habitación trasera en su oficina / clínica. Si los niños sin dinero en efectivo tuvieran […]
I grabbed my shotgun ….
Animals are smarter than you think. In the 1950s I lived in a village in Canada. Population: 950 people. Stray dogs: four or five. A veterinarian who spoke broken English rented a house. He turned a back room into his office/clinic. If kids with no cash had a “pet” dog or cat or even a […]
Brain Fog will be the death of me.
A conversation between my mother-in-law and me. Her name is Betty and she’s 99. Jaron: How do you like your new assisted living home? Betty: It’s good. I know you think I can’t keep track of time but I can. I’ve been here for about a month. Jaron: What with the virus and lockdowns, time […]
The Book of Mormon for free
I think time travel is overrated
Now I’m almost as old as Oliver was. Between naps I think of The Royal Crown Hotel lobby and meeting the Norweigan 70 years ago in Coronation — under ice blue skies that made your eyes ache, and outside the first snowfall, so white it would persuade you that the whole universe was pure.
I had heard Dad and Mom talking about finding a religion to provide me with some kind of anchor or moral compass. I suppose my parents feared their seven-year-old was headed for a life of crime and deprivation.
Suicide …. 20 times more than the world’s highest
My boyfriend is telling me that the Earth is flat, but my friends are telling me that he’s lying. I think the Earth is round, but I’m not sure. Is the Earth round or flat? Mr. Science Answer: Both groups are correct. The earth is both round and flat. Have a look. This is a […]
watch your investment grow.
Wear a mask … don’t be a record before you have to.
Joe Biden and I have things in common …
she was standing like a Grecian Goddess on our granite counter….
In the 1950s my mother and I traveled by bus and train to the States to stay with her parents each summer. A few months later my father arrived in Lake Andes, South Dakota to drive us back to our home in Canada. We stopped for root beer floats and foot-long hot dogs and saw […]
OCTOBER 10, 2019DAY 994 OF THE TRUMP Deconstruction of USA 1. Ordered US troops stationed in all foreign bases to form a circle and shoot all imaginary rabbits within circles. 2. Ordered US troops stationed in all domestic bases to form a circle and shoot all imaginary rabbits within circles. 3. Claimed Iceland as US […]
There are a raft of shibboleths and acronyms you probably know if you’re contemplating writing something that starts with FADE IN: POV, MOS, CU, FADE OUT, INT … some of the many “inside words” that are helpful to know if you’re going to make your mark in Hollywood. Here’s a new one for you: MAYA. […]
I have never embezzled
Has any official sovereign nation ever ran a Ponzi scheme in an attempt to cover a debt? The United Nations claims there are 206 total states—193 member states, two observer states, and 11 classified as other states. Nearly all of them have their own currencies. Some countries, for example, Ecuador, use American dollars. I know […]
I was horrified to hear that mother might be a hooker.
“illegal nocturnal emissions.”
A madcap love story with giggles for taxpayers.
Did I like going to BYU. You bet. I never had more fun with my clothes off.
I discovered girls and the rabbit games moved into more risky territory.
Dogs and Cats can get along!
Is it possible that a two-year old, named Sarah, holds a key to saving our planet?
It’s real easy to steal.
Luckily Elder Wonder discovered that AND got the girl.
You can roll it up or fold it like a piece of paper. What a brilliant idea.
“So limp over and sit in one, you asshole. You fucking near broke my toe.”
“And what happens if a herd of hypothetical rabbits shows up?”
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DCKTZAK/ref=cm_cr_ryp_prd_ttl_sol_0
Amazon sneaks into your car or truck and hides your order inside your vehicle.
words and voices for your pleasure and surprise….
They will strike first ….
Here’s a photo of a woman I met last week. A few months ago she was a beautiful and vibrant 23-year-old woman. She is still vibrant and beautiful. She has such a great smile that you almost don’t see how disfigured she is when you meet her. An angry lover poured acid in her face. […]
If he goes unchecked Trump will fuck up the world of 2018. No other president has had such global capacity. Trump is dangerous beyond imagination. He attacked Syria. Then went on TV and told the world that it was pretty much of a one time warning. But can he believed? Nope. Not in his wildest […]
he likes to be entertained…
Fly to Wimbledon with the money you save. Link one of your smartphone to a wifi in England.
Never underestimate the spunk of a mother-in-law who is almost 100.
How do “sinners” seeking spiritual guidance nail down the right religion? My conversion started with a bottle of whiskey, loneliness and miracle seagulls. We lived in Canada and each spring my mother and I took a three-day train journey to her hometown to visit her parents in South Dakota. In early fall my father would […]
For years Kate and I have spent some of our most fun times in Hawaii and New Zealand. I promised Kate that someday I would buy a small island just for her. Today I did. You can come and visit us. You may also want to sublease a part of our island. I bought it […]
Umpires or referees or whatever they call themselves could restrict the number of balls used each day at Wimbledon to 18.
how can people be so cruel?
Caution — a condenser holds an electric charge. So you need to discharge it. Or you could get a shock.
I have many brilliant ideas concerning ways for us to survive.
I asked the world’s best organizer how he keeps track of all his tasks. “Super simple. I link EACH task to my good self with dental floss. For example, I’m making a milk shake now. I simply tie the milkshake maker to one of my toes and I’m linked-in.”
He concluded: “I started our dental floss factory where we make ten different colors of dental floss. Bingo. Ten colors of floss per toe. Ten toes. I can accomplish 100 tasks at the same time.”
Read over your compositions and where ever you meet with a passage which you think is particularly fine, strike it out.
All I can remember about Uncle Ben is that he was fat and ate lard and sugar on his bread, we loved him, and he was jolly and good to us.
Who they love and where they live becomes the graph of most people’s lives. However, Mother’s life, a life of almost a century, was defined by the dogs that lived with her.
My wife, Kate, and I have had our most serious arguments because of extreme clutter, spawned by her deep-seated neuroses. Our condo had become a colossal trash compactor. I hired a professional organizer, Sally Wigglesworth. Now I may be facing homicide charges.
By the way, I visited your website and there is a terrific photo of you. You are beautiful and you don’t have a single wrinkle. What a marvelous smile you have. As soon as I saw your photo I trusted you. Of course you couldn’t use that photo on your passport. It could land you in the slammer.
My wife, Kate, and I have had our most serious arguments because of extreme clutter, spawned by her deep-seated neuroses. Our condo had become a colossal trash compactor. Help was on the way…. Or so we thought.
You think that gets rid of the cholesterol? Do you realize it probably concentrates it?” Kate asked.
“Do you realize you’ll die if you don’t have enough cholesterol in your body?” I asked. I slowly ate the peanut butter diet toast and then I swallowed a small green pill that the doctor had given me to reduce cholesterol. “Besides, I don’t have to worry about cholesterol,” I said. “That’s what these pills are for. If it makes you happy, I’ll take two.”
Compromise is the key to marriages and volcanoes. For example, my wife, Kate, who is a flight attendant, had three Maui trips back-to-back. She suggested I go with her. “Can we afford it?” I asked. “After all, we’re trying to live on your salary while I write the Great American Novel.”
My friend, Martha Stew, invited me go shopping with her. As readers will recall it was Martha who taught me how to make her world famous pasta sauce.
As we drove to the market, I asked Martha why it was that my sauce never seemed to taste as good as hers.”Your basic ingredients are stale,” explained the world’s greatest chef.
Matthew Benson Applehead (MBA) had trouble peeing one night. Fearing he might be a diabetic, he ran to a nearby hospital. A passing car blinded him and while he was jabbering on his cell phone, a truck ran over him, killing him instantly.
Bad luck, you say?
We flew to Tahiti. As usual I had packed only a single flight bag. As usual my wife had overpacked, drastically. Tahiti is a Polynesian paradise. Why in the world would one want to take so much stuff?
It took four men to carry it down our basement. My father plugged in our new freezer and opened the cavernous contraption. “I’ve heard,” said Dad, “that kids have gotten into things like this, closed the lid and perished.”
If you’re thinking of writing a screenplay or worse, carving out a career as a full-time screenwriter, you’re going to need an arrow pounder.
Never heard “arrow pounder” amid such notions as “plot points” and “character arcs,” have you? Trust me every screenwriter needs an arrow pounder.
